My blog has had something of a refit and during the process I thought to myself why can’t I be like all the other bloggers. You know the ones who blog about fashion or food.

I fear my reputation as a blogger may be limited to writing smutty things…..and squirrels.

So in order to diversify I’m going to tell you how to make a glorious Tiramisu Gateau.

Which is very simple to make and I’m sure I can tell you how to do it without being rude. So here it goes

INGREDIENTS

25g butter, melted

4 medium eggs

165g caster sugar

100g plain flour

15g cornflour

200g plain chocolate

150 ml very strong coffee

100ml Tia Maria

300ml Double Cream

1/2 tablespoon of vanilla essence.

500g marscapone at room temperature. You might have your rooms very cold or really hot so no clue what constitutes ‘room temperature’.

METHOD

Preheat the over to 180 degrees Celsius or 160 if you have a fan (I presume that’s a fan assisted oven and not that you have someone who always likes your Tweets). Anyway it’s Gas Mark 4…Yeh no clue either.

So next you need to grease up a 22cm cake tin (preferably the springform one). So I really want you to lubricate it. That’s it let your fingers move over the lubrication. Feels good doesn’t it? It’s always important to lubricate well

Next put the eggs and 115g of the sugar in a bowl and whisk until pale, thick and creamy. Mmm just look at that creamy goodness. You just want to feel it on your tongue don’t you? Not yet.

Sieve the flour and cornflour together then stick half of it in that glorious creamy mix. Put in half the butter and the rest of the flour followed by the remaining butter.

Pour into a tin and bake for 20-25 minutes. While you are waiting why not slip out your generic e-reader and indulge into some naughty erotica. For this particular dessert I would recommend some Amber or if your fan assisted Dani

There is a good chance you may have become distracted and so repeat the above.

When golden you need to let it cool. So why not chill out and read my Overlord Unicorned Squirrels

Okay back to it.

Grate the chocolate. Mix the coffee and the Tia Maria together.

Cut the cake into 3 layers. Line the base and sides with cling film.

Now using the whisk I want you to really whip that cream, vanilla and remaining sugar to soft peaks then fold into the marscapone. Talking about vanilla, you know what’s not vanilla? stuff that Wednesday writes.

You may wish to consult these books from Harley about best whipping techniques.

So really whip it …. that’s it… Harder! Don’t stop….Keep going…Harder…… So good. Don’t you ever fucking stop doing that. That’s it. More. More. MORE!!!Mmmm I love it when you do it like that.

You want to do it some more? Do you? Yeh you got it in you? Mmmm , well go on then. I see you all flushed there thinking about my soft peaks.

Next, place 1 sponge layer in the base. Sprinkle over about a third of the coffee mix, then spread with a third of the marscapone mix.

That’s it really spread it. Mmmm look at you spreading that creamy mixture everywhere. Mmmm just want to lick it all up.

Next sprinkle over a third of the chocolate. Repeat twice.

Yeh, that’s right you keep sprinkling and spreading that goodness. Make sure you cover everywhere. You got enough to do that, baby? Mmmm good you sprinkle that sweet stuff till there is no more left.

Then just chill for two hours. So pop on Netflix or have sex or just masturbate. Whatever you wish because the cake is done.

You know what I think this new more sensible blog worked really well.