The other day I posted a tweet that referenced supergluing a cartoon Moose head to a neighbour’s front door.
Nobody picked up on it!…,Do y’all not read my tweets anymore?! (I don’t blame you…I don’t read them neither).
Anyway this is actually based on a true story.
It all started when I begun having sex with my neighbour. It’s not something I would advocate doing, the old adage of ‘not pissing on your own doorstep’ and all that.
However this was during the time I was having sex with lots of people and paid little heed to any adage and generally would piss anywhere…..if you get my meaning.
It was to be a brief and unsatisfying relationship. Sex was average; from what I recall he was lazy and preferred me on top with him offering only minimal effort with occasionally rotating his hips.
Needless to say this didn’t last long (both the sex and the relationship) and soon he was back to being my neighbour……A neighbour who I had fucked……and was now being a dick about it.
So where does the moose head come into it? Well I have a friend called Mel. She has a habit of saying. ‘Wouldn’t it be funny if…’ and normally we would do what she has suggested and indeed it would be funny.
One evening we were drinking in a strange pub that had a plush cartoon moose head above a disused fireplace. Mel thought it would be funny if we took it as a memento of our visit.
The following morning I awoke hungover with the moose staring straight at me.
Rather than return it, the moose remained behind my sofa and I had pretty much forgotten about it.
Then Mel popped round for a drink and I was telling her about how much of a dick my neighbour was. She spied the moose head behind the sofa and said
“Wouldn’t it be funny if we glued it to your neighbours door”
So we did.
And we laughed as we did it.
We laughed as we watched him try to prise it off his door.
Mel laughed when I got a £300 bill from my landlord for the damage caused.
The chaotic muse that I am has been toying with a few ideas. I’ve been working on some spin offs from the immensely popular Unicorned Squirrels franchise.
I’m creating the SquirrelVerse
First up to explore the break out fan favourite character from the original – Doll.
I’m thinking having her solve crimes with a 1970s gritty vibe about it.
It might just work