The Randomness Of Selina : Year 2 Day 13 : Scantily Clad Women Go On A Top Secret Mission

So earlier today I decided I was going to write a comic that takes inspiration from when comics were great. Apparently, they are really rubbish now.

I did some research about what people consider to be a great comic. Helpfully there is this guy on YouTube who does videos about what’s great and what’s rubbish.

So I think I will do a crowdfunded comic that really pays homage to the what was once great.

The working title is Scantily Clad Women Go On A Top Secret Mission With Buff Men.

However I am toying with the idea of calling it Super Tactical Slut Force.

Now I have zero writing experience in comics and so appreciate that you may be reluctant to part with money for a comic.

So below is an example scene which I think you agree is amazing.

Slutface reaching up to grab her TITS*

(* Tactical Intelligent Titanium Suit)

Hank : Hey sweetcheeks need a hand?

Slutface: I’m trying to get my TITS so I’m ready for the mission

Hank (grabbing at Slutface’s voluptuous breasts) : You mean these?

Slutface (giggling): Oh Hank. We don’t have time. An army of buff men are on their way to attack us. They will be here any minute.

Hank (grabbing her breasts tighter): We’ve got time.

Slutface: They will be here in five minutes and you are such an amazing lover and you know I can’t resist

Hank: I know. You’ll want it a second time

Slutface: And I can’t have my own desire for your buffness risk the base being destroyed.

Hank: The sacrifices you make for your country.

Slutface: I know. Now help with these TITS.

…… Haaaannnk – the other TITS

So there you go. I’m gonna make comics great again.

The Randomness Of Selina : Year 2 Day 12 : Fell8 – The Problem With Corpses

If there had been time then Veronica most certainly would have asked Lorna why she was giving a handjob to a headless corpse.

No doubt if time allowed Lorna may have tried to explain her actions. To have argued that she was not in fact engaged in some dubious sexual act with a dead person. Indeed, she may even have had the opportunity to clarify that all she was doing was wiping her DNA of his cock before intending to dump the body.

However there was no such time for any of this. No sooner had Veronica approached the car and screamed and within an instant of Lorna responding with a scream of her own, Veronica found herself being wrestled to the ground by the man who had so relentlessly pursued her through the woods.

Lorna stared at where the screaming woman in a wedding dress once stood. It had been a strange night already and judging by what had just happened it was going to get a lot stranger.

Lorna released her grip from the penis she had been so fervently cleaning and with some reluctance opened the car door to investigate the welfare of the screaming Bride.

As Lorna walked round to the front of the car she could hear desperate screams, followed by the sight of the woman in a wedding dress straddling the head of a guy, his hands clawed away at her legs and behind.

“Is everything okay” Lorna enquired, probably a little too politely for what the situation required.

Veronica turned and screamed “He’s trying to fucking eat me.”

“Oh in that case I’ll leave you two alone.” Lorna replied ready to walk away.

“Where the fuck are you going? Come here!” Veronica shouted, desperately trying to avoid being dragged down onto the gnashing teeth of her assailant.

Lorna turned back, her attention was drawn to the rather large black cock that protruded angrily from the guy’s trousers.

“Look if this is some kinky sex game you guys are playing I really am not in the mood for this” Lorna replied “I’m having a really bad evening.”

Veronica shot Lorna a look designed to indicate that this was no game. Frustrated that the blonde lady clearly wasn’t getting it she followed up with the more direct “Fucking help me! He’s trying to kill me.”

Much to Veronica’s annoyance there was still some reluctance on Lorna’s part to actually assist, she seemed distracted with the sight of the large black penis. A further scream shook Lorna from her transfixed gaze of the throbbing member.

“What should I do?” Lorna asked

Veronica raised her eyes “I dunno ask him nicely to stop” she said before shouting “Hit him!”

Ignoring the sarcasm Lorna stalked around the guy who was still flailing and gnashing at Veronica. She was unsure exactly where to hit him and the impatient cries for assistance were more a hindrance than a help. Panicking she spied the cock once more and opted that this was the best place to attack. With a large swing of her leg Lorna’s foot connected perfectly with the thick meat.

AAARRRGGGGH!

Lorna hopped around, confused as to how it ended up hurting her more than it did him. She stared back at the penis which showed no sign of damage.

“Yeh, that don’t work…I’ve tried” Veronica said, bouncing up and down to avoid the guy being able to get a firm hold and drag her to her demise.

“You could have said.” Lorna replied, rubbing her foot.

She looked to Veronica for some further guidance as to what to do but she was a little preoccupied trying not to be killed. Scanning the dark car park Lorna spied a discarded metal pole. This has to work. Returning to the guy’s exposed penis she held the pole high above her head and with all her strength brought it crashing down on to the shaft.

Nothing.

Lorna inspected the pole which had bent slightly before gazing back at the unscathed penis which still stood proud with no sign of the assault that had just been carried out upon it.

More confused than angry she begun hitting the seemingly invincible cock repeatedly with the pole.

“Why”

Thwack!

“Won’t”

Thwack!

“You”

Thwack!

“Fucking”

Thwack!

“Work!!!”

Then it broke….

Not the penis as Lorna had hoped but instead the metal pole. Veronica turned around looking for a positive sign that her ordeal would soon be over but all she saw was Lorna gesturing to the damaged weapon with a shrug.

With her panic rising and her strength failing Veronica knew that it was only matter of time before her death would come. She couldn’t really blame the blonde, she had tried her best albeit probably not with the initial enthusiasm she would have expected. But if repeatedly hitting this guy between the legs with a metal pole is not going to stop him then what possibly could? She could feel her muscles relax as her body began to shut down and her mind accepting her fate.

Lorna stared helplessly as the strong arms of the guy began to get a firmer hold on the bride. She had tried to save her but now could do nothing but watch the gruesome conclusion which she had failed to prevent. There must be something else she can do? But what?

It was unclear why Lorna chose to do what she did next. Maybe, at the moment of desperation she hoped that she did possess some odd super power. Perhaps, she just opted to revert to her go-to talent. Or it could be that she just really wanted to suck on that desirable black cock and felt the best time to do it was why he was distracted.

But that is what she did. Lorna lowered to her knees and gripped the thick shaft with both hands. Her lips wrapped round the dark, pulsating head as she fed his length into her mouth.

It was at this point that Veronica looked round, perhaps her intention was to take one last mournful look back before she died. She probably expected to see Lorna’s tearful face, a final look between them to recognise she was grateful for the attempts to save her. What she had not expected was to see Lorna sucking on her soon-to-be killer’s cock.

“Hello? What the fuck are you doing?” Veronica shouted rather indignantly.

She would have continued. Gladly in her final moments to have unleashed a tirade of abuse at the blonde who had chosen now to be an opportune moment to perform oral sex. But just as Veronica went to spend her final breath swearing at Lorna she was interrupted by a wet popping sound. The relief she felt of her attacker’s grip loosening was quickly replaced by a sticky feeling between her legs and a reminder she was not wearing panties.

She fell back on top of her attacker and saw the bloody mess where his head should have been.

“What did you do?” Veronica asked turning to Lorna who was in the process of dry-retching onto the floor.

Lorna crawled and sat against the front of the car. All she could do was shrug. She had no clue what she did or indeed what was going on. She looked up and saw Veronica standing over her, her confused expression illuminated by the headlights of the car. Such was Veronica’s preoccupation of the strange turn of events she did not notice a piece of the guy’s brain drop from between her legs. Lorna did and continued with her dry-retching.

Veronica waited until Lorna had stopped throwing up before she declared what she wished to do next.

“I need to go to the hotel” she said “I need to make sure everyone is okay.”

Lorna had other ideas, still reeling from the events that had occurred she replied “Hun, I think we need to go find help.”

“Where? Who? Look there are loads of people back at the hotel. You know…safety in numbers” Veronica said, casting an eye back towards the woodlands “Plus my evening guests will be arriving soon.”

Lorna run her hands through her hair as her gaze fell upon the headless body of the attacker. She was attracted to Veronica’s suggestion of safety but remained troubled by what was happening.

“I dunno maybe go to a Police station. Tell them what happened…If anyone can believe this shit.” Lorna concluded with a laugh, she was back to the same problem that had preoccupied her just before Veronica arrived. Her thoughts returned to the other headless corpse which still remained in the car. One guy’s head exploding after a blowjob was strange enough but two? Something was going on but without the slightest clue what that something was how could she decide what was best to do. How could she explain it to anyone?

“But town is miles away.” Veronica said, interrupting Lorna’s contemplation of events “The hotel is just up the road. Look, we can go there. It’ll be safe and we can work out what happened.”

Veronica had a point. Whatever, was going on trying to make sense of it all in a deserted dark car park was hardly the place. Plus, Lorna’s stomach was rumbling and she presumed that Veronica would have put on a nice buffet for her guests. Maybe there would be chicken nuggets.

Lorna got to her feet and nodded her agreement to accompany Veronica to the hotel “However, we do have one thing to deal with before we go.”

“What?”

Lorna opened the driver’s door and indicated the headless corpse that occupied the seat. “What are we going to do with him?” she asked.

Whilst the temptation was just to leave both of the dead bodies in the car park it was agreed albeit with some reluctance that they needed to take them on their journey. Admittedly, neither Lorna nor Veronica were thinking entirely clearly but if they were to go to the hotel and tell all what had happened it would probably be best to have some proof.

Although, Veronica’s nearest and dearest would be present, even they might find it difficult to believe that a guy’s head just simply exploded. They did discuss whether they should mention the reason why the deceased guys no longer had heads and it was agreed to only mention it if anyone asks. They hoped that the assembled guests would just simply accept they are headless without pushing for further information as to how that came to be.

Having decided that the two corpses would be coming along with them the next issue was where to put them. The obvious place was in the trunk of the car but actually getting them in there proved to be quite difficult.

Firstly, removing the guy from the front seat was far more troublesome and time consuming than it ought to have been. To be fair neither had ever removed a headless corpse seated in an upright position from a car before. It would have been quicker if Lorna and Veronica had not spent minutes arguing who was going to unhook the seat belt. Veronica argued that as Lorna killed him she should be the one to unhook him. Lorna’s only retort was that she didn’t want to do it.

Therefore she leaned over to unclip him, the button dripped with blood and other matter. She gagged as she reached round to release him, his penis still stood proud and Lorna whacked her face on it several times during the task. Eventually, after much fumbling and gagging she heard the satisfying click and the sight of the belt retracting. Returning to Veronica she expected some praise but was just met with the belated suggestion of “Wouldn’t it have been easier if you had reached in from the passenger’s side?”

With the dead body unrestrained the next step was to get him out of the car. This was relatively simple albeit a little bit messy. Lorna grabbed the bloody shoulder and just pulled on him, he flopped out landing on the floor with a squelch. They had to pause moving onto the next phase whilst both women threw up a little.

The final part of actually getting the cadavers into trunk was the most difficult. It started slowly with Veronica protesting that she could not possibly lift a dead body as it would ruin her dress. Lorna pointed out the bottom of her dress which was stained in the blood of her attacker; a good ten minutes was then spent with Lorna comforting a distraught Veronica and telling her she still looked beautiful.

Although it was only a couple of feet from where the bodies lay to the trunk it may as well have been miles for the effort it took to move them. No sooner had they gone a few inches but Veronica would drop the body screaming “It touched me! It touched me”. When they got moving again Lorna would have to pause why she dry-retched again.

Eventually, they managed to get both inside which had required some rearrangement, clearly hatchbacks were not designed to fit two dead bodies in the trunk. Any pride they felt over their macabre achievement quickly diminished when they attempted to shut the lid. A quick slam of saw the indentation of the head of the attacker’s penis form in the top before the trunk popped open again. Lorna slammed the lid down several times upon the firm meat until it eventually burst through the metal.

Eager to be away from the eeriness of the deserted car park they decided to leave the trunk open and just make their way to the hotel. As they pulled away they heard the sickening squelch as the attacker’s body as it rolled out onto the ground. Exhausted and reluctant to go through the effort of getting him back in the trunk again Lorna just drove off without him. One body would be enough proof.

The route to the hotel took them up a small dirt path sandwiched between woodland either side. Veronica played with the radio on the way there desperate to see if there was any news that could explain the strange phenomenon they had experienced. All she kept getting was static. That sound combined with the gloominess of the straight dirt road made Lorna feel uneasy. They had chosen to go to the hotel for safety, she really hoped it would be there. She could see through the dimness the outline of the hotel. What she really wanted to see when they arrived would be a party in full swing, that those present being perfectly oblivious to the events that had occurred.

As she drove to the spacious grounds of the hotel Lorna’s heart sunk. Illuminated by the headlights was a scene of carnage. Adorning the front of the hotel was this beautiful water feature. Yet the beauty was marred by decapitated bodies that filled the spacious bowl. The water now run thick with blood. The hotel was not to be their sanctuary.

“Oh my God! No! Please no!”. whimpered Veronica, tears streaming down her eyes.

Lorna put the car in reverse her instincts told her to get out of this place right now. She had no idea where to go but at that moment it was anywhere else. But before she could turn the car around Veronica rushed out and ran towards the entrance, ignoring Lorna’s cries of “Get back in the fucking car!”

Lorna listened to the car engine hum and cursed loudly as she whacked the steering wheel “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

She reluctantly got out of the vehicle in pursuit of Veronica. She had joined her here with thoughts of safety and chicken nuggets. Now her only thought was to save Veronica because if the sounds of screams was any indication she had ran into a whole lot of trouble.

The Randomness Of Selina : Year 2 Day 11 – Fell8: The Part With A Wedding

I love him so much but….

Veronica thought this countless times a day. She truly did love Richard but… There she goes again.

He was remarkably handsome, with a perfectly square jaw line, piercing blue eyes and wonderful blonde hair that naturally fell into place but…

He was successful too. Already rising through the ranks of a Corporate law firm. He would make Partner within a few years and financially the perfect life would follow but….

Richard was kind, a supporter of many humanitarian charities and always treated Veronica impeccably. He was utterly devoted to her and would not wait for special occasions such as Valentine’s day or birthdays to surprise her with some token of his love but…

For her part she loved him with all her heart. When he had proposed marriage to her she felt genuine excitement. He was her Prince and she was his Princess. Veronica knew this fairytale would last forever but…

He had an incredibly small penis.

It wasn’t just below average in size, it was ridiculously small. Veronica had often joked during the early part of their relationship that he reminded her of a doll she used to play with as a child; perfect teeth, perfect smile, great abs. The first time they had sex she pulled down his underwear and was faced with the same anatomical features.

Framed against his wonderfully muscular thighs his penis just looked odd. It was as if it had been attached as some minor after thought.

Sex with Richard was therefore incredibly unremarkable. Most of the time she could hardly feel him inside her. He barely touched the sides. She only knew that he had finished when he rolled off her. There were occassions she was on top and he had to, rather embarrassingly, advise her she’d been riding thin air for the past five minutes.

Richard knew she faked any enjoyment during sex. They never spoke about it, it was their elephant in the room; although perhaps using an animal with such a large appendage was not the most appropriate metaphor.

Despite the lack of sexual fulfilment Veronica dutifully remained loyal to him. Not once did she stray. She did truly love him after all.

It was therefore with some hesitancy that she sat in the Bridal Suite of the hotel staring at the bulge of a particularly large black cock, which most certainly did not belong to Richard.

Veronica had not planned on having an illicit liason, especially  not on her actual wedding day.  She had plenty of opportunity to get her feel of an actual sized penis during their five year relationship, but the fact remained she loved him. She had received countless offers to have sex with others but declined them all. Richard was all she wanted.

However it was during the wedding ceremony a thought had invaded her mind. The Vicar was making a big deal about Richard and her spending the rest of their lives together. Then without a warning a voice inside her muttered;

You’ll only have his penis for the rest of your life.

It caught her totally by surprise and she stumbled through the rest of her vows. The assembled guests presuming she was tearful due to the emotion of the day.

During the photographs this thought grew making it difficult for her to concentrate. An elderly couple approached to give their best wishes and through a forced smile all Veronica could think was;

Just his tiny penis for fifty or more years!

This was then followed by wondering if, as he got older, his manhood would shrivel with age. Would that even be possible?

It was these thoughts that led her to approach the handsome dark stranger. To brush her fingers over his groin and give him a look that could only mean one thing. If she just had it once then she could live the rest of her life blissfully with Richard.

So with everyone downstairs waiting for the evening’s celebration to commence she found herself in her room ready to put these intrusive thoughts to rest once and for all.

Veronica had contemplated stripping out of her wedding dress but with everyone waiting for her she would not have the time to get it back on. Therefore she slipped off her panties ready to climb on top of her mysterious lothario and then back downstairs in time for the first dance.

She bit her bottom lip as she watched him approach. His cock bulging through his tight trousers, she could almost see it throb. Her eyes momentarily lowered, perhaps a pang of guilt of what was about to occur.

Please forgive me Richard I’m doing this for us.

She became bathed in a shadow as he stood over her. His hands on the top of her head, moving down through salon styled hair to her thin neck.

She could see his impressive bulge closer, perhaps it was a trick of the light but she swore it was going to burst through the fabric of his trousers. His grip round her neck began to tighten.

“Hey not so rough” she said, trying to slap his hands away.

Rather than releasing his grip he squeezed harder and any arousal she may have felt quickly turned  to panic.

His large hands easily wrapped round her throat, thumbs digging into her trachea. Veronica tried desperately to release his hold, nails clawing away at his thick fingers.

She had no idea why this was happening but as he continued to squeeze she really did not have the time to contemplate his motives. But if she was to be found strangled to death on her wedding day this guy better have a fucking good reason for doing so.

Breathing was becoming harder and Veronica began spluttering as her hands flailed widely, slapping and clawing away at his muscular arms.

If it weren’t for the black spots flashing before her eyes she would have noticed that his cock had in fact burst through the confines of his trousers. Although it would have been unlikely Veronica be in any mood to perform oral sex. She was no longer concerned with penises of any size she just wanted to not die.

Okay life. Lesson learned. I’m not going to cheat on my husband.

Veronica knew she was moments away from her life being extinguished, when the black spots would merge plunging her into eternal darkness. She needed to do something. Find a weakness. Make him break his constricting hold.

Through the flailing and choking  she remembered something her Mother had once said;

If a guy ever attacks you kick him in the balls’

Her Mother had passed on other useful advice but that one seemed the most appropriate for her predicament. So she kicked her attacker hard between the legs, the pointed toe of her expensive shoes making perfect contact.

Yet he did not fall to the ground as Veronica had hoped. He didn’t even flinch. She tried again putting all her weight behind another hefty kick, yet it produced the same result.

He leant in harder clearly sensing Veronica’s demise was imminent. One final desperate kick did not bring him down but the combined momentum of his lunge and Veronica’s kick pushed them both back.

It was a momentary respite. Veronica took a gasping breath as his grip loosened. The feeling of her lungs being filled with precious air gave her hope that she may escape this deadly encounter. She can survive this.

Then she went through the window.

Her assailant followed her with his hands still firmly round her neck.

They say in the moments before you die your life flashes before your eyes. All Veronica could think of was how all rather embarrassing this is going to look. When they find her she’ll be dead, wearing no panties and with a guy laying on top of her with his cock out. Richard would be devastated.

She also wished that she had chosen somewhere on the ground floor to have this liason.

If her intended infidelity was being punished then during the descent towards her death life decided she had learned her lesson. Halfway down they hit a window box. This caused them to turn in mid air so he would be taking the full force of the inevitable collision with the floor below.

They hurtled downwards at speed with glass, wood and flowers joining them on this journey. To Veronica it all happened in slow motion. Her attacker still relentlessly squeezed her throat. He only broke his grip once they hit the ground with a sickening thud. As glass reigned down upon her she became consumed by the darkness.

Veronica spluttered back to life immediately aware of the pain that raged through her body but thankful she was still able to feel pain.

She hobbled over to a nearby bench where she contemplated what to do next. Go inside, tell Richard about the attack. Sure, she’d leave out a few details but her attacker lay dead on the floor so he wouldn’t be adding anything to the conversation.

She began to sob. It was her wedding day and someone had just tried to kill her. If he didn’t want to have sex with her he should have just said rather than  throttle her.

She may have intended to cheat on her husband before the ink had barely dried on the wedding certificate but the guy had tried to kill her. That made him worse. A lot worse.

She therefore felt no remorse that he was dead and Veronica turned towards where the lifeless body lay. One more look at the bastard who ruined her special day before she goes inside to tell her tale of woe.

As her eyes focused on where they had landed she was somewhat surprised to see nobody there. He had disappeared. She knew this was the correct spot because debris was spread around and a pool of blood indicated the point where skull had met concrete.

She stood up, rubbing her aching head with bewilderment. Silently, she walked towards the puddle of blood. Her quiet, slow progress towards the red ooze was disturbed by a noise from inside. Was that her assailant rampaging through the hotel?

Nope. He’s standing right in front of me

He lurched towards her blocking any chance of her reaching the sanctuary indoors.

What the hell is happening? It’s my wedding day!

There was only one thing to do and that was to run. Her only route was across the field towards a wooded area.

When she spent weeks agonising over what dress she would wear for her magical day there had been a number of requirements. It had to transform her into a princess, it had to look expensive and it absolutely must highlight her fantastic behind. As she commenced her escape she wished she had indicated a ‘must be able to outrun homicidal maniacs’ requirement.

The tightness of her dress meant she was unable to take a good stride. Veronica attended the gym three times a week and was in fact something of the sprinter at school. Yet the dress was so constricting it made her run like one of those wind up robots.

Thankfully, her pursuer was not fast. He lumbered behind, dragging his left leg, blood dripping down his face. A fall from height will do that to you. Veronica hoped he’d eventually pass out. But he didn’t and what he lacked in speed he made up for in tenacity. He showed no signs of giving up the chase.

Veronica encountered further hazards on route towards the woods. Her heel sunk into the soft wet ground further slowing her already sloth-like escape.

At one point her heel came completely off. Veronica looked back to see the embellished crystals glistening in the moonlight. Her eyes moved from her submerged shoe to the sight of her attacker still relentlessly pursuing her. Her survival instincts told her to leave the shoe where it was and continue towards the woods. But her shoe was so pretty, the sparkling crystals calling out to be rescued. Plus she remembered how much they cost her.

She hopped back to collect it, slipping it back on her foot with a few more hops. He was closer now but so was the safety of the woods. She turned and although her ribs cried out in pain, her head throbbed, her legs did not move and she had to retrieve her heel on another three occasions she managed to disappear into the wooded darkness.

Once there she leaned up against a tree and panted heavily. She allowed her eyes to adjust to the blackness created by the trees. It was quiet. Then she heard the sounds of branches cracking as her attacker joined her in the darkness.

At some point on her painfully slow journey towards the woods she had convinced herself that once inside her attacker would just give up. Why would someone relentless in trying to kill her dare follow her into a dark wooded area where no one would be around to save her?

Veronica immediately regretted her choice of sanctuary and now thought a better option would have been to do laps of the field until he bled out. Instead she had decided to run away from where everyone was and now found herself alone in the woods with someone intent on killing her.

Yet she desperately clung onto this fading hope that everything would be okay and she could return to her wedding celebration.  As she moved through the woods her dress snagged on protruding branches and bushes causing her to yelp in pain. Not because she was hurt but her dress was getting torn and would look awful in the photos of her first dance with Richard.

After every few feet of negotiating foliage that had no respect for a well designed dress she would pause. Turning back the darkness provided no assistance in locating her pursuer. It was only the crack of a branch that provided the much needed encouragement that she needed to go on.

Although exhausted and the state of her dress made her want to die she was buoyed by a light she saw ahead. Like a horse she bolted for it; well more like a horse wearing a very tight dress.

Thin, prickly branches lashed out at her providing the unneeded confirmation that she was in the domain of the attacker. Wood, mud, leaves and a discarded drinks can all conspiring to bring about her demise.

No! I will not die in these woods. In this dress. Not today.

Through gritted teeth she pushed towards the light emerging into a deserted car park. Her heart sank. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting the light would provide – a row of Police all with their guns out ready to shoot her attacker? A Bridal store that could fix up her dress? Anything?

She stood still ready to accept her deadly fate. She could not run anymore. She began to cry again. She would die here. Alone and in a ruined dress. She didn’t even get to see what was in the big present her Uncle Joel had given her.

Then out the corner of her eye she spied potential salvation. A solitary car and it was occupied.

Finding a final burst of energy she made her way towards the car. The door was open and the occupants were clearly in the midst of a carnal act. Their performance illuminated by the internal light.

She ran towards the front of the car. Her suspicions of the sex act confirmed. The female was stroking the male’s penis but… the male did not have a head.

Veronica screamed.

Lorna screamed.

The attacker screamed as he burst through the woods.

The Randomness Of Selina : Year 2 Day 10 – Movie Pitch :

Pausing the revival of Fell8 to just pitch another movie. Not Unicorned Squirrels but more a Ready Player One meets Footloose meets Karate Kid meets Fight Club etc etc.

Ready?

Set in the not too distant future video games have been banned because they were basically too violent.

World Leaders ordered this the same day they declared war on some country, shrugging off the carpet bombing of a school as acceptable collateral damage. But still they got to do something about those pesky violent video games.

Prior to the ban video games was a multi billion dollar industry with e-sports rising in popularity. Yet with video games of any sort being outlawed (including Mario, the psychotic drug induced plumber that he is) e-Sports has been driven underground.

Lurking below the streets are illegal gaming rooms where gamers battle it out for real money. As a result criminal gangs are involved recruiting the best players to play for them.

For reasons that won’t be totally explained, driving something underground turns everyone into extras from Mad Max 3 : Beyond Thunderdome. They are being all unruly and shouty. The MC is androgynous who speaks in rhyme, because why the hell not.

Obviously the first rule of Gamer Club is not to talk about Gamer Club, except in chat rooms which is a perfectly acceptable thing to do.

Above ground things aren’t going totally well either. The city has an affluent area and a poor area where crime is spiralling. After all if you can no longer drop in Tilted with your Squad you might as well go out and cause real mayhem. Am I right?

Anyhow, all this shit will be explained before the credits because it’s a lot to get through.

Opening scene we meet Jazz, she’s the hero. A smart girl who is also an excellent gamer. Unbeknownst to her Father she sneaks off to the illegal gaming dens to win money which she donates to the poor area of the city (less expenses).

Her Father is really strict and forbids her to do anything. He says it’s because he cares for her but there is an opposite argument that he’s just being an overprotective dick.

In any event she does not listen to him and just does what she wants. So we have her, the rebel and the Father who is the most straight laced person ever to walk the planet.

Every night she sneaks out to go to the illegal gaming place and here she meets Ryan. He’s super dreamy and nice. Yet her rebellious nature means she’s going to play hard to get.

He relentlessly pursues her and eventually they do share a moment following an epic win on Crash Bandicoot.

Sitting on some scaffolding they totally overshare about their life before having their first kiss. Awww.

However, there is something he’s not telling her. After an unfortunate episode with Mega Man he owes a gang a lot of money.

Ryan is forced to join the gang and is forced to participate in the ‘Illegal Gaming Tournament Of The Year’ where the prize is one million dollars.

Jazz enters as well and for reasons that I am not obliged to explain they seem oblivious that each of them have entered the tournament and may very well meet each other.

What follows is a mix of them winning their respective rounds, their young love blossoming and her dad telling her more stuff she can’t do.

Eventually madly in love they reach the final – it’s Jazz v Ryan. She’s pretty cool about that and figured they love each other so it won’t matter who wins, they will share the money.

But on the eve of the Final things go horribly tits up.

Firstly her Dad finds out that she has been illegally gaming. He tells her how disappointed he is. Indeed he gets an entire Family Tree that dates back to 1682 to list all the members of the family she has pissed off with her disobedience.

She tells him she hates him and her Father locks her in her room. But she escapes and goes to find Ryan.

When she reaches his house she sees him speaking with the leader of the gang. Now he is proper evil so has to have an evil sounding name like El Bastard or Trevor.

She watches him leave and Ryan catches her eye. She runs off crying and he pursues her. She’s confused – first her Father and now Ryan. Why are men such dicks? Sadly there is insufficient runtime to consider that age old question.

Anyway Ryan says some old bullshit and confesses about his involvement with the gang.

They hug and in that moment he has burdened her with his problem whilst seemingly not willing to share the burden of her irretrievable breakdown of a relationship with her Father.

The Final arrives. The crowd are pumped and full on Mad Max extras.

Before Jazz enters the arena El Bastard approaches her. He tries to get her to join his gang but she refuses.

With glee he explains that if Ryan loses today he will be killed.

Still laughing (cos he’s a bastard) he tells her he has made a sizeable bet for her to win and if she loses he will kill her. A tad unreasonable.

Jazz is confused if she wins then Ryan would be killed. If she loses she will be killed. That is what is known as a dilemma.

The game starts and tears are forming in her eyes. Ryan does not know that she knows he will be killed if she wins. Nor does he know she would be killed if she loses. Ryan is pretty clueless.

Ryan spots that she is not playing as well and speaks to her through his headset.

Ryan: Jazz you’re losing on purpose

Jazz: No I’m not

Ryan: You’re better than this. Think what you could do with the money. What about that Emotional Support Armadillo Centre you want to open? Think of the kids that will benefit

Jazz: But……

Ryan: But what…

Jazz: You’ll die

With the revelation that Jazz knows, Ryan closes his eyes and throws the game. Jazz screams ‘No’ and begins to cry.

The unnecessary feral crowd go wild and when they go quiet the sound of El Bastard/Trevor clapping can be heard.

With tears in her eyes she pleads with Trevor not to kill Ryan, offering him her prize money.

Now that does seem quite reasonable. Trevor would have his winnings and the prize money. He’d be pretty well off for doing literally bugger all.

However, Trevor is a dick evidenced by the fact he walks with a cane but has no actual disability. Because he’s a dick we get a very long monologue. The upshot of it is that if he didn’t kill Ryan people will think he’s not a dick and it’s important that people recognise he is a dick and indeed fear his dickish ness.

Still pleading with him she challenges him to a one on one game. If he loses he lets Ryan live. If he wins he can kill both her and Ryan.

Trevor accepts the challenge. The match is set for one hour.

This allows us to have a tender moment between Jazz and Ryan. It also sets up a shocking twist.

She goes to the bathroom and is unexpectedly attacked. Her assailants crush her hands.

Bruised and broken she returns to the arena to face Trevor. But her hands are so damaged she can hardly pick up the controller.

Trevor laughs ‘If you cannot play you must forfeit’

The MC says ‘Do you forfeit? I need to know in a bit’

Everyone seems to stare at everyone for ages and then the door swings open. From the gloom emerges her Father.

He takes her hands and kisses her gently on the top of the head. Addressing Trevor ‘She cannot play. I will take her place’.

Trevor laughs at the fact some grey haired old guy has challenged him but accepts.

Now it turns out that Jazz’s Father was a pro-gamer before the ban with his own Twitch channel and everything. He only became boring and a bit dickish when they banned video games.

In an epic battle Jazz’s Father defeats Trevor and the crowd go wild.

Trevor says something but Jazz’s Father turns around and punches him in the face saying ‘Leave my daughter alone’.

Jazz tells her Father she loves him and they along with Ryan leave the arena to the sound of the crowd cheering.

Now of course Trevor is such a bastard that he’ll probably arrange for them to all be killed. However, for now, as the end credits roll let’s just enjoy this heartwarming moment.

The End.

The Randomness Of Selina : Year 2 Day 9: Fell8 – The Part Where It Starts

I’ve killed him.

Lorna sat up and stared over at the lifeless body that occupied the driver’s seat.

Moments earlier she had been engaged in some fervent sucking of the recently departed’s cock. Lorna was good at oral sex, it was her thing.

Her peers may excel at sports or have the business acumen to be a CEO of a large corporation but Lorna doubted that any of them could suck cock quite as good as her.

Perhaps her skill did not have the same sort of prestige. Her peers now enjoying accolades coupled with more money that they could conceivably spend but Lorna at least would get a high five and some chicken nuggets as a reward for her talent.

Now in her mid twenties she had floated through most of life without a single care. It was not perfect by any means, ending up in countless dead end jobs that kept her stuck in a crummy flat. Yet whenever she would curse her poor decision making she always sought solace in her talent.

That is what she tried to focus on as she desperately tried to avoid looking at the corpse next to her. At the same time she was eager not to glimpse her reflection in the window. If she saw the consequence of what had occurred it would be too much. Feeling it run down her face was bad enough.

She was beginning to panic, fumbling for her phone as she desperately tried to control her breathing. Who could she call? Paramedics? Police? How the hell was she going to explain what had just happened.

‘Hi, yes.. can you send an ambulance I just gave my boyfriend a great blowjob and he died’

Lorna let out a scream. No way was she telling them that… he wasn’t her boyfriend!

He was just some guy she had met only a few hours beforehand. She had felt compelled to give him a blowjob because he had offered her a lift home in the rain and made the attractive decision to pick up some nuggets on the way.

Even if she went with ‘death by sucking’ it wouldn’t really explain why he…..Lorna let out another scream.  Tears were beginning to well up in her eyes but she dare not look in the mirror to check if her mascara was running. Neither did she want to touch her face in case it was not tears she was wiping away.

Lorna took a deep breath and said out loud “Think. Come on. Go over what just happened”

Not that doing so would help the poor dead soul next to her but at least she could get her story straight before the Police turned up.

She needed to be certain that she would not be blamed for his death. It was not so much the thought of prison but the indignity of the Trial that disturbed her most. All the sordid details of her lover’s demise would be laid bare, much to her shame.

No doubt the tabloids would have a field day. Exclusive interviews with previous beneficiaries of her oral skills, describing in detail how good it was and for dramatic effect how relieved they were to have escaped death. What would they call her? The papers always come up with a nauseating name for killers, The Sucking Siren?

Her anxiety was building again and she began hyper-ventilating. Everything had been normal, he was hard, she had leant over gripping his member between her fingers. Lorna liked to do this thing where she would circle her tongue around the throbbing head all the while stroking the shaft. He had let out moan, nothing unusual there, she was expecting it. In fact she would have been offended if he hadn’t.

Her lips had enveloped the bulbous tip, she slowly proceeded to slide down the length prompting a further moan from the proud owner of this average cock.

Lorna was momentarily distracted by a hissing sound coming from the radio. It had definitely been on when she was sucking him because there was some sort of countdown and Lorna thought it would be amusing if she could make him orgasm before it had finished.

She therefore had increased the speed to which her lips moved up and down his shaft. This prompted more primal moans to emanate and she felt his hand on the back of her head.

Curiously, it was if he was trying to prise her off his cock rather than push her down further. She had just taken that as a sign of impending ejaculation. This suited Lorna because her mind was already drifting towards going home and watching something on TV.

So she had continued to bob her head up and down as fast as she could. His grip had tightened round her hair, he was hurting her a little but she was used to them getting a bit rough.

The Countdown on the radio had almost finished and when it reached ‘1’ her lover was making all manner of strange noises. Gurgling throaty moans as he gripped harder, his other hand flailing all about the place and hitting the window.

She knew she was good at this but even Lorna had not experienced such a reaction. This guy was about to explode.

And then he did.

Literally exploded.

Just as the countdown reached zero he had let out a roar. She could feel his cock harden, his body tense, all the usual signs of orgasm and then she got covered in it.

Not the warm, salty liquid she was used to but more a sticky, rusty smelling fluid as his head just burst, causing all manner of blood and matter to rain down on her head, which still bobbed up and down…

I was still sucking off a dead guy…

That thought alone was enough to send Lorna opening the passenger door and promptly vomiting. The chicken nuggets she had so enjoyed earlier splashing half digested on the gravel floor below.

.. I kept on sucking him whilst his brain was exploding over me.

More vomiting as the alcohol that had made the evening possible joined the nuggets unceremoniously onto the floor.

Lorna sat with her head out of the door, briefly enjoying the cool night air brushing over her clammy face. It was a a peaceful night, the only sound were sirens in the distance. She closed her eyes, taking in more of the cool breeze. She told herself that as soon as she opened them he would be there, his head back in place and all would have just been a dream. Nothing more than a cruel conspiracy between alcohol and her mind.

She slowly turned her head towards the driver’s seat, her eyes still firmly shut.

Please still have a head. Please still have a head.

Lorna’s eyes would not open. Her brain even in its frazzled state still tried to protect her from any further damage. But even her brain knew that it could not keep her from the horrific realisation forever.

So after three eyes open. One. Two. Three.

Oh fuck! He still doesn’t have a head.

More vomiting ensued but with her stomach empty she was reaching. Like a wolf may howl at the moon she was screaming at the putrid puddle below her.

After each hacking retch she would turn back to the body to once again confirm it did not have a head before returning to her screaming at the puddle.

This bizarre cycle continued for about fifteen minutes. Even her brain was unclear what she was hoping to achieve.

His head isn’t going to grow back you know.

Eventually Lorna relented with this futile pursuit and once again focused on what she was going to do.

Here she was in an empty car park with a guy who’s head had just exploded. She knew the area well enough to know that there were a few hotels nearby, she could go and seek help. But finding help wasn’t the issue. It’s what she was going to say.

‘Hi.. So, funny story. Giving this guy a blowjob and his head just burst… No. No.. His actual head.. Anyway come give us a hand?’

Lorna tapped her phone against her leg. She’s going to have to call the Police, there was simply no other option. But they’ll ask questions, like ‘ what were you doing in the car’ and ‘what the fuck has happened to his head’.

She doubted that the sudden and somewhat bloody absence of his head could be explained away by an underlying medical condition. Sure, if he had stopped breathing it could just be his heart or asthma. But an exploding head?

Lorna began to cry. No one would believe her. She would be branded a murderer. She let out a moan as she pictured the tagline the tabloids would use;

She likes to give head then take it.

Her breathing was becoming erratic. She wasn’t a bad person. She thought she had that agreement with life. She would never have any real aspirations and life leaves her alone. Yet for some reason life had decided it would be fun to leave her in a deserted car park with a headless corpse.

How could this have happened?

Had she acquired some strange super power? The ability to literally blow minds with her lips? However cool that may be it would make her culpable in his demise. She didn’t want to be responsible for what happened. There must be a rational reason why in the midst of a blowjob the recipient’s head would explode.

She could feel the panic begin to growl in her stomach soon to rise up through her throat and be released as bile onto the ground once more.

There was only one thing for it, she was going to have to dump the body. Her brain mulled over what initially seemed a perfectly reasonable suggestion.

No body. No crime. Right? She peered out in the thick darkness and it seemed life was willing to give her a hand with this predicament as the moon perfectly illuminated a small wooded area.

Just bury the body. Except she had no spade and a quick recon around the car revealed nothing that would be useful to dig a hole with.

Buy a spade. Whilst Lorna had always welcomed the convenience of late night shopping, she had seen enough crime programmes to know you don’t go buying spades late at night. She may as well just ask the cashier if they stock ‘Burying Bodies For Dummies’.

Just dump the body, it has no head after all. Unrecognisable. However much the thought of dragging a corpse into the woods appalled Lorna practically it was possible.

What about DNA? Well they had kissed but he had no head so that was not a problem but…

Oh fuck!

Lorna’s gaze fixed on his cock which still stood proud.

Welcome to DNA Central.

She stared transfixed at his member which strangely appeared larger. Lorna just looked at it until her brain offered another suggestion.

Cut his cock off.

No head. No cock. No crime.

Could she honestly mutilate someone? She begun to cry again and reached for her bag to grab a tissue. That’s when she saw it, a nail file. Her eyes moved back and forth from the shiny object to the hard cock.

With her hand shaking she pulled the file out and slowly moved it towards the erect member. Bile filled her throat, gagging as she gripped the tip of his penis, the file millimetres from the base of his shaft.

She gulped the bile back down her throat but her stomach immediately rejected the return and she began to gag more as she dug the file in to the skin.

Having never before cut off a penis Lorna did not quite know what to expect. She was expecting blood to come shooting out, yet that did not happen. Bizarrely, it felt like she was slicing into metal.

The file did not appear to be making any progress into the shaft. It just scraped along the surface until it snapped.

Lorna looked at the broken object then back at the penis which showed no sign of her attempted mutilation. How curious.

She returned to her bag hoping to find a better tool. As she rifled through the contents she knew it would be a futile exploration. Whilst she always had to triple check that she remembered her keys, she definitely knew she had not packed a machete.

Indeed, her bag seemed to be nothing more than a depository for those moist cleaning tissues you get from a takeaway restaurant … Plus a lot of tiny bags of salt.

She removed all the tissues from their packaging and began to wipe the dashboard, steering wheel and anywhere that may contain traces of Lorna. During this process she was quite pleased with herself. It was proof that she hadn’t wasted any of her life watching bland Cop shows and there was good reason to keep all those moist tissues.

All that remained was to clean the dead guy’s penis. She wrapped two tissues around the shaft and quickly rubbed up and down.

It was during this process that a loud bang startled Lorna. She quickly snapped her head towards the newly cleaned windscreen and staring back at her was a female. Her heart began to pound. This unknown woman was a witness.

A witness to her basically giving a handjob to a headless corpse.

A witness in a wedding dress.

The Randomness Of Selina : Year 2 Day 8 : Fell8 – The Part Before The Start

Lorna

Lorna stared out of the window and watched the rain drops collect on the windscreen. She liked how an individual drop would land on the glass and slowly slide downwards, gathering pace whilst collecting others on its journey.

The car radio was on but she was barely paying attention, this particular station had stopped playing any songs ages ago instead opting to have overly excitable reports about the Premiere of a new movie that was happening in London later.

She used her sleeve to wipe the condensation from the window and through the rain soaked screen she could just make out a couple holding hands, pausing briefly to share a kiss.

Lorna allowed herself to daydream, squinting her eyes through the blur so she could just make out the romantic couple.  The female had blonde hair and was in her late twenties just like Lorna . It was clear from the way the male companion held her that they were madly in love.

Lorna sighed. Maybe one day she would find someone special, that person who adored her for ever more. She was pretty enough but as she watched the male protectively shield his lover from the rain she knew deep down that she would never get to experience such devotion.

She had made too many questionable decisions to ever be worthy of such a life. Lorna closed her eyes tight, turning her head away from the amorous couple.

When she opened them again she was presented with his gormless, smiley face. The momentary daydream of the life not lived had made her almost forget about him.

She followed his eyes down towards his lap where he eagerly stroked his penis. Lorna allowed herself one last look back at the couple before lowering herself towards his lap.

Hoshi

Hoshi swore if one more guy dare touched her arse she would do some damage.

Can’t a tall, attractive Japanese female in her thirties wear a skin tight outfit that accentuates every curve without having guys pawing all over her? The answer should be yes but the reality was very different.

She was an experienced cosplayer and knew what to expect. Perhaps she was just jet lagged from her flight over to London and therefore a little over sensitive.

Stop moaning Hoshi and just enjoy yourself.

Hoshi concluded the amount of attention she was receiving was due to her choice of outfit.  She had gone all out and designed a very tight fitting version of a uniform worn by a character in an upcoming Sci-fi movie. Skin tight royal blue latex with a section cut out at the front to show off her ample cleavage.

The movie was only getting it’s Premiere tonight yet already the hype was unreal, destined to break every box office record.  It had been Hoshi’s intention to go straight from the convention to where the Premiere was being held, but the crowds… there would be touching.. endless touching.

Hoshi turned to leave the convention and decided instead to just go back to the hotel. As she began to walk she noticed a cute guy had been staring at her. She dropped her purse and slowly bent over to pick it up.

Just one more look then before I go.

Veronica

She ran her slender fingers along the length of her white nylon clad leg. She loved the feel of the bridal lingerie and would be sad to take it off as it would signal the end of her magical day where all eyes had been on her.

Veronica looked in the mirror and adjusted her tiara, she felt just like a princess. She smiled as she looked round the honeymoon suite of the Country Club that had been the venue for her dream day.

She never wanted it to end, wanted to savour every moment.

Everyone, including her gorgeous husband, was down stairs waiting for her to take his hand and glide to the dance floor for this fairytale to continue.

She tidied her long brunette hair and touched up her make-up. Her attention was drawn from the reflection of her pretty face to the man who entered the room; tall, dark and so incredibly handsome.

She could see the unmistakable outline of his impressive manhood as he strode towards her. She smiled. She had meant every word she had said to Richard when they exchanged vows. She would remain loyal, dutiful and be the perfect wife. But he need not know about this stranger in her room.

Her and Richard would have the rest of their lives but she just wanted that little bit more attention. After all, it was her day.

Elena

Elena stood at the sink, her hands deep in a bowl of soapy water. She could sense him behind her.

She knew that as soon as his wife had left to go and host some outside broadcast for a World Premiere that was happening that he would not hesitate to take advantage of being alone with her.

They would do it in the kitchen. He would have her wherever the mood took him but never in the bedroom. He would be quick, no doubt just slip in from behind and it will be over before she has had a chance to dry the soap from her hands.

She would put up no protest, just submit herself to his horny whim. He would not say a word to her afterwards, clearly racked with guilt. The only thing he ever said was to remind Elena not to tell his wife.

She never would say anything, Elena needed this job. She had been in England for only a few years, arriving from Romania barely out of her teens.

It may seem to an outsider she was just a lowly maid but here she was living in a three million pound house in the poshest part of London, why would she ruin that. Other girls like her had fallen into becoming an Escort to make ends meet. All she had to do was just allow him to use her everyone once in and while.

Her short dark hair stood on end as she felt his breath on the nape of her neck.

Taylor

Taylor stared at her shapely buttocks in the mirror.  Talk about being typecast, a girl from Georgia dressed in low cut tight jean shorts, checked shirt tied up at the waist, all finished off with boots and a hat.

She would certainly stick out in the crowd, the majority of which were in their finest tuxedos and ball gowns.

It had been the idea of the producers that the more minor characters should come to the Premiere dressed in their movie costume. She played the sassy bartender, she wouldn’t have minded so much but it was nearly winter in London and had been raining all day.

Jeez does the sun ever shine in this country.

Taylor unbuttoned the top of her shirt so that her plentiful bosoms clearly showed.  She was only in the movie for a brief moment but she did get to say one line;

“Y’all best leave this mess to me” she repeated back to her reflection before smiling, her long blonde hair perfectly framing her dazzling white teeth.

There would be a lot of important people here tonight. Her agent told her this movie was going to be huge, the most successful in history… And she was in it.

Tonight was her opportunity to make it big. No more waiting tables, this was it.

You’re gonna be a star.

She leaned and kissed the mirror leaving a perfect red lip stick mark. Giggling to herself she could hear the sound of heavy breathing coming from one of the cubicles, that unmistakable sound of passion.

Well looks like someone is starting this party early.

Merci

“Quick! Help me” Merci screamed to a stage hand as she struggled to wriggle into a 12 inch strap on.

It was her big finish, one she had performed countless times in her twenty years with her band Merci and the Masturbators.

As the final long deafening chords to their crowd favourite Life is just a dildo played she would emerge on stage stroking her large plastic dong. A big ‘fuck you’ to everything, to everyone.

The crowd would go wild as she, with her blue hair sparkling in the spotlights and her tongue firmly stuck out, bent over and stroked it furiously.

She had noticed the crowd was slightly smaller tonight which was probably on account of the big Premiere happening down the road. Everyone wanting to get a glimpse of the big star, Miss Carmel Ash.

But here in this small hall she was the star. So fuck you Carmel Ash, fuck you music producers who thought her music was too edgy, fuck you organisers who wouldn’t let her drink from the bar for free. Fuck you all.

Angie

Beads of sweat ran down her perfectly smooth ebony face as she raced down the stairs.

Stumbling on the last step, Angie Raines cursed herself for choosing to wear heels. But how was she supposed to know that today would require her to run for her life.  She would have worn more suitable footwear.

It should have been a normal day working in the lab of Harmony Pharmaceuticals. Nothing during her dull commute to work, her normal purchase of a Toffee Latte and the usual fumbling for her security pass ought to have told her that today she would be running for her life. Hell, even the security guard gave her his normal jovial morning greeting.

Should she have realised what was about to happen sooner? Could she have warned everyone so it could all be stopped? These thoughts dominated her mind as she clumsily made her way down the stone steps.

Why had she not said anything? About 27 minutes earlier when she made the discovery it had all been so obvious. The true purpose staring right back at her.  Despite having multiple qualifications and being top in her field of genetics she had been too stupid to see what was happening.

No, it wasn’t stupidity. It was fear. She knew what they were intending but did not say anything. She feared losing her job, her career, to be pilloried by her peers. Being black and female had made it hard enough to advance in this career. She couldn’t risk it all by making wild accusations.  But the proof had been right there!

She let out a screech of pain as her ankle turned over misjudging the final step.  She deserved that for the role she has played in all this.

She ran as fast as she could to her car.  The underground car park was quiet, the only sound was the clip clopping of her heels.  This was soon accompanied by the sound of other footsteps, more heavier ones.

They know.

She tried to increase her pace but every quick step caused flashes of pain to shoot up her leg.  Maybe she should just give up. Let them do whatever they intended. It’s too late anyway.

She stopped turning to look at her pursuers as they gained ground on her quickly.

No. There is always a chance.

Kicking off her heels she made one last desperate stride towards her car.

Wendy

Everything was horrid!

Wendy L’Amour leaned against the wall drinking what must have been her third glass of wine in as many minutes.

This ought to have been her proudest moment. Her novel, the one she spent years tirelessly writing was being brought to life on the big screen.  Millions more people will finally get to experience her epic story; yet the reality was this had become her worst nightmare.

Six years of her life had been poured into this book. Sleepless nights revising and editing to create her opus – The Fell. It was an intergalactic love story about an androgynous alien species  (The Fell) who, although incapable of love, fall for the earthly charms of a human.

It was a beautiful story. Every moment of the book perfectly choreographed to evoke the intended emotional response from the reader. Wendy had been particularly proud of a 25 page love scene – no mean feat considering The Fell did not possess genitalia.

She emptied her glass and let out a groan as she recalled that moment she sold her soul to the Devil.  In this instance, her soul was the rights to her book and The Devil was one Miss Carmel Ash.

She should have just refused. The book was selling well but perhaps giddy with her 4.6 out of 5 rating she had wanted more.

Her relationship with Carmel Ash started pretty badly and very quickly got worse.  Wendy recalled their first meeting where Carmel just sat there, her eyes covered by sunglasses, expressionless.

The bitch never smiles.

It was Carmel’s assistant that did all the talking; he was a weasly looking man who Wendy disliked. No sooner had the ink dried on the contract all the promises made went out the window. She wouldn’t be writing the screenplay, instead some arrogant upstart got that job and he changed everything.

By the time that little shit had finished with it her beautiful story was unrecognisable. Gone was the idea of love transcending everything and instead The Fell has been turned into horny little aliens.

The conflict was no longer internal, metaphors of the struggles with one’s identity and the expectation of society, it was now an actual fucking space war.

Wendy should have known it’ll be a disaster.  Especially when the only thing the Director of this CGI fuck up had previously done was a movie about fucking killer squirrels.

Wendy was distracted from her self loathing by a very attractive, leggy blonde in jean hot pants walked past en route to the bathroom.

And what has a fucking cowgirl got anything to do with it!

She would have continued with this internal rebuke but the lights went out. A dazzling light display accompanied by some  enthusiastic drumming signalled the arrival of the woman responsible for Wendy’s rage.

Carmel Ash dressed in a futuristic silver outfit walked up to the podium; her image portrayed on a big screen above her. The crowd cheered her arrival as the fit-inducing light show went into overdrive.

In a painfully stage managed way, she lifted her manicured hands above her head and brought them crashing down on an oversized red button in front of her.

The lights disappeared leaving everyone in darkness, the only illumination were the faint glow of hundreds of smart phones suddenly being thrust up into the air. The drums stopped and there was silence save for a few whoops and cheers amongst the assembled crowd.

Then emblazoned in the night sky of London a countdown appeared.

10

The crowd excitably begun to cheer and completely out of sinc joined in the countdown

9

Wendy looked up at the large numbers which seemed to signal the countdown to confirmation of the dissolution of her soul.

8

Angie screamed as her car failed to start.  Every day for five years it had started perfectly. Only when she is about to be killed by a number of unknown assailants does it decide to play up.

7

Merci stroked her giant strap on while mouthing ‘fuck you’.  This would normally rile them up but tonight they seemed more agitated.

You still got it, girl!

6

Taylor was about to leave the restroom when she heard a moan followed by a loud thud.

“Hey” she called out “You guys okay in there?”

There was no response and concerned she walked towards the cubicle.

5

Elena felt him pressed up against her. He seemed more aroused than he had ever been. His hands reaching round her, gripping her tight. This was going to be rough.

He seemed angry.

4

Veronica’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped as her dark stranger walked towards her.  He was virtually bursting through his trousers.

She was sure that was lust he had in her eyes.

3

Hoshi felt his hands grip her buttocks.

“Hey! Look but don’t touch” she exclaimed.

But the owner of these wandering hands gripped tighter. The momentum caused her to fall to the ground with the mysterious groper on top of her.

2

With her mouth full all Lorna could think was she wished he’d shut up.  His deep breathing and low moans were starting to become an annoyance. She felt like stopping to enquire if he was asthmatic.

She felt his hand on the back of her head as he gripped her hair tight.  Really tight.

1

The crowd were too preoccupied with the countdown to notice what was going on.

Carmel Ash just stood there, her eyes transfixed, a smile appearing on her lips.

The bitch never smiles

0

The world was about to turn to shit.

The Randomness Of Selina : Year 2 Day 7 : Fell8 Revisted

Having just celebrated my one year on Twitter followed by the first anniversary of this website another milestone is fast approaching – The first anniversary of when I started writing Fell8.

Fell8 was my first outright piece of fiction I wrote.

If truth be told I should have finished it by now. If I had my way I’d have finished about four stories by now but there we go.

Fell8 is a quite a special story to me. Not only is it a fun tale to write but it reminds me of some hilarious threads I was involved in during my early days on Twitter.

The idea for this story spawned from two discussions with the awesome Wednesday Noir, the lovely Daniele Light and the super Clara Zaynn.

The first was how’d we all fair in an old school horror movie and the second related to surviving a zombie apocalypse.

My answer to both was the same – I’d be having sex. At some point during the conversation and it may have been me who said it, I was sucking off zombies to survive the apocalypse.

And so the idea of Fell8 was born. Yet it wasn’t to be erotica. Indeed Fell8 (which in case you didn’t know is a play on the word fellate) was to signal my move away from erotica that I had concentrated on with the Of Selina series.

It was not necessarily a conscious decision but having decided that my zombies could only be killed by a blowjob it didn’t seem to work to have an explicit details.

Whilst the story is littered with references to penis I felt it worked simply as a bizarre way to kill someone.

Indeed, whilst there is humour in Fell8 a lot of that comes from the situation of how they have to kill the zombies.

Replace this unique method with the more traditional sword or gun and it’s just a straightforward zombie apocalypse story. But by making the main characters all female and having the only way to kill the advancing horde is by performing a sex act, you’d be surprised how many storylines open up.

I also wanted it to be very character driven and the eight main characters are all loosely based/inspired by some of my closest chums on Twitter.

The structure of each chapter intentionally plays out as if it were an episode of a TV series.

It was fun plotting each ‘episode’ especially as more than once I would say to myself ‘what creative way can I have them give a blowjob?!’

Violent. Ludicrous and completely wrong, it has been the funnest thing to write.

Therefore I could not simply leave it incomplete. Of all my stories I have started but failed to finish Fell8 would hurt the most.

Fell8 also marked my first foray into Wattpad, which equally hasn’t gone to plan.

Indeed you would only find the opening of Fell8 on this website and so I’ve got an idea.

For the benefit of all those nervous about hopping over to Wattpad I’m going to bring the story so far over to here.

Then maybe we will see about completing the damn thing.

Good plan?

The Randomness Of Selina : Year 2 Day 6 : Keep On Running

Last year I was in a wonderful routine. Everything was nicely balanced between work and play; I was even able to actually get quite a bit of writing done.

Then towards the latter part of the year it went, as they say, horribly tits up.

This was mainly due to work. It had a domino effect on my writing and my free time. One of the first things to be sacrificed was my Sunday morning run.

Every Sunday my over-enthusiastic neighbour used to knock for me and we’d go for a few miles run around London. I hated her.

However it kept me fit but with the increase in workload and corresponding alcohol intake, I chose to keep my lazy arse in bed.

And over the winter months that lazy arse has got bigger. In previous years I would have shed the consequence of my over indulgence by Spring. But not this year.

So as we look to say goodbye to the Summer I thought I’d do something about it. I was going to go for a run.

Dusting off my jogging gear and after spending perhaps a little too long staring at my butt in spandex I stepped out into a pleasantly bright Sunday morning in London.

Having jogged regularly for most of last year I was confident that I could just pick it up where I left off. Big mistake!

Not so much muscle memory but more a collective amnesia of all my joints. They had no clue what they were doing. Even the basics of moving one foot in front of the other seemed an alien manoeuvre.

A few powerful yet ungainly strides down the road and already my brain was lost in a cloud of confusion. It half expected that we’d be sitting on the sofa eating donuts watching reruns of Columbo.

My blood and my heart was locked in a battle as to who could escape my body first. The heart opting for route one straight out my chest, whereas my blood felt escaping through my ears was the way to go.

My lungs chose that very moment to forget how to carry out it’s basic, primary function of breathing.

With my flat still in view I found myself slumped over some railings muttering through very little breath ‘Fuck. This. Shit!’

My return to running didn’t go quite to plan but I fall back on the immortal words of Freddy Mercury.

Fat Bottomed Girls – They make the rocking world go round!”

The Randomness Of Selina : Year 2 Day 5 : Unicorned Squirrels II – The Next Bit

So the opening of the much anticipated sequel what is also a prequel saw us in World War II.

Following an epic air battle, crates carrying scores of Unicorned Squirrels sunk into the English Channel. I know you are all eager to find out what happens next.

Following the opening credits we move from the 1940s to 1992.

Now I was only 2 back in 1992 and remember nothing about it. I have therefore painstakingly researched that period so it is authentic. I think you agree that my research into World War II really paid off in the opening scene.

Construction of the Channel Tunnel (for those who are unaware that’s the tunnel connecting England and France) had progressed with the English and the French finally meeting in the middle. Fun Fact – The English got there first.

It is during the final stages of construction that our story begins.

We go deep into the tunnel and one side are the French workers and the British workers on the other.

Now, in writing the Unicorned Squirrels I have been careful never to opt for basic stereotypes. Instead my characters are more nuanced, detailing the subtle characteristics associated with a particular nationality.

So our scene begins with an English guy leaving a Port-a-loo toilet.

Dave: Woa! Lads I’d give it s few minutes if I were you.

Johnny: Here, how was it with that bird last night?

Steve: What bird?

Johnny: Y’know that sort who works down at the Cash and Carry

Steve: Yeh she was alright…… Not as good as your sister…..Or your mum.

A play fight ensues as the French workers look on, shaking their heads disapprovingly. One of the French workers digs his spade into the ground which gives way and he falls into a hole.

Dave: What’s happening over there?

Johnny: Silly French Bastard has fallen down a hole.

They walk over and join the French workers to investigate, peering down into the hole.

Steve (speaking into hole) : Hello?

Dave: He won’t be able to understand you….He’s French.

Steve: Well someone needs to go down and see if he’s okay

They all look at each other and then everyone looks at Johnny. He shrugs and reluctantly agrees to go down the hole.

He’s winched down the hole;

Dave: Can you see anything?

Johnny: No…but there’s definitely something down there

They winch him down lower when suddenly;

Johnny: Guys! Guys! There’s something here. Winch me back up! Winch me back up!

The others try to winch him up but the rope is going in the opposite direction….Fast.

Desperately they try to keep hold of the rope but it slips through their hands, nearly causing them to also fall into the hole.

They nervously peer into the hole

Johnny? Johnny mate?

Through the gloom of the hole something emerges. It is Johnny’s severed head.

They all scream and this is quickly followed by the French worker’s head being thrown up through the hole. They scream again.

Dave: What the f…. What the hell is happening.

He nervously peers over the side and he comes face to face with a Unicorned Squirrel bastard.

That’s right. The Unicorned Squirrels are here in the 1990s!

The Randomness Of Selina : Year 2 Day 4 : Opening To A Story I’ll Never Write

Carrie stood at the door with an inane, overtly happy expression on her face. This was her favourite well-used mask.

She’d just finished whispering orders to her son out of the corner of her mouth, reminding him to just ‘fucking behave’ and for the love of God remember to kiss Grandma.

Her fixed, happy expression broke briefly as she looked nervously behind at her car. But before that joyful mask could slip fully the door opened.

“Oh you’re here…Finally ” said her sister, Vanessa with just the right amount of passive aggressiveness that made Carrie want to rip her sister’s fake extensions out.

Instead Carrie breathed and offered the tray of pasta bake she had made to her sister.

Vanessa eyed it with contempt before dismissively telling her to put it on the table in the garden.

Forcing that happy mask to stay on her face she smiled and made her way through the house towards the garden.

The contents of her lovingly made pasta bake nearly spilled onto the floor as her son rushed past her, knocking her arm.

“Just beha…” she began to call out before realising the futility of her instructions; opting instead to end the sentence with a mumble of “little shit.”

Carrie stood in the kitchen and looked out towards the well manicured lawn where an ensemble of guests all chatted loudly.

She knew she would not be able to avoid them. Within moments of stepping foot onto the grass she would have to endure hearing about The Collins’ latest holiday to some place she swore has never existed.

And then Julie and I went backpacking through Mordor….So exhilarating!!

Or there would be Marie proudly listing the academic accomplishments of her darling son, Oscar. Cassie would only be able to counter with the proud fact that her own son had stopped sticking his head down the toilet.

Finally, there would be her Mother. Cassie could feel her mask slipping as she imagined the glee her Mother would take in listing all of Cassie’s failures. A particular past-time that her Mother could not resist to indulge in at every opportunity.

She took a deep breath. Just relax Cassie.

Go find toothless Grandma, kiss her and congratulate her on not dying before the party. Smile then get out of here before the real problems start.

Her thoughts were interrupted by two large hands gripping her shoulders. It was Rick, her husband or how her Mother described him – another one of your mistakes.

Rick was kind and loyal but his failed get rich quick schemes had met the seething disapproval of Cassie’s Mother.

“Why couldn’t you have found a reliable successful husband like Vanessa did?”

Vanessa’s husband was an accountant and together they lived the perfect life whilst Cassie tried her best to make ends meet because Rick had lost another chunk of their savings on some Pyramid scheme.

She could feel her mask slipping further and her inner turmoil guided towards the drinks table where she poured herself a large glass of wine.

“I take it I’ll be driving” said Rick

“Not now Rick” Cassie replied

“It’s just you promised that….”

“I said NOT NOW.”

She hated snapping at Rick. None of this was his fault, the stupid dumb lug that he was. She quickly emptied her glass before filling it straight back up.

Taking another swig she looked out towards the garden and her gaze fell upon her Mother who was already glancing at her with that disapproving look.

That’s it mum. Scowl at me. Because there is so much for you to be ashamed of.

It was true. Very shortly the fact that Cassie had raised a feral child and had a loser husband would be the least of anyone’s concern.

Very soon she’d be required to explain a lot more. Like why there was a pizza boy tied up in her basement, or why her boss was lying in his office unconscious and naked. Then there was the small matter of who Melody was. That’s before she’s even got to the part about the five million pounds sitting in the boot of her car.

Cassie looked at her phone and took a final gulp of her drink.

Best go kiss Grandma. The Police will be here in a minute.