As part of my Lockdown creativity I have been playing around with some digital art and also working on my epic movie pitch Super Sentient Sex Dolls From Saturn .

The other day I created something that looked reminiscent of a Netflix promo image and so as a one off Bonus pitch I would like to present to you GHOSTS ANNOY HER.

At first glance, Ghosts Annoy Her is a carbon copy of series such as Ghost Whisperer, Medium, Inbetween and Manifest, with supernatural forces guiding our main protagonist into helping people.

Usually in these shows the main character is suddenly hit with a curious apparition that he or she must decipher to either solve a crime or heal a family rift or some other heartwarming thing.

Most of the time these apparitions are cryptic. So for example there might be one where a bird falls from the sky followed by a load of fish. Apparently that means a fisherman is going to be in a plane crash and the main character has to stop him.

This is where Ghosts Annoy Her is different. Our MC – a woman in her twenties…alright she’s 30 but can so still pass for 25… doesn’t care about the apparitions and cannot be bothered to work out their cryptic meanings. She refuses to accept this is her calling or duty.

After a number of missed opportunities to stop a serial killer, reunite long lost brothers and provide closure for a number of grieving relatives, the other worldly ghost people send an envoy to have a word with our MC (this is after a number of apparitions telling her to get her shit together, which true to form she ignores).

Therefore the conflict in our series is not the MC wrestling with her calling and accepting the sacrifices she needs to make to help people but instead is centred around her arguments with the ghost envoy.

Ghost Envoy : Why have you not been answering the callings?

Main Character: You mean those weird images you keep sending?

GE: Yeh

MC: Cos they make no sense and I haven’t got time to sit around and work them out

GE: But they are there so you can help people

MC: Then just tell me rather than sending me stupid cryptic messages

GE: Well I think some are quite clear – like the wolf puking up casino chips clearly meant that a croupier at a casino was at risk of a stalker

MC: No it isn’t. The name of the croupier, the identity of the stalker and dates and times would be more helpful

GE: But..

MC: Just tell me what’s going to happen, sat nav directions to the place and I’ll go and sort that shit out in my lunch hour

GE: But it doesn’t work like that

MC: Well it should. If you can tell when something bad is about to happen you can also be a bit specific with details

Each episode will begin with a cryptic apparition followed by the inevitable ignoring of it by our MC. The ghost envoy getting increasingly frustrated pops up to tell her what it means and she goes and sorts it out.

Another trope of these types of series is that the MC normally hides their gift from others and doesn’t explain how he or she knows something.

Not our MC. She’s more than happy to shout out in a crowded shopping centre when she gets an apparition “Fuck Off with your annoying ghost shit”

Furthermore she is more than happy to reveal her sources.

MC: Right, Andrew Peterson of 98 Collingwood Drive is about to kill someone so you need to pop round there in an hour and arrest him before he does it

Detective: How do you know that?

MC: A really fucking annoying ghost told me

Detective (laughing): Yeh alright

MC: Look . You can believe me or not. It’s your job not mine. I’ve told you. Up to you what you do. Sees ya

And that is pretty much the entire format of the series. Reckon we could squeeze five or six seasons out of this.

Oh and to answer one question that has been raised – why do the spirits come to her. Simple, as a child she once ate a snail in the garden and this made her a conduit to the spirit world. All sorted. No plot holes