The Mystery Of Selina : A Confessions Tale

It was not the waking up in a strange bed that surprised me. That had become such a regular occurrence it had become more of a surprise to find myself in my own bed.

Neither was it the immediate realisation I was naked nor the thumping reminder of how much alcohol I had drank. These had all become my usual ritual of the morning after the night before.

I slowly turned around and willed myself to open my eyes and face whoever it was I would be regretting sleeping with this week.

I was already planning my exit strategy as I finally opened my eyes, hoping that whoever it was beside me was still asleep so I could sneak out and avoid the awkwardness of any further encounter with him.

Except it wasn’t a him it was a her.

And it wasn’t just any her; it was Mel, one of my best friends.

And she was just as naked and surprised as I was.

For a moment there was a beautiful sense of normality. I whispered a pleasant ‘Good Morning’ before snuggling into my pillow, closing my eyes pleased I would not have to make an early morning exit.

The brief tranquility was interrupted first by Mel enquiring loudly “Why the fuck are we naked?” followed quickly by the thumping headache, a reminder of the alcohol consumed and likely the answer to Mel’s question.

I opened my eyes, squinting as the morning light, invading through a gap in the curtain, decided it would make my headache feel that little bit worse. Mel was sitting up, completely naked, a perplexed look on her face.

Her impatience to know the answer to the burning question ‘Why the fuck were we naked’ prompted her to shake me. Clearly she thought I could solve this riddle but one look at my confused face showed I was as clueless as she was.

There was nothing unusual with us sleeping together. As one of my best friends we had often shared a bed but it had always been whilst relatively clothed and only ever to sleep. This time it was different.

Mel and I had become a lot closer of late, the only two remaining members of The Feisty Feline Fellowship that still went out on a regular basis. Pixie was often travelling abroad with work and Pru was busy planning her wedding with her Doctor fiancé.

It was Pru’s transformation into Bridezilla that led Mel and I to start taking road trips to avoid her. Pru had told us very clearly that we wouldn’t be part of the bridal party.

“I have lots of sisters you understand” she explained. We were more than happy with this arrangement and pleased we could just turn up at the wedding with zero responsibility and get drunk.

Yet Pru had started feeling guilty about our lack of involvement and was trying to find roles for us. This led to us avoiding her in the hope that our unreliability would preclude us from any part to play in this wedding.

It was during one of these Operation: Avoid Pru road trips that Mel and I had awoken together in the same bed, naked.

“Why the fuck we naked?!” Mel persisted in knowing the answer to this question as if, that riddle alone, would unlock the memory of the night before that was lost in a haze of alcohol.

I looked back at her, our eyes locked in a lingering glance as we silently contemplated the most likely possibility.

By now my attraction to the same sex was firmly established and whilst Mel had never previously shown any such inclination our bond had grown stronger.

We were more flirtatious with each other, sexual innuendo laced our conversation, kisses and hugs became more frequent.

Although I couldn’t recall having any sexual desire towards Mel perhaps it had always been there laying deep in my subconscious. With each road trip maybe we grew closer and closer, our attraction intensifying until neither of us could resist anymore.

The previous night was the culmination of years of repressed desire. Our blissful union confirmed in a budget room at the Travelodge.

As I stared into Mel’s bleary but beautiful eyes I wondered if she felt the same. That a sexual encounter between two friends needn’t be awkward but the start of something even more magical.

“Oh Fuck!! Do you think we had sex?”

Or maybe not.

I took a sip from the previous nights water which tasted stale as I attempted to put my friend’s mind at rest.

“I doubt we had sex sweetie” I replied, trying to sound as certain as I could.

“Really? Cos I can’t remember and you can’t remember and why would we be naked and have each other’s hands on our…” Mel was starting to sound a bit manic and paced around the bed.

“The sheets!” she exclaimed as she pulled back the sheet I was still under.

“Easy tiger! I mean if you want to go again” I joked which was not fully appreciated by Mel “What are you doing sweetie?”

“If we had sex there would be….evidence ” she explained.

And there we were, early in the morning, heads thumping staring intently at the crumpled sheets of a bed.

“We need one of those blue lights” said Mel “Y’know like they use in CSI”

“I don’t think we have one of those sweetie” I replied “But I don’t think we really want to be shining blue lights onto the bed of a budget hotel!”

Mel looked a little disappointed that we did not possess a light that would reveal sexual fluid on sheets; she even checked her phone to see if there was a suitable app.

She seemed obsessed with finding out if we had sex or not. I was unsure if this was because it was something she always wanted to do and now regretted that alcohol will forever prevent her from recalling that special moment. Alternatively, she was just horrified that two best mates appeared to have had drunken lesbian sex.

Either way I concluded that little would be achieved just staring at a bed and suggested we get dressed and go down to get some breakfast, my stomach was threatening to release the previous night’s alcohol if it didn’t get some bacon.

“Where are our clothes?” said Mel , seemingly determined to only communicate in questions.

As with her previous enquiry of whether we had sex I equally had no answer to the location of our clothing.

Our road trips are normally spontaneous and so we travel very light. We had been wearing the only clothes we had with us, which had just vanished. A search round the tiny room showed no trace of us ever possessing any clothing.

“What are we going to do?” More questions from Mel “We are naked and have no clothes!”

It was difficult to think straight having to contend with a panicky Mel and a bacon obsessed stomach threatening to rebel. I offered the only suggestion I could think of.

“Look the car is just outside. I say we checkout from here and make a run for it. There’s probably some old gym clothes in the car, we can wear them”

I smiled at Mel quite happy with the plan I had thought of despite so many distractions.

“Selina we are on the fourth floor!”

I was too busy fumbling the remote to checkout to respond to a clear flaw in my plan. Within a few moments something else was bothering me more than the practicalities of a naked run to the car park.

“Sweetie. When did we order porn?”

Mel joined me and looked at the TV which clearly displayed our bill and the four porn films we apparently ordered. She slowly mouthed the titles of the porn, looking at me after each one; at least it distracted her from our naked-lost-clothes-possibly-also-had-sex predicament.

“You must have ordered them” she concluded.

“How is it me” I replied “I’ve been with you the entire time!”

Whilst the over indulgence on porn was another weird twist it still remained the least of our worries. Yet naked, no clothes and still yearning for bacon I suddenly had an idea.

“Bathroom!” I exclaimed.

Mel smiled “Yes we probably took our clothes off in the bathroom.”

I was going to suggest we just take the towels, wrap them around us and pretend that we’ve been to the swimming pool as we walk through the hotel. My plan did rely on other guests and staff not to realise this hotel did not have pool. Therefore Mel’s suggestion our clothes were located in the bathroom seemed a much better idea. I watched as she padded quickly to the bathroom.

When she opened the door and turned on the light the room was absent of our clothes (although two large towels were clearly there for me to instigate Plan B).

Yet despite the revelation that our clothes were missing Mel was significantly more concerned with the body she found in our bathtub.

“Do you think he’s dead?” she asked , her voice wavering slightly

“Well, he’s laying face down in a bathtub and not moving so it’s a possibility.” I replied

We both stood at the edge of the doorway staring at this lifeless male body. He was about 6ft, scraggily hair and was clothed in a dressy shirt and skinny trousers, his feet were bare and hung over the lip of the bathtub.

We returned to the bedroom and processed this new twist to our strange morning. My stomach frustrated over the lack bacon now conspired with my bladder, but I had no desire to pee next to a dead guy.

“Call your dad” suggested Mel “I bet he knows how to get rid of a body”.

I stared through the crack in the curtain as my brain worked through this new event. Was he dead and if so did we kill him?

There was no blood anywhere and so the only violence that happened in this room is the assault on my brain that thumped hard. I would have mentioned that to Mel but she’d only be wanting to get a new CSI light to scour the room with…just to be sure.

Maybe we strangled him. Perhaps on this eventful road trip not only did Mel and I declare our love for each other but also our burning hatred of all Men. We lured that poor soul to our room before strangling him with our clothes, burning the evidence and then horny with vengeful lust Mel and I had passionate sex.

Or maybe he simply wasn’t dead.

“Go and give him a nudge” I suggested to Mel

“I’m not touching him” Mel protested.

“Just find something to poke him with then” I snapped back, my head and stomach roaring in union.

Mel looked around the room and unable to find anything suitable opted for the collection of tea and coffee sachets which she threw one at a time at the body. Unsurprisingly, an Earl Grey teabag does not raise the dead.

I continued to stare out the window, I needed to think but my head and stomach was making it impossible. A coffee may have helped but presently my ability to make one now lay under a dead body.

Then something caught my eye outside. A possible clue to this mystery we have found ourselves in.

“Hey sweetie” I called out to Mel “I’ve found our clothes.”

Mel joined me at the window as we spotted our clothing on the tarmac four floors below, except my bra which was dangling impressively from a branch of a tree.

“Why are they out there?” asked Mel “What is going on Selina?”

“I may be able to help with that”

We turned to see the dead guy standing in front of us. And he was talking. And he wasn’t dead.

“I met you two at a club” the Not-Dead guy began to explain “You were being very flirty with each other, dancing and….”

“Dude I want to hear this story but our eyes are not down there”

“Sorry” Not-Dead Guy continued “So you two were flirting…..”

“Or there!!!”

“Anyway you saw me looking and you came over and we got talking. We had a few drinks and then you (looking at Mel) asked if I wanted to come back to your room.

You (looking at me) said I would have the greatest night of my life. So we went back to your room and you started kissing each other and made me watch as you did a striptease, throwing your clothes out the window.

Then you said you wanted to make my dreams come true and asked if I watched porn. You turned on the TV and asked me to pick a porn film promising you would recreate every scene, all in this room with me.”

“Dude you ordered FOUR porn films!”

“I couldn’t make my mind up. Anyway once the film started you kinda just said you were sleepy and said I could carry on watching the porn if I wanted.”

I looked at Mel who seemed a little ashamed of our antics. A feeling of regret now joined my hunger and need to urinate. Such events did not faze me, it was who I was. But had I broken a golden rule and dragged my friend into my dangerous, dirty lifestyle?

“Anyway, it was getting late and I couldn’t get a cab so I just went and slept in the bath. Hope that was okay?”

Not-Dead Guy finished his explanation and then lingered in the hope that we may still give him what we had drunkenly promised the night before. However, the look on our faces clearly indicated that would not be happening.

“I guess I’ll be going” he said rather sorrowfully and began to move towards the door.

Not-Dead Guy seemed really nice. He was attractive and respectful, there’s not many guys like that around so just maybe…

“Hey sweetie” I called out after him, he turned with a look of anticipation on his face “You wouldn’t mind going downstairs and getting our clothes would you?”

The Saving of Selina 

Six months. That is how long I was with Keith, checking off the items  from his naughty bucket list.

I was feeling rather upbeat about this arrangement. I had seen the list, we had agreed upon which ones I would do plus Keith had promised it would be more than just sex.

On that front he was certainly true to his word, treating me to lavish meals, nights out at the theatre and whatever else I cared to ask for. I even managed to drag him along to a comic convention, where he spent most of the time gazing at the variety of cosplayers before promptly amending his sex bucket list.

Keith ,I don’t remember ‘ must be dressed as Batgirl’ on this one?’

It wasn’t the case that he would take me out somewhere as a reward for a sterling sexual performance. Indeed, sometimes he just wanted to have my company during a meal.

No Keith, a guy buys me dinner then I suck his cock..Thats how it works, right?’ 

Whilst it was all rather gentlemanly of him I was concerned that he was becoming too attached. That was certainly something I wished to avoid. I had no intention of being a slutty stepmother to someone who was the same age as me.

No matter how kind, attentive and considerate Keith may have been I was not after any relationship. Although he was showing me how a guy should treat a girl I was more focused on seeing through my part of the deal. I was determined that neither of us would renege on our agreement; even if regular lunch at the Savoy was quite pleasant.

The first of Keith’s fantasies to be fulfilled was to have sex in his office. He had it all planned; indeed, Keith would often brief me as to expectations of the fantasy. I did not mind,  as such was his innocent charm,  I found it mildly amusing as he bumbled over describing the sex act he wanted performed. Sometimes, I would play dumb or pretend I hadn’t heard something so he’d have to repeat it again.

The only slight downside to Keith’s pre-sex briefings (or pervy priming as I affectionately referred to them) was that the events lacked an element of spontaneity.

So when I arrived in his office,  wearing a long overcoat to disguise the fact that underneath was nothing more than bra, panties and stockings, I was immediately struck by how empty and tidy his desk was.

Keith had confirmed during the briefing that were going to have sex on his desk.  Clearly, he had spent the time when everyone else had gone home to put everything neatly away.

There was to be no passionate sweeping of papers as we ripped each other’s clothes off.  No, it was all choreographed to the point I had expected to see markings on the desk like some horny game of Twister.

Sorry, does my left buttock go here?’

Nevertheless the creator of these fantasies was having a wonderful time. I had reconciled previously that I would never experience true sexual pleasure. My role in all this was to facilitate someone else’s carnal desires and I was genuinely happy with that arrangement.

If I hadn’t been performing these well planned erotic adventures I would be having some random guy between my legs for no other reason than I felt compelled to do so. This was far more pleasant.

Of course such was my reliance on Keith’s briefings that I didn’t really do much thinking for myself. So as he got his breath back following his orgasm he suggested we go have some dinner.

“But I’m just in my underwear Keith” I pointed out.

“Oh” he replied “Did you not bring a change of clothes?”

As the months went on I felt the happiest I had been for a long time. My mind was flourishing in the brightness, having been stifled for so long under the dark clouds that had consumed me.

When I was with Keith I did not experience any feelings of anger, disgust or frustration that had led to culmination of the storm clouds and the manifestation of that feeling of numbness.

Perhaps the only slight frustration I felt was during one of Keith’s bucket list fantasies when he wanted to have sex whilst his favourite jazz tune played.

Once I had got past the distraction of whether the piano was actually  being played correctly, it all seemed to go a little chaotic.

Keith seemed determined to have sex with me to the rhythm of the music, yet there seemed to be no actual rhythm. Cymbals would crash and trumpets blare which sounded like a cat being strangled. Keith’s movements inside me replicated the cacophony of chaos that filled the room. If someone had been watching they would be forgiven in thinking that this fifty year old was having a fit.

The fantasy had been to make love to this one particular tune but after twenty minutes of random crash, bangs and wallops I brought Keith, who was happily humming away, closer to me and whispered

“Hun I think this is a different tune?”

Without breaking from his haphazard rhythm he replied “No. Still the same one.”

That evening I certainly had admiration for Keith’s stamina but cannot say that I had a new found love for jazz.

The final bucket list fantasy was left purposely to last, not by me but by Keith. I never asked why, perhaps he wanted to end our time together with a bang. Keith wanted to get a little kinky.

I was unsurprised that this particular fantasy would appear on the list; around that time it was all the rage. Thousands of sexually repressed British people were showing how much they loved their partner by tieing them up and whacking them.

I had been tied up before but rarely made a habit of it. Although I had no control over my compulsion to have random sex I still retained some semblance of intelligence. I was not suddenly going to let a guy I had just met tie me up so I could not escape, or at the very least kick him in the balls. But I had been with Keith for months, he was kind and I trusted him.

My arse had been spanked countless times during sex and some of my one nighters would get a little rough. Nevertheless, Keith was a gentle soul and doubted he could hurt me.

Therefore I had agreed to this particular fantasy expecting that this would all be performed rather half-heartedly and that Keith would lose interest halfway through and just revert back to normal sex.

However he had planned this quite methodically and wanted to insert a little roleplay into this fantasy. Here was where we encountered the first problem.

I had grown up in comic book stores and had listened to numerous heated discussions about plot holes and the problem with retcons.

I would never participate in such discussions but clearly some of the fanboy ranting must have rubbed off on me because I was unhappy with the plot of Keith’s fantasy.

“So you will be a naughty secretary that I punish for making mistakes.” said Keith.

I stifled a giggle as I watched Keith describe his naughty idea in such a bumbling manner. However, I felt this storyline needed to be clarified.

“Wait. What sort of mistakes?” I enquired.

Keith was not expecting any enquiry into the detail of his fantasy and stuttered his response “Ermmm.. You know, not filing properly, late.. That sort of stuff.”

“So I’m incompetent?” I replied

“Well.. Yes I guess you are.”

“So not naughty just incompetent.” I stated.

“Well… No.. You’re naughty and incompetent” bumbled Keith.

“Not doing the filing properly and that does not make me naughty it makes me shit at my job.”

Keith went to say something but I continued “I mean if I can’t do my job properly then you give me warnings… training… notify HR… Not fucking flog me. That’s not in the Company Manual”

“HR don’t know and you are too concerned about keeping your job to say anything to anyone.” Keith said, desperately trying to maintain the simplicity of this fantasy.

“Fuck off. My job is to do filing. You start threatening to spank me cos I’m shit at it.. I’ll bloody leave straight away.”

Keith smiled trying to find a compromise  “Look let’s just say I am a kinky boss that likes to punish poor workers that way.”

“Did you do that to Roger when he broke the photocopier?” I replied.

“Who’s Roger?” Keith asked, looking a little confused.

“Just someone I added to this scenario to give it some realism”

Keith held his hands up “There is no Roger.”

“He’s got a wife and two kids you know” I added

“SELINA!” Keith exclaimed before smiling and calmly he replied “OK you’re not incompetent just slutty and you make these mistakes purposely  to get me to punish you. ”

“So why don’t I just ask you to spank me?” I suggested.

“Excuse me?” asked Keith.

“Rather than just pretend to be shit at my job why don’t I just bend over your desk and say ‘spank me big boy'”

“Because….” Keith thought for a moment, sighed and went and got a drink.

The evening of the fantasy I emerged from the bathroom wearing black thigh high stockings and a basque, all finished off with a choker.  If there were any doubt what Keith intended to do then the fact my bare arse was clearly on show was a bit of a giveaway.

“I don’t think this is really suitable office attire, Keith” I said.

“We’ve moved on from that scenario now.” he replied.

Since my geeky necessity for plot perfection Keith had not shared with me the details of his new revised fantasy. My ex Steven used to do that a lot but Keith was kinder and gentler. I was certain I had nothing to worry about. At the end of the day I was simply submitting myself to a guy I’ve known for just a few months holding a paddle in his hand.

There was a pillar that separated his lounge from the hallway and Keith chose that location to tie me up.  Facing the pillar he begun to bind my hands and ankles.

“Oh… We need a safe word” he said.

“How about ‘Stop fucking hitting me you wanker'” I suggested.

Ignoring my comment he provided the name of one of his favourite Jazz musicians as our safe word.

With me bound and nowhere to go Keith stalked round me. He was naked save for a silk robe that did little to hide his modesty.

” You’ve been a bad girl.” He offered that cliché in a rather unconvincing way but followed it up with a crack of the paddle on my bare buttocks.

It was at that moment of the hard leather colliding with my soft skin that I realised something.  It was something I had not really thought about. All the rough sex and scrapes I had gotten into in my life it had never occurred to me until that moment.

I don’t like pain.

THWACK!!

I really don’t like pain.

“Fuckin’ Hell Keith” I screamed

“Yeh you like that don’t you? You naughty girl” he replied, now in full role play mode.

“No it fucking hurts” I screamed with  tears forming in my eyes.

But Keith did not relent and why would he? This was his fantasy and I hadn’t said the safe word.

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

Pride was not the reason I didn’t scream out the safe word. Nor was it because I was enjoying it; having my arse beaten was definitely not my idea of a fun Friday night.  However determined I was to fulfill Keith’s fantasies I had no hesitation in calling it off.

No, the reason I did not was because I wasn’t paying attention when he told me. I probably should have written it down but that was difficult on account of my hands being tied up at the time.

For all Keith knew my cries of pain were an act; an exaggerated performance to bring to life his fantasy.  He wanted to punish me for being slutty.  He wanted to punish me for being incompetent and failing to do the most basic things in life correctly. Art imitating life. Perhaps there were  reasons I wasn’t shouting out the safe word.

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

My buttocks stung and the soreness of my skin made each whack more painful. Keith was relentless, his normal kind demeanour had transformed into something more sinister. Was he trying to really hurt me? Or was he simply performing a role. Just all part of the make believe.

As I stood there, bound, being flogged an image flashed through my mind. It was an image that I had become familiar with but which had been absent from my mind for the entire duration of the  relationship with Keith.

It was of the dark towering behemoth. The one that would lead me towards that final descent into the dark abyss of nothingness.

At the start of our relationship I had contemplated whether Keith could be that final liason but had quickly dismissed that thought. He was kind and his bumbling nature had been disarming.

Yet, although I had no control over my compulsion which had seen me engage in all manner of sexual activity, I had always been careful never to leave myself in a position of vulnerability where I would be unable to resist the advances of the mystery monster that haunted my dreams. But I found myself bound, unable to move, unable to run. I was totally at the mercy of another.

I could sense the sinister black clouds forming, ready to erase the brightness of my mind that I had enjoyed the past few months. No doubt Lina would be riding the roaring gloom like a lustful valkyrie; crashes of thunder would ring out in my head to signal her return.

I closed my eyes as Keith continued to punish me. I had submitted to whatever Keith intended to do next. Would he hurt me? I mean really hurt me. Use me in whatever way he desired with no consideration of myself.

This was to be our final time together…..a final liaison. Bound tightly I could not see behind me. Dare I try to look? To see that once gentle face now contorted in an expression of dark lustful malevolence. His skin reddening from the exertion of the brutality he was delivering.

With tears running down my face I closed my eyes once more willing  the numbness that the dark clouds would provide to arrive.

Then the beating stopped. I stood there in silence, my breath in sync with the throbbing of my skin.  Why had he stopped? Was this the calm before the actual storm?  Then he spoke, the comforting bumbling tones a juxtaposition of the image of the raging punisher I had fixed in my mind.

“Well I must say this isn’t at all what I imagined” he said “Not at all. I am rather disappointed and really don’t see what the fuss is all about”

I let out a laugh which was more an exclamation of relief. “You not aroused then Keith?” I asked.

“Not in the slightest. I do hope I did not hurt you in pursuing this ridiculous fantasy” he said as he begun to untie me.

“No… Just stings a little” I replied.

Free of restraint I watched Keith slump mournfully into an armchair. Our final time had not been the event he had hoped for. He realised that was it, the end of the deal, time to go our separate ways.

Even I could not end it on such a sour note.  There was a element of pride there. The Fantasy Giver was not about to bow out on a loss. But also I had become rather fond of Keith.

I dropped to my knees and begun to slowly crawl towards Keith.

“Selina what are you doing?” he exclaimed.

I did not respond, just continued my slow, sultry journey to his lap where I took his flaccid penis in my hand guiding it towards my lips.

I looked up at Keith as I felt him grow hard inside my warm mouth. His look was one of confusion… Just what I like!

I sucked on his expanding meat until he was about to explode, all the while my eyes were fixed on his, watching the bewildered enjoyment he was experiencing. This is how Selina says goodbye… Or is that more Lina’s style.

I stood up and straddled Keith lowering myself onto his wet cock. He gripped my buttocks that were raw from the beating they had taken. A sharp intake of breath accompanied my descent onto his aroused member.

Keith buried his face into my pert breasts as I slid up and down upon him. It was raw and it was passionate. No briefing. No priming. Just instinctive spontaneous sex.  This aroused Keith more than perhaps he wanted. His orgasm came quick hard. He shook and in the final throes of his passionate release I swore he muttered “I love you.”

In that moment I probably could have said the same.  Keith was not to be my downfall. He was not my foe determined to destroy me, he was my saviour.

Instead of dragging me down into that dark pit of despair he had jumped in and plucked me out. He was my white knight, not so much in shining armour but in pinstripes.

Rather than confirm my ultimate destruction and sentence me to a lifetime of soul sapping numbness he had, through his kindness, banished those clouds.

Keith was a decent man. An honest man. So why would I not tell him I love him and carry on with the relationship?

What is that old cliché? It’s not you it’s me?  There was nothing wrong with Keith but there sure as hell was something wrong with me.

Despite the best efforts of the pinstriped warrior fragments of the darkness he rescued me from remained. Small reminders as to what I had done, what I was like, what I was capable of.

Lina would return; I had no doubt about that. I didn’t want Keith to meet her, he certainly did not deserve that. She would have no regard for his feelings and lay waste to his beautiful kind manner.

If I told him I loved him it would make what would follow harder. That moment I would callously and cruelly hurt him for no other reason than I was bored. To respond to his gestures of kindness with a numb indifference. That was not fair. He deserved better.

He had saved me and in return I had given him everything he wanted.  They had been a happy six months  and it was probably best to keep them that way.

So I could not tell him I loved him. It was time to move on and my parting words as I slid down his cock one final time were simple;

“Thank You”

Did you enjoy? Feel free to pop back to my Place and take a look around.

The Deal of Selina 

It was inevitable that I would have sex with Keith.

Firstly, ever since bumping into me, he had shown the requisite interest which, in recent times, had been enough to allow any man between my legs.

Secondly, following my failed encounter with the young guy in the toilet cubicle I had felt that burning compulsion to have sex.  I needed it. Not for any pleasure but to restore the numbness before those dark storm clouds once again consumed me.

Such was this need I did not care that Keith was twice my age. It had gotten to the stage in the frenzied feeding of my compulsion that I was willing to not be that picky.

Not that there was much wrong with Keith.  The grey flecks in his hair gave him that distinguished look and whilst time was starting to show on his lined face he was clearly quite handsome. I just hoped his cock worked. I had given a clear indication at least 30 minutes beforehand that we would be having sex in case he needed to go take a little blue pill.

By the end of the night I was inside his luxurious flat and he was inside me. It was a passionate encounter with Keith a mixture of enthusiasm and hesitancy. It was as if one part of his brain refused to accept that he was having sex with a much younger pretty girl. The other half seemed to be unsure whether he should be doing anything different.

Whether chemically induced or not he was hard and for my part I had just wanted him deep inside me. The dark clouds had been forming in my mind and I was in no mood to experience any of the malevolent shame they intended to strike down upon me.

Keith’s stamina surprised me. Perhaps unfairly I had assumed that it would be over in a matter of minutes or that he might just keel over. There was one moment when I looked at his face which was red, glistening with sweat, all contorted in the weirdest expression, I actually thought Keith might be having a heart attack. Turned out I was witnessing his orgasm face.  A furious combination of thrusts that defied his age followed then a satisfied moan before rolling off, all sweating and panting.

Normally, as soon as it was over I would be on my feet getting dressed and making a hasty exit. I continued to be haunted by this image, that had invaded my dreams, of a dark figure. He signified my final liaison. Therefore I tended not to stick around the guy’s house, just in case he was a psychopath.

However with Keith something felt different. The storm clouds had gone. Usually there would be some remnant of the dark swirl but instead I felt normal. I felt drunk… . I felt Keith’s arm slide across as me as he snuggled up.

Woatheretiger. Selinadoesn‘t cuddle. 

But I did not protest I just allowed my heavy eyes to close as I fell into a gentle slumber.

I awoke the next morning alone in the bed. My head hurt but it was a pain I welcomed. It was not caused by the ravages of the darkness but by the vast quantities of alcohol I had consumed the night before. I had a hangover.  Whilst it made every movement hurt I much preferred this to the numbness I had become accustomed to.

“I’m Alive!” I said internally before taking four attempts to actually get out of the bed.

I stood naked in some stranger’s bedroom and it was a dilemma I had not experienced in a while. Do I put on last night’s clothes? I picked them up from the floor, which took longer than it should have; every time I bent down the floor seemed to sink further away from me.

When I finally retrieved my clothes they smelt of last night – alcohol, cigarettes, sex. The accumulated scent made me feel nauseous. I was of course fully prepared to take the walk of shame home in yesterday’s outfit but another drawback of the hangover was my throat felt dry and I could certainly do with a coffee. I had no idea where my aging lover was. I didn’t really know where I was.

I spied on a chair a neatly pressed shirt which, along with my panties, I slipped on. This certainly should give him no funny ideas. When I finally reached the kitchen, Keith was at the stove cooking up some scrambled eggs. He had the air of a fifty year old that had just spent the night fucking someone younger. He was humming away to some awful jazz tune as he spied me;

“Ahh Selina. Good Morning to you” he exclaimed, stuttering a little as he noted what I was wearing.

He gestured to a round table for me to sit where he brought me some orange juice and the nectar of the Gods….. a coffee.

“I am making some scrambled eggs if you fancy some or there are some croissants on the table” he spoke in a posh accent, a hint of nervousness underlined each word.  He was like one of those kind yet bumbling British characters that Colin Firth always seems to play.

Keeping eye contact with him I grabbed a croissant and bit off the end, chewing suspiciously like I was some feral girl who had spent my life in some woods being raised by wolves. Keith would be the kindly gentleman who would teach me the ways of the human folk.  Alternatively, he could be the evil hunter intent of having me mounted on his wall as a prized catch. I opted for the former because Colin Firth only plays good guys, doesn’t he?

He joined me at the table with a steaming pile of scrambled eggs which he lavishly spread on my plate. Sitting down opposite  he flicked through the newspaper while still humming that incessant jazz tune.  I ate in silence. He didn’t look at me, just read his paper pausing only to take a bite of his breakfast.  He managed to do this all without breaking tune.

“Selina I’m thinking of taking a drive in the countryside this afternoon” he said suddenly without looking up from the paper “I wondered if you care to join me?..  There’s a lovely pub there who do a wonderful Ploughman’s lunch.”

He looked up at me for my answer just at the point I was devouring a massive spoonful of scrambled eggs.

Whydoguysalwayswanttoaskmequestionswhenmymouthisfull?!

I nodded my agreement. I maybe should have given it some more thought but I wanted Keith to return to his paper before egg spilled out of my mouth.

“Delightful” he said looking back down at his newspaper “Of course we will swing  round yours so you can change.”

The drive to the pub was silent, well apart from Keith humming away to jazz music. I was preoccupied with a thought;

I have just agreed to get in a car with a complete stranger and drive through woodland to the middle of nowhere.

Despite the fact I may have voluntarily consented to my demise I actually felt calm. There was something wonderfully disarming about Keith. His bumbling British manner put me at ease and I felt he was more Kind Keith than Killer Keith.

At the pub he generously bought me lunch and despite the remnants of my hangover still lingering I washed it down with several beers.   Keith was more than happy to tell me about his life.  He was a Partner in a big city law firm. I would tell you more about that but I kind of switched off whilst he was telling me….. something something corporate something.

He was presently going through a divorce and he had a daughter the same age as me; we both looked awkwardly away when he revealed that fun fact.  He asked me about myself and I was cagey at first to reveal too much but such was his innocent charm I found I told him more than I had intended.

I was going to end the brief summary of my life with the fact that I really hate being bludgeoned to death in the middle of a woods. You know, just in case. Yet I felt totally safe with Keith the only unease that was building was that it felt like a date. Was I dating a fifty year old? Did he think it was a date?

It was around this point that he finally raised our sexual antics from the previous night.

“Selina I must say last night was amazing” he begun “I know it would be foolish of me to believe you would want to do it again…Would you?”

He paused looking at me for some response but I was eating a chocolate cheesecake.

Again with answering questions whilst my mouth is full!

Still devouring the cheesecake and unable to respond I just smiled, Keith took the opportunity to continue.

“Well anyway at least that’s something I can cross off my list”

I gulped down the mouthful of dessert and replied “You have a list?”

“Oh yes” he said rather boldly “A bucket list. Do you not have one?”

I giggled whilst picking at the remnants of chocolate on my plate “No. Anyway I thought they were just about skydiving and visiting pyramids.”

A bashful smile spread across his face as he responded “Well mine was like that,  but there were a few.. carnal things I put on there.”

“A few?” I said raising an eyebrow “Like what?”

“Well… erm..” he bumbled “I can show you the list.. If you like?”

He picked up his phone and after a few taps on his screen he slid it towards me. I looked down to see all neatly presented Keith’s Bucket List.

I scanned through the dull ones like motor car racing until I got to the juicy portion.  I looked up at Keith who stared at me nervously as I flicked through the list.

“Done… Done… Not done..” I said as I scrolled through  “Don’t know what that is…. and you shouldn’t even be thinking that one let alone writing it down you dirty bastard.’

I looked up at Keith who had the expression of a school kid who was agonisingly waiting for his Teacher to mark his homework.

He gave a nervous smile and said “So? What do you think?”

I was unsure how to respond, unclear if he expected me to give feedback on each individual one.

“Yeh, they’re cool.” I answered nonchalantly “Although number 12… Wrong.. Just wrong.”

Keith let out a nervous laugh and replied “Well at least thanks to you I can cross one off the list.”

“I didn’t see one that said fuck a girl half your age.” I retorted.

More nervous laughter from Keith as he replied “No but a one night stand was.” He took a sip from his glass of red wine before continuing “I’d like to do a few more on that list …..with you”

I was rather taken back by his sudden boldness. I  had endured what seemed a lifetime of bumbling and indecision before he ordered his lunch, which turned out to be exactly what he always ordered,  yet here he was making a very direct request.

It was this directness  which caught me a little off guard. I had expected him to try and have sex with me again, I would have been offended if he hadn’t. Yet I was at a loss on how to respond and just raised an eyebrow.

Concerned he may have offended me Keith returned to his more familiar bumbling nature.

“I mean you of course do not have to. It wouldn’t just be sex.. I’d buy you things.. You know.. Treat you.”

“I’m not a whore Keith” I replied, a mischievous half-smile on my face.

“No.. No.. You most certainly are not.. What I mean is we can go out” he said, floundering for the right words “You know, like dinner or a show and if you fancied doing something off the list then…. we can”

Before I could respond he added “But only if you want to.. No pressure.” For good measure he concluded with “And you wouldn’t be a whore.”

I smiled and contemplated his offer. I had no idea why but being in Keith’s presence made the storm clouds stay away.  Maybe I could do with a holiday from the numbness. It had been a bad year and I was clinging on by a thread. Perhaps indulging in Keith’s list of lust would help me hold on that little bit longer.

I had no intention of ‘dating’ Keith and would have to be careful not to let him become too attached. It would be good for both of us. I can step out of the darkness for a short while and Keith… well he gets his naughty fantasies fulfilled.

Isn’t that how it all began? This desire to please others, to make their fantasies come true. Selina The Fantasy Giver – that’s what I used to call myself but recently it had just been Lina.  She had been thriving in the darkness and what it compelled me to do. I concluded there was nothing wrong with the offer Keith had presented me with.

“Okay.” I said “I’m up for that.”

His face lit up not quite sure if I had agreed to his proposal. “Really?” he exclaimed “Well now that is rather pleasant.”

“But not number twelve.” I pointed out.

“No. Well we can discuss the ones you are happy to do.” He replied.

I smiled and went back to finishing the last of my cheesecake, glancing over at Keith who had the expression of a child who had just been told he can have all the toys in the shop.

For my part I felt happy. Not that giddy happiness someone may have when first embarking on a relationship. It wasn’t going to be like that. It was most certainly not a relationship.

It just felt good to be the Fantasy Giver again and this time I knew exactly what I was letting myself in for. Here it was before me in Times New Roman font, all nicely underlined and arranged.  There could be no misunderstandings. No mistakes. Plus by the sounds of it I was going to get well fed for my effort.

It was a good deal and you only make good deals with good people.

I mean who else is there to make a deal with?

With the deal done, will Keith be my saviour? Find out here

The Descent Of Selina 

“Hello, is there anybody in there?”

I let out a muffled giggle at the desperate pleas from whoever it was that wanted to use the toilet for its actual intended use.

Inside was myself and some guy, my lips round his hard cock. His arousal clearly  increased by the various partygoers that went to and fro out of the toilet.

He put his fingers up to his lips before throwing his head back as I purposely sucked him harder, trying to make him moan loud so he could be heard by those outside.

I didn’t know, or more to the point didn’t care what his name was. We had met only a short time beforehand at the bar. One drink later and we were in the cubicle with my mouth round his penis.

That’s how it was now. That’s how it had been since the revelation of the sex tape being posted online.

I had grown to like the numbness that had washed over me. At first I had been frightened by it but whenever I tried to fight it my brain would give me a preview of what shameful pain I would have to endure if I wasn’t numb.

I therefore embraced it but it came at a price. I simply did not care. I had lost interest in everything, whether it be my friends, family, work.  I just went through the motions and even struggled with that. When people were talking to me their words would be lost in the fog of my mind. All I did was react to the expressions or during awkward pauses just smiled and nod.

It had become impossible for me to engage fully in conversations. I was spending enough energy just to keep the darkness that swirled in my mind from consuming me fully.  When I let my guard down the numbness would be overtaken by the storm clouds of shame that gleefully welcomed the opportunity to roar inside my head once more.

I tried to counter the storm, firstly with alcohol but any moments of peace that brought were quickly interrupted by the inescapable feeling of shame. If I tried to drink more, rather than quell these feelings it exacerbated them, increasing the ferocity of the roar of the angry clouds.

With an inebriated mind coupled with the paralysis of shame any chance of rational thought had gone. Whenever I was in a bar and some guy would try hitting on me the storm clouds would rush to my ear and whisper reminders of what a slut I really was.

So I begun to have a lot of sexual liaisons. A lot. If a guy showed me the slightest bit of attention there was a very good chance I would perform some act of sexual gratification for him. I never experienced true sexual pleasure from what I was doing, instead it provided me with something more important it restored the numbness.

Whether it would be on my knees with a guy in my mouth or have them banging away behind me the storm clouds would slowly dissipate. I never truly orgasmed but in its place was a greater release,  numbness would spread through my body, coating my mind in a protective layer.

Whenever I sensed it would be wearing off, that the storm clouds would be seeping through the cracks on its journey to occupy my thoughts, I would seek out a new sexual partner and become numb again.

These men became  like a drug to me and performing those acts upon them was a compulsion. In rare moments of clarity, when the numbness was gone but the storm clouds had yet to appear, I knew I was broken. I knew I was damaged.

However before I could make that desperate cry for help I would be once more consumed with the storm, the darkness silencing my pleas. All I could do was seek out the only route to that now blissful feeling of nothingness.

I was alone. By this time I had virtually pushed away anyone who cared about me, opting instead for this solo life of seedy liaisons with complete strangers.

If my friends asked if I was okay I would shut the conversation down with some bullshit about work being stressful before promptly leaving to seek out another sexual partner.

The guys who were the recipients of my compulsion did not care. They never looked me properly in the eyes otherwise they would have seen my vacant expression as if I had eyes painted on like a toy. After all that was all I was to them – a toy.

TheHornyLinaActionDollnowwitheasieropeninglegs.

I had been once new, mint in the box but now I was being used by whoever and then passed on to the next excitable owner. Some knew how to treat such a precious item and would be tender others had no such care and was only interested in the durability of their new plaything.

This toy came with different settings – Slutty or Kinky – just flip the switch to the mode you want. Some guys would forget to switch me off ‘Demo’ and excited by what this toy could do would be unable to try out the other modes.

There was another setting, although it was never used – Normal. No guy ever seemed interested in using that one. Deep down, past the numbness and through the swirling storm clouds, I so desperately wanted someone to switch me to Normal.

The darkness had also begun to invade my dreams.  Those moments of blissful slumber used to be my solitude; the previously translucent room in my mind was now awash with blackness as if someone had taken a pot of paint and thrown it everywhere. Thick globs of darkness slid down the once brilliant walls. Out of this black sludge arms would suddenly come stretching out, grabbing, clawing, tearing at my clothes as I tried desperately to escape this once tranquil palace.

Bruised and cut I would fall to my knees and in the darkness that suffocated me I would see Him. He hovered above, this cruel faceless behemoth.  I knew only this of Him – he would be my destruction, my one final liaison that I never truly returned from.

He stalked over me, teasing his potential arrival into my real life. Brushing a dark, bony finger over my face, his skin feeling clammy against mine. Then he is gone and I am left alone in the darkness of my mind. I put my hand up to where he touched and I can feel the cold, stinging wetness of where he cut me. A reminder of what awaits down this path.

A path in which there was no light at the end. The only way forward is through the hands that reach out and grope me.  Are they trying to hold me back from meeting the lustful leviathan that waits at the end? Or do they all want a piece of me before He finishes me off?

“Can you stand up?”

I looked up and saw the guy I had only moments ago had in my mouth offering me his hand.  He was not looking at me, rather  the mess he had left on the floor of the cubicle.

“Sorry” he mumbled “I guess I got a little too excited”
I had not intended to simply suck someone off in a cubicle. I should have been welcoming every hard thrust from behind me, grateful that the storm clouds were vanishing.

Instead I was left unsatisfied and the storm mocked my failure. Without saying a word I left the cubicle. I could barely hear the guy mumbling about trying again in a few minutes.

I knew I would have to find someone else but I hated this desperate urge to have sex. It made me more irrational, more likely to take risks and made the possibility of finding Him to become more real.

Perhaps the quick blowjob had at least allowed some light to shine through the storm. A brief notion that I may find that person who would switch me back to Normal briefly occupied my thoughts.  No sooner I had I thought it I was dismissing the idea as foolish. No guy had ever switched me to that setting.

Maybe I am being unfair. Maybe some of the guys I had slept with had tried.  Perhaps it was I who wanted to stay on that path through the darkness, to continue my descent until I met Him. I desired to put a face to the phantom, to introduce myself to the nameless, to submit myself to the ultimate feeling of nothingness. Maybe it was about time I shook hands with the Devil.

“Oh I’m dreadfully sorry”

I had been so preoccupied that I had not immediately noticed someone bumping into me. Some of their drink spilt on my dress mixing with some of the other, more questionable stains.

The owner of the drink was quick to offer his apologies.

“Sorry…. Please let me get you something to dry yourself and I must insist on buying you a drink” he said.

I followed him to the bar and he turned to me, extending his hand “I’m Keith by the way”.

“Lina” I replied

Introduction made.

Following the descent it’s time to meet Keith

The Shaming Of Selina 

It was inevitable that following my experience with the escort that my relationship with Steven would end.

Firstly, as my mind drifted (often closely followed by my fingers) to that night, the perfection of my first time with a woman was ruined by repeatedly seeing his gormless face barking instructions.

Secondly, he had of course fucked the escort which slightly pissed me off.  Maybe it was part of the plan but he had failed to communicate that important detail to me.

Perhaps I had let him down by having such a mind blowing orgasm that I  was useless to anyone for the rest of the night. Maybe he had intended to show me how much he appreciated the show and just opted for the only other option available. Whatever the reason he was still a dick for doing it.

Thirdly, I was learning more about my alter-ego Horny Lina. She got bored and was tiring of Steven. Lina was certainly not the type to settle down and was itching to move on.

Any of these reasons alone would have been enough for me to walk away but if there was any shred of possibility that we could make this work, put the past behind us and start again, well that vanished when I received a text message.

I did not instantly recognise the number and had to scroll through the other previously unread messages before I knew who it was from.

The earlier ones started off fine with the usual ‘Hello? ‘, ‘How are you? ‘ and ‘Can we meet again?’ However, my lack of response prompted more suggestive messages of masturbation and what he wanted to do with me, told in very explicit detail….with emojis.

The frustration in the sender was obvious. Perhaps it was this which  led him to do what he did. I stared at my phone in disbelief as I read;

I’ve made you a pornstar

This was followed by a link which out of curiosity I instinctively clicked. It could have been a virus that would infect and take over control of my phone. However as it turned out it would infect and take over control of me.

The link opened up a porn website and there on screen was someone I recognised instantly. I had almost forgotten that a video of me performing sex with a guy existed, but here the stark reminder vividly came to life on my phone.

Every bob of the head as I went down on this anonymous cock, every rotation of my hips as I rode him to orgasm was now available for all to see.

I felt sick. My body was shaking as my brain tried to process what was happening. My initial reaction was to turn off my phone as if in some way that would erase the video from existence.  That’s how the Internet works, right?

I slumped to the floor and switched my phone on again, my finger trembling over the power button. I anxiously waited for the screen to reboot, praying to whatever Gods who cared to listen that this had just been a trick of the mind. This could not be happening, someone hadn’t uploaded to the world a video of me having sex.

When my phone had fully powered up I hesitantly returned to my messages.

Pleasedontbethere. Pleasedontbethere.

My heart sunk into my stomach causing a convulsion of pain as I saw staring back at me the link to the video.  Then I saw another link and with the expectation of a boxer who is just about to be hit by a blistering right hook I clicked on it.

I was taken to the ‘Pictures’ section of the site where in all its candid glory was me in a variety of compromising poses. Strangely, it was not those which caused me the most concern, my face was mostly obscured and I doubted even my most intimate lover would know they were my tits.

It was the normal clothed headshot that caused me to let out a primal roar that echoed through my flat.  There I was… Me… If there could be any doubt whose tits and pussy they were well look at the stupid smiling blonde to your left.

Not quite finished with my self-flagellation I clicked back onto the link to the video to once again witness my gyrating buttocks under the heading ‘BritishBlondeAmateur‘.

I had no further interest in watching me bounce up and down on a cock.  My attention was drawn to the comments. The video had been online for a week and had received thousands of views already.

I scrolled  down to the comments section;

Idfuckthatbitch

She rides cock like a pro

Man I’ve just cum hard watching that

Who is this whore?

The revelation of the sex tape had  caused an immediate sense of anger.  I wanted to kill him. I wanted to rip off his cock and shove it down his throat till he choked.  But as I read each crass remark about me, I felt another feeling, one that darkened my mind like a storm cloud would the sun.

I felt shame. I felt disgust.

I was no longer angry with this guy but with myself for being so stupid. Heavy dark clouds swirled through my mind, little jolts of lightening struck emphasising the shame.  I began to cry.

Consumed by a sense of self-loathing, my mind torturing me with images of my friends, my colleagues, my family finding out about this sex tape.

What would the girls say? Pru would lecture me, Mel would want to watch it and provide the DVD commentary and Pixie?… She’d be so disappointed in me. I could just picture her face as she removes me from the pedestal in her mind.

What about work? Well to confront me meant they would have to admit looking at porn and this brought a minor piece of comfort.  I could rest easy that it would not be raised in a Team Meeting.

Andnextontheagenda, Selinaswrithingbuttocks..Wouldyouliketotalkusthroughthispresentation?’

However I knew many at work who would gleefully share the video around. What about my neighbours? My brothers?…. Oh God what if my Dad foundout.

That final thought, that final devastating  bolt from the storm clouds had me rushing for the bathroom to throw up.

Bent over  I splashed water on my face, breathing heavily, occasionally spitting out moments of disgust into the sink.

The storm clouds, satisfied that they had brought about enough misery for now, began to fade but bright blue sky did not follow. Instead,  left in their wake was something more sinister, something I always feared more than anything.

Nothingness. I felt nothing. I was numb.

Feelings of pain or anger awaken you, provoke you into doing something about your situation. However, numbness doesn’t, it leaves you not caring about what has and could still happen. A perpetual paralysis of indifference.

I lifted my head and stared into the mirror. My reflection scowled back at me as if to say ‘What you staring at bitch? ‘

One hour later I was in someone else’s flat, naked with him about to enter me.

Lewis had been surprised to receive a call from me. I had not really spoken to him since that night we had sex up against the side of the pub. I had no idea why I had chosen him, I wasn’t thinking… Rational thoughts and feelings had been swept away in the chaos of the raging storm.

No sooner had he opened the door I was kissing him hard, my hand already rubbing at his groin.

“Fuck me” I said breathlessly and shut down any protest by slipping my tongue inside his mouth and gripping him through his trousers.

Within moments I was laying on my back naked as a confused but very erect Lewis slid himself inside me.

He was gentle, rotating his hips, not pushing his cock all the way inside, unsure what to do with this crazy girl who had arrived at his door demanding sex.

I wrapped my legs around him, hooking my feet over each other and pulling him deeper into me. My hands curled round to the back of his head, with my mouth by his ear I whispered “Fuck me”.

My legs tightened round him, my hands moving from his head to his shoulder blades, digging nails into his hot flesh causing Lewis to let out a grunt.

“Harder” I moaned in his ear.

With my legs hooked firmly round him, he duly obliged and with every short, hard thrust the comments echoed round my mind.

Idfuckthatbitch

“Harder” I moaned.

Lewis increased the ferocity emphasising each powerful entry inside me with a low grunt.

Whatawhore

“Harder”

My nails dug deeper into his flesh, breaking the skin. He let out a yelp of pain and I could see from his eyes I had hurt him. His thrusts were now more aggressive, he was a nice guy but in that moment he wanted to reciprocate the pain.

That’s it Lewis fuck me hard. Don’t worry you can’t hurt me. I don’t feel anything anymore.

Suchadirtyslut

Harder”

Those short grunts had now elongated to one long roar of passion and with fury he pounded away inside me. This is not how he wanted to have sex with me, he wanted it to be loving, gentle, sensual. I didn’t.

I welcomed every entry inside me, not for pleasure. I did not deserve pleasure.  No, it served a greater purpose, it momentarily silenced the comments in my head as if the force of Lewis’ cock jolted them out of my mind.

Idfuckthatass

“Harder”

Imgonnacumoverthisbitch

“Harder”

Shitshemakesme erect 

“Harder”

Lewis buried his head into my shoulder, his cock moving in and out of me with such speed, such power.  It was clear he would not be able to keep up this intensity.   He signalled the end with a few hard, powerful thrusts inside. It was exactly what I deserved.

Ivejustshotmyloadoverthisbitch

Ohfuckyehshesgood

His buttocks convulsed as he emptied his load, then he rolled over exhausted and confused. I sat up and looked over at Lewis who lay staring at the ceiling, breathing deeply.

I stood and padded naked to the bathroom. Inside I splashed water on my face. The comments were already returning, swirling through my mind. Scores of anonymous people all talking about me at once, only being able to make out certain words.

Slut

Whore

Bitch

I stared into the mirror, that scowling soulless reflection looking straight back at me as the faceless comments once again raged inside my head, this time with shameful clarity.

Whatawhore

Dirty slut

Hornybitch

Filthy cock lover

I stared intently at person in the mirror, her top lip furled at the corner. Then I closed my eyes and breathed allowing the numbness to spread over me.

The comments disappeared, fading into the distance as I opened my eyes  one final comment floated through my mind as it fluttered into silence;

Whoisthisgirl?

I smiled, yet it was not an expression of happiness.

Yeh Selina, who the fuck are you?

Next up a Descent into the dark.

The Courtship Of Selina 

I needed a boyfriend.

It had nothing to do with sex but more to do with my perfect plan for the perfect life.

In a short time I had obtained a good job, place of my own and a loyal group of friends. All that was needed was a boyfriend to complete the set.

To Sensible Selina it made sense – the perfect boyfriend to live with her in the perfect house, to be there when she comes home from her perfect job. They would get engaged and have the perfect wedding and eventually raise a family of perfect children.

It would be, well, perfect.

It was everything I had imagined since I first stepped foot in school and realised this was the life I wanted to live.

I never really had a boyfriend before, perhaps the closest was Daniel,  the artist from university. However, that always had a feeling of being temporary but I now wanted something more permanent.

I was on the hunt.

It wasn’t Horny Lina on the hunt, she just wants to find someone she can devour to satisfy her burning hunger. No, I – Sensible Selina – would be doing the hunting.

There was a slight problem in that I’d never actually tried to find a boyfriend before. Either I had no interest in this pursuit or I would simply unleash Horny Lina.

I didn’t want to use Lina to find a boyfriend. It’s true that her scent could lure the guys to me but it was questionable whether those caught in the snare would be boyfriend material.

The guys Horny Lina attracted normally did not stick around once they got what they wanted. Those who did return had a high expectation of the level of sexual gratification they would receive. That was not how I would wish my relationship to begin or indeed continue.

I desired that normal relationship that other people seemed to have. Of course  I wanted the physical side to be good. I wanted it to be passionate but, dare I say it, I wanted it to be loving.

I wanted him to look into my eyes when he enters me, kiss me on the lips and tell me he loves me before confirming this statement with his physical actions.

All I had really experienced previously was a quick peck on the cheek and maybe a considerate tap on the head to indicate completion was imminent.  There were no soft whispers of love just an encouraging slap on the arse followed by a self-congratulatory ‘Yes’.

My role as The Fantasy Giver was never intended to be permanent and indeed it had not brought me to the earth shattering orgasm I had hoped for. No, I needed to feel that connection; that the guy wanted to be with me because he loved me. You know, all that soppy, romantic shit.

So with Horny Lina firmly in her cage I set about my new quest with very little clue as to what I was doing. Fortunately, I did not have to look far because he came to me in the shape of a banker named Steven.

He was good friends with Pru’s boyfriend and had joined us on a few nights out. Initially, he did not show much interest in me nor I with him. But soon we begun to talk and I could see his potential as my perfect Prince.

He was certainly handsome enough; sparkling blue eyes, firm jaw line, blonde hair and muscular physique. He was also very charming if not somewhat nervous when talking to me.

I did not mind his nervousness because I had no idea what I was doing. If I had wanted a quick fling he would have been between my legs weeks before but I held back believing that’s what normal people did, right?

Our relationship slowly progressed and soon we were seeing each other away from our friends; dinner, theatre, exhibitions – the whole dating experience. He would hold my hand during walks in the park and not once did he suggest we nip round the back of a tree for a quickie – The perfect gentleman.

Eventually we had sex. The first time was not the magical experience I had expected. I was probably to blame in some way as I my inner struggle to keep Horny Lina under control gave off mixed signals.

It was to be honest  dull, boring, average sex. Not much in the way of foreplay, a bit of heavy kissing, a quick fumble and he was inside me.  His movement was erratic, torn between a sensitive lover or frenetic fucker resulting in him hesitantly juddering and thrusting inside like a car stalling up hill.

It probably did not help that I just lay there,  the internal confusion raging inside me; Horny Lina rattling the cage to come out and play.

Why was I so scared to let her out? Because she wouldn’t be staying; once I settle down this side of me would be gone and as I lay there I chose not to introduce him to Horny Lina.  If he never meets her he will never miss her.

When he came there was no wondrous climax for either of us. Just a few heavy pants but I did notice something in his eyes, although not totally formed yet,  I saw a look of love. Then taking me totally by surprise he leaned in to kiss me.

He kissed me…. after sex 

No-one had ever kissed me after sex; whether that is because they knew where my mouth had been I don’t couldn’t be sure.  He rolled off me and held me in his arms. This was all new to me, normally the guy rolls off and starts ordering me a taxi. Maybe I was on to something here. I closed my eyes and snuggled into him. I was content, I was in love.

This feeling stayed with me for sometime but slowly cracks begun to appear in our relationship. We still enjoyed our time together but it was the sex that was becoming the problem.

By this time I was staying often at his flat; he would rarely stay at mine which suited me because it meant I did not need to tidy it up.

Even though I would sleep at his we would not always have sex and when we did his body language seemed to suggest he was doing it more out of necessity than want.

I begun to suspect he was releasing his sexual urges watching porn before he climbs into bed with his pretty but ultimately unsatisfying lover.

Sometimes he would act like he did not want me to stay as if I was disturbing a planned jerk off session. I knew what would come next – he would find someone else.  I was losing him. My perfect Prince was tiring of me.

Whether it be pride or arrogance or both I was not going to lose a guy because he thought I was shit in bed. I knew what I was capable of doing and I was going to show him.

StevenyouareabouttomeetHornyLina.

We had been to a charity event hosted by his work – all ballgowns and tuxedos. Steven spent most of the time with his male colleagues, talking and laughing. Everything had to be a pissing contest – how much money they made, who is better at sports and who has the best partner to fuck; Steven went particularly quiet at that point.

I was left with the various wives and girlfriends to chat about things I really had no interest in. I would simply drink and nod, throwing in the occasional ‘absolutely’ for good measure.

During the taxi ride home Steven was already making his excuses as to why we would not be having sex tonight – he was tired, had a lot to drink, early start tomorrow but I paid as much attention to him as I did the women he had left me with. Horny Lina wanted to play and there would be nothing to discuss.

We arrived back at his flat and due to the lateness of the hour went straight to his bedroom and begun to undress. Steven helped unzip the back of my full length sparkling dress I was wearing. It fell to the floor revealing my lacy black underwear and thigh high stockings. I had felt that such a pretty dress deserved equally pretty underwear.

Perhaps I had hoped that the sight of me in that lingerie would have been enough to cause arousal in Steven but he seemed more interested in removing his cufflinks. Had it already got that bad that even seeing me in stockings was not enough to find me desirable? Or was he telling the truth that alcohol and tiredness meant that any sexual contact would be impossible? I was about to find out.

Still wearing my heels I walked over to Steven who was undoing his bow tie. Without saying a word I kissed him, my hand curling round to the back of his head pulling him into me.

“Selina it’s getting late” he protested but I ignored what he said and continued to kiss him. My hand ran slowly down his chest till I was by his groin. I was wasting no time. He instinctively grabbed my hand mumbling some exclamation of protest.

I flicked his hand away and begun to massage his groin. I did not care for any protests, his growing arousal told me what I needed to know. I unbuckled his belt and pulled it from around his waist. My fingers worked at removing his trousers while I continued to kiss him.

Unbuttoned,  I tugged at his trousers which fell to the floor. He was wearing boxer shorts and his cock was already proudly peeking out. I rolled my fingers round his shaft and slowly begun to stroke him.

He threw his head back and let out a deep moan as I kissed his neck. I quickened my strokes and Steven breathed harder. He shot his hand down to my busy hand, holding it still.

“Stop” he moaned.

This was not a protest said because he was not enjoying himself. On the contrary he was enjoying it too much. A few further strokes would have seen him end the night over my luxuriously expensive stockings.

He took hold of me and moved towards the bed. His intention was clear, he was aroused and wanted to be inside me. Perhaps I had done enough and should let him finish off with him on top of me. Any concerns of a less than satisfying sex life allayed after a quick handjob and fuck.

However, Horny Lina was fully out of her cage now and she was not finished. I put my fingers up to his lips and whispered for him to get on the bed. He duly obliged, removing his boxer shorts in the process.

I joined him on the bed, straddling him as I resumed our kissing. I rocked gently over his cock, my covered pussy rubbing up against his cock.

Sitting up he reached towards my breasts and started to massage them. With his arms fully outstretched I took the belt and wrapped it tightly round his wrist, hooking him on to the bed post.

“Selina what are you doing?” he asked.

I gave him a smile and stood up. Unhooking my bra I playfully threw it at him whilst letting out a little giggle. I kicked off my heels and stood over my boyfriend, admiring his toned physique and presently throbbing cock.

Standing in between his legs I ran a stockinged foot over his balls and up his shaft which prompted a moan of pleasure from him. I continued to explore the thickness of his cock with my toe until I sensed he was about to cum.  I slid my foot over his belly, up his chest and into his mouth to be welcomed by some enthusiastic sucking.

Removing my toe from his mouth I slowly slid my panties off and moved up the bed so I was standing over his head. I slipped my fingers into my wetness as Steven watched intently. He had never seen my like this.

Previously all he had known was a timid girl that would just lie there while he would just bang away clearly retreating inside his head to make it as sexy as he could for himself.  But that same timid girl now stood over him, sliding her fingers deep inside herself and letting him taste the consequence of her exploration.

I had begun to get used to the confusion on men’s faces as they meet Horny Lina; my body language changed, my facial expressions were different. Indeed, Steven could be forgiven for thinking that he had brought a different girl home. I swear at one point he moved his head to the side to double check it was still me.

Sorry Selina that I left you at the party… The funniest thing just happened 

I turned around and slowly lowered myself onto his face, grinding my now sopping  wet pussy onto him. Steven graciously flicked his tongue out to welcome my advance.

Flopping  forward I ran my tongue along the shaft of his cock which twitched with excitement. I took him in my mouth and Steven showed his appreciation by going deeper with his tongue.

I could hear him moan into my luscious hole as I sucked him harder. His legs began to shake and I could sense his orgasm was imminent. He was certainly very excitable. It was liking handling a bomb, liable to explode at any moment.

I relinquished him from my mouth and watched his hard cock slap back down. I rocked back onto his busy tongue whilst staring at his glistening manhood that twitched, precum oozing from his slit.

Moving off his mouth I heard Steven take in a satisfying breath of air. Reaching over and grabbing his ankles I hovered over his cock. It pulsated so much I was concerned that when I took him between my fingers he might explode. I guided him into my warm, wet hole and slowly begun to rock back and forth on his hardness.

Steven was moaning, letting out small yelps of excitement. I had never rode him like this and by the way he moaned it seemed this was going to be a short ride.

I sped up, slamming down on his cock. He was so hard, more aroused than I had ever felt him. I saw his toe curls and his legs tense and a cry of satisfaction coincided with his orgasm.

Spinning back round I released Steven from his makeshift binds. Resting my head on his chest I listened as his breathing settled.

It was perfect and I knew that any concerns Steven may have had vanished the moment he had cum. He was happy. I was happy.

Back in your cage Horny Lina. 

“Wow Selina that was…. Fantastic” Steven said, still breathless.

I should have just kissed him and rolled over to sleep, leaving him to reflect on what had just happened. But I didn’t. Circling my fingers around his broad chest I spoke

“You like that hun?”

“That was… amazing” he replied, still breathless.

That’s it Selina you’ve got your compliment, go to sleep now.

“I want to make you happy” I continued “You know that, right?”

He kissed me on the forehead “You do make me happy”

And there’s the reassurance – sleep now.

“No I mean sexually. You know ..that kind of happy”

Steven ran his fingers through my hair “Well certainly I am happy there” he replied.

Okay night night Selina

“You.. um.. liked being tied to the bed” I said with a giggle.

He sat up, slightly embarrassed by my directness “Well yeh…” he stuttered “Never really had thought about it before”

You tied him up. He liked it. Sleep now

“But you’ve thought about other stuff?” I asked

“Well yeh but.. It’s getting late and..”

There you go. You’re tired. He is tired. Everyone sleep.

“Maybe you can tell me another time” I paused and rolled over in bed.

Yep, definitely a conversation for another day 

“Or you could show me.” I purred.

I closed my eyes but knew that Steven would not be sleeping just yet. I had given him something to think about.

My eyes begun to get heavy but just as I drifted off to sleep I thought I heard a noise. It might have been a cat knocking something over.

Or perhaps it was the sound of the door to Steven’s desires opening up and flooding his mind with potential delights.

Or it could have been Horny Lina slamming her cage door shut from the outside, excited that she will be required to stay that little bit longer.

You should have just gone to sleep, Selina. 

Next up….My Sexual Awakening

The Fellowship of Selina 

I was loving life and enjoying my independence. My job was going well and relished the freedom of having my own place.

There was just one thing missing in my presently great life – I had no friends.

I knew quite a lot of people but could not really call them friends. Growing up I was a bit of a loner, only because that’s how I preferred it to be. I had set myself the goal of passing my exams and did not want to be distracted by boys or the petty gossip of girls.

The same applied largely to university and in any event the emergence of Horny Lina meant that any boy I got close to I ended up sleeping with making any friendship thereafter impossible.  Girls seem to avoid me as if Horny Lina was warding them off like a barking dog at a junkyard.

Although I was not far from my Dad and my old life I felt lonely. Even Horny Lina’s antics could not stave off this feeling. I needed friends.

I opted not to simply walk around and ask whoever I saw if they would be my friend. That would likely attract the wrong sort of people. Despite my need to find a friend I was not desperate. I’ll just be a little more friendly.

It was at my local coffee shop one morning that I first saw her. The girl who would hereafter be affectionately known as my Pixie Princess.

My moniker for her came from the simple fact she looked like a pixie. She has ginger hair cut short with lighter streaks running through it. She is quite short and her perfect freckly face is finished off with the cutest button nose.

It was quite busy that morning and she sat at one of the benches reading a book and I sat in the seat next to her. I didn’t start a conversation with her immediately but observed this cute thing she did of putting her finger on the word she just read whilst taking a sip of her coffee. She looked over and saw me staring at her.

“Good book? ” I asked.

She instinctively turned to the cover and I saw a picture of a muscular barbarian next to a scantily clad maiden “Yeh not bad” she replied.

“You like those type of fantasy books?” I continued.

She nodded and asked what I like reading. I was tempted to show her my library of erotica on my phone but I felt this innocent young pixie may fall off her chair.

Instead I opened my bag and pulled out the latest Batman comic I had purchased.

“Oh that is so cool” she responded.

This seemed to break the ice. We discussed super heroes, the latest season of Game of Thrones and as the conversation progressed we became more comfortable with each other.

Soon, we were purposely looking out for each other and this progressed to whoever got there first would order each other’s coffee. She liked a toffee latte and mine was a flat white or as I like to call it a normal fucking coffee.

If it were my turn to get the coffee I would get the barista to write ‘Pixie’ on her cup although invariably it was always spelt ‘Pixy’ or once ‘Pixee’.

When it was her turn she would have ‘Bruce’ written on it or some other first name of a Batman character.

Before long we were meeting up at lunchtime and after work. This progressed to actually arranging to meet up at the weekend; I would take her to my local comic book store or a convention but normally we would end up at each other’s flat watching the latest shows on Netflix.

We became close friends and two others would subsequently be added.

Pru is a beautiful oriental lady. She knew Pixie from work but had subsequently left to set up a private practice as a Clinical Psychologist. She could be quite a serious lady and gave Sensible Selina a run for her money. We would tease her and the group would always try to get her to say something naughty or at least laugh at the bawdy jokes.

These jokes normally came from Melissa. She was a firecracker. A tall brunette with a dirty mind. Although I was closer to Pixie, Horny Lina liked Melissa. She didn’t see her as a threat more as a saucy ally. I always tried to keep Horny Lina bottled up but Melissa had the habit of bringing her to the surface.

Did Melissa sense some naughtiness in me? Did Horny Lina let off some scent that brought like minded people gravitating towards me?

I was closer to Pixie but Melissa would seek affirmation for her naughtiness, which I always gladly provided.

She’d play this game where she would look around the bar and pointing to a few guys ask ‘Fuck. Marry. Avoid’. Pru would refuse to play, Pixie would lower her head, tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and mumble that she was unsure. She’s so adorable.

I would end up responding ‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuck’ to the howls of approval from Melissa. This would often prompt a disapproving look from Pru and a nervous giggle from Pixie.

With demands at work and my new found social life there was little opportunity for Horny Lina to come out and play. But she wouldn’t stay caged for long.

If you feed the beast it becomes stronger and uncontrollable. If you starve the beast it becomes unpredictable.

One evening I saw that this guy was lurking around our table. He could have been after any one of us; perhaps he wasn’t fussy.

He approached me when I was ordering some drinks at the bar, reeling off the normal cheesy chat up lines. I just smiled and returned to the girls.

When it was time to leave I opted not to share a cab with anyone, stood outside the bar waving my friends goodbye. I then turned, walked back into the bar and towards the guy who had gravitated towards a different table of girls.

“You going to buy me that drink?” I asked.

Later that night we were both naked on his sofa. He was already aroused, his anticipation of what was to come clearly showing.

He was laying down on the sofa as I sat up my hand gently massaging his growing cock. I positioned myself between his legs and begun to take him in my mouth. As I did I noticed a bright light shining in my face.

“What you doing?” I asked, saliva dripping from mouth.

“Filming it” he replied

“Don’t” I responded but offered no further protest. I returned to sliding my lips down his cock. He moaned as I took his full length into my warm mouth; his cock liable to explode at any moment.

I stopped sucking and begun to climb on top of him. He wanted me to face the opposite way to him. In his mind he was clearly storyboarding how his horny production would go.

I spun round and teased his cock by running my pussy up and down the hard shaft that lay flat on his belly.

He grabbed my arse with one hand, the other desperately trying to hold his phone steady. He spread my cheeks and I leaned forward so he could get a better look as he exposed my pussy.

Smile for the camera! 

I reached down and took his cock, lowering myself upon it. Gripping his legs I began to bounce slowly up and down upon his thickness.

I couldn’t see him so did not know if he was watching the action unfold through the small screen of his phone. I bet he was one of these guys who go to a rock concert and watch the whole thing through his camera.

Put your phone down you’ll have a better experience.

I began to ride him a little harder, gripping onto his ankles as my pussy slammed down onto his hard cock.

I got the feeling from his moans that this ride wouldn’t take too long. Maybe he was just super horny. Maybe he didn’t have much battery left on his phone.

I quickened the pace, my grip on his ankles tightening. He was moaning hard and the sofa creaked in unison with my motion.

I’m good. I can make furniture moan! 

I could tell that his climax was imminent by his moans of pleasure and the fact his toes were curling. After a few further hard slams down upon him he came; the intensity causing him to drop his phone.

Bizarrely I agreed to exchange numbers with him and saw him around the bar. But there was to be no repeat performance.

I was never rude to him and would smile but I had no desire to make his sofa creak again.  It was a one-off show and anyway he had it on his phone for posterity.

I’m sure he understood. Just a quick passionate one nighter – nothing more. He seemed a reasonable guy. A reasonable guy with a video of me fucking him on his phone.

In the next part I introduce you to my first Boyfriend

The Homecoming of Selina

“Fuck me, what you done to your hair”

“Hi Dad” I smiled as he gave me one of his big bear hugs followed by a kiss on the head.

He took me by my shoulders and led me into the lounge “Here she is! Our clever girl” he said as I was greeted by some unenthusiastic cheers from my brothers.  Also present was my Uncle Joe and some bloke I had never seen before; there was always someone in our house that no-one seemed to want to claim ownership of!

“I haven’t got my results yet, Dad.  I may not have passed” I said, a little embarrassed by the attention.

“Rubbish! You’ve done well. You have the brains that they forgot to give to these numpties” he scoffed, gesturing to my brothers who were sitting on the sofa.

This prompted them to say ‘Hey clever girl get us a beer’ and ‘Hey Selina if you are so clever cook us some lunch’. Being the youngest I was always on the receiving end of their teasing. We would argue and fight; indeed to an outsider it would seem that we hated each other. The truth was we loved each other very much.

“What the fucking hell have you wankers done to my room” I screamed down the stairs.

“Oh yeh” said my older brother “Dad wanted to watch the snooker so we moved all the game consoles up to your room… It’s now a gaming room”

“Where the fuck is my stuff?”

“Calm down it is in a lock up. Go get it if you want” he replied with a smile.

But I never went and collected my stuff.  I knew my time back home would be brief. The plan I had set in motion did not include remaining in the East End. I felt a little bit ashamed when I thought like this; as if in some way I was betraying my roots by not wanting to be here anymore.

I feared that when I would come and visit my Dad people would say ‘Look there goes the girl who thought she was too good for us.” But it wasn’t like that and besides no-one would say that – East End people are good people.

I will always look back at my time there with pride. My Dad raised all of us on his own, he worked long hours  although  none of us are sure exactly what he did and perhaps it’s best not to know! He instilled in us a great worth ethic and encouraged all of us to better ourselves, to achieve our goals and dreams. Above all, he did this all with love – a lot of love.

My past is firmly in the East End of London but that is not where my future was to be. As my Dad confidently predicted I obtained my degree and with it a decent job quickly followed.  Within less than a year I was ready to leave home and start my new life.

Before I officially left I took one last walk along the streets where I had been raised. It was ridiculously over-sentimental as I was only moving to a different part of London and would be returning to visit my Dad regularly. It was more a symbolic stroll to signal I was moving on.

My walk took me to our local pub where numerous celebrations and commiserations had been toasted. It seemed fitting that I should pop in and have a final drink – until I’m back the following weekend!

When I walked in there were about fifteen or so people dotted about the place – guaranteed they all knew my Dad. I sat at the bar and ordered a wine.

“Hey Selina? Is that you?”

I turned to acknowledge the voice and saw Lewis. He was an attractive boy I had gone to school with.  He had light brown skin having been the perfect fusion of a beautiful African lady and a white gentleman.

We lived on the same street and therefore used to walk to school together. We would talk about the latest comics, video games or movies. He seemed impressed with my knowledge on these; aside from the fact they are not exclusive to just boys, living with three brothers it is unsurprising these would also become my main interests.

If Lewis had any romantic interest in me he never showed it; we never held hands and he was never my first kiss. There were two reasons for this, I was not really interested in boys at that age and in any event the Queen Bitch of the school, Lucy, had already got her claws into him.

As the self-proclaimed prettiest girl in the school she had secured herself the most handsome boy in the school who was Lewis.  Lucy surrounded herself with a group of like-minded bitches, always significantly less attractive than her. The group would engage in the normal bullying and humiliation of other pupils.

I kept myself to myself. I had no interest in playground politics. I just wanted to put my head down and get through school with qualifications. However, I had found myself on Lucy’s radar because of my friendship with Lewis.

She confronted me one day just as lunchtime was ending. As I made my way to my next class the group emerged and surrounded me.

“What you fucking doing with my boyfriend” said Lucy, angrily getting up into my face.

I ignored her and tried to walk on but she pulled me back by the shoulder.

“Don’t fucking ignore me you bitch” she screamed.

“We’re just friends Lucy” I said and went to walk away but two of the fatter girls in her group blocked my way.

“Get your own fucking boyfriend you whore” she responded before pushing me.

I ignored her once more trying again to walk away but they persisted. First it was the pushing, then they were spitting and then slapping me; punctuating each slap with the word ‘Slut’.

I did not want any trouble and once again tried to escape the spitting and slapping. One of the girls grabbed my backpack and handed it to Lucy who opened it up and spilled all the contents on the floor.

I got to my knees and begun to pick my stuff up all the while the slapping and name calling continued. I ignored their taunts of ‘Slut’ as I gathered my bits together. My willingness to avoid trouble kept me from lashing out. But, here’s the thing, everyone – and I mean everyone – has a breaking point.

I knew I could beat them. My Grandfather was an amateur boxer and had taught me to fight but my ability to throw a punch was at odds with my desire to avoid trouble.

Lucy bent down and picked up my purse and saw the dog-eared photo of my mother holding me as a baby.

“Who’s that?” she asked “Looks like a slut just like you” she taunted.

And there it is………..Snaaaaappppp!

I rose from my feet and face to face with Lucy I swung at her. There was a sickening sound as my fist connected with her nose. She let out a cry and fell to the floor. But I was not finished – I was angry. I was overcome with rage.

I climbed on top of her and began to pummel away at her face with my fists. Her gang were offering no resistance, their loyalty tested by their own sense of self-preservation. There was no willingness to risk their own safety at the hands of this feral girl beating their leader.

Lucy tried to block my onslaught but my punches were getting through. It took two teachers to come and prise me off her. They dragged me to the Head’s Office still screaming, my arms and legs flailing.

I sat outside the Head Teacher’s Office awaiting my fate; my face contorted into an expression of sheer hatred. This did not diminish until my Dad arrived. He put his hand on my shoulders and I cried.

“I’m sorry Dad” I said tearfully “But she said something about Mum”

He took my hands which were bruised and sore and smiled “You have nothing to be sorry for but be careful otherwise you will end up with hands like your old man”.

Such was the ferocity of my assault on Lucy that the Head Teacher wanted to exclude me permanently from the school. However, a kind word from my English Teacher reduced this to one month suspension and a letter of apology to Lucy.

Dear Bitch

Sorry I broke your stupid fucking ugly nose.

That month was spent keeping up with my studies or helping my Uncle Joe out on his stall. I also reflected on what happened; I had lost control and it frightened me. I resolved to keep check of my emotions but in making that declaration what I really was doing was just throwing all my anger, frustration, upset to the back of my mind.

On the surface this meant I was calm and happy but bubbling underneath was this concoction of negative emotions. This is where Horny Lina emerged from her. She is too raw to have come from my hopes, dreams and fantasies. Her hunger was more primordial. As she grew she would absorb the negativity and release it in the only way she knew how.

“Hey Lewis!” I replied “You still with wonky nose?”

He laughed taking a seat next to me “Nah! We split up a while back. Can I get you a drink?”

I accepted his offer and we spent the evening chatting about the latest pop culture and reminiscing about school. Lewis even attempted some casual flirting by often referencing the fact he wished he had asked me out instead of Lucy.

The evening went on and despite his sheer handsomeness he was nervously trying to find the right words to indicate he was attracted to me.  I teased him by playing dumb so he became more uncomfortable in his attempts.

I finished my drink and Lewis asked if I wanted another.

“Yeh, going to go out for a cigarette first. You want to come” I said.

“I don’t smoke.” he replied

“Good for you. Come keep me company though, yeh?”

We walked outside the pub and round to the side. I leaned up against the wall and lit a cigarette. Lewis lingered nervously around me.

“Why don’t you just say you want to fuck me” I teased

“Whaaaa? ermmm. Where did that come from?” he stuttered.

Exactly, where did that come from? There is a TV show in the UK and I am sure there are similar in other countries called Stars In Their Eyes. It’s a show where members of the public get to become their favourite popstar. They would go through a door as themself and emerge through smoke dressed as Elton John or whoever.

Sensible Selina was who Lewis was talking to in the pub but when I went through the door to the outside I became Horny Lina.

Tonight, Matthew I am going to be a little bit slutty.

“It’s what you want isn’t it?” I asked

“Well…erm yeh..I mean I wouldn’t put it like that” replied Lewis

I exhaled a plume of smoke and gestured him over “Come here then”

He slowly walked towards me “We can’t do it here” he protested.

I did not reply. I grabbed him by his shirt and kissed him, my tongue slipping into his mouth. Lewis just stood there his arms hovering by his side, his brain not yet caught up with what was happening and therefore unable to control any of his limbs.

I wrapped a hand round his head pulling him into me and as we kissed my other hand run down his front, down towards his groin which was already bulging. He lurched backwards;

“Selina we can’t…not here”

I shrugged and grabbed his shirt pulling him towards me again. I hooked my leg round the back of his and begun to grind on his swelling which groaned within his trousers. I could hear his protests which were now no more than a whisper, his resistance fading.

I unzipped his trousers and released his cock stroking it as I pulled down my tights and panties. With my legs hooked round his I lifted myself up and lowered myself down upon his arousal.

He let out at breathless moan as I slowly led him inside me.His strong legs took the force of me sliding up and down on his thick pole.

I raised my arm above my head and pressed against the side of the pub as I slammed down onto his cock.

He put his arms round me and brought me in closer; lifting me up and down upon him. My mouth was by his ear and I began whispering to him

“Did she let you fuck her like this?”

I slammed down harder on him. His grip tightening.

“Did she get you this hard?”

His athletic physique allowed him to thrust inside me as he held me. The force of his passion pressing me against the side of the pub.

“Did she Lewis? Did she let you do these things?”

He was losing control, his thrusts quickening.

“Did you think of me as you fucked her?”

His pace ever quickened. Hard, passionate, raw thrusts inside.

“This is what you want. Fuck me Lewis”

He could not hold back any longer. He let out a moan which he stifled by burying his mouth in my shoulder as he climaxed; his legs almost buckling before he could finish the last shot of his orgasm.

He gently lowered me to the ground and I pulled up my tights. I looked at Lewis who was breathing deeply, that look of confusion still on his face.

“Shall we get that drink now?” I asked, smiling as I made my way back inside the pub.

The rest of that night Lewis hardly said a word. It was as if his cock and his brain were having a conversation to see if they can work out what just happened.

I reflected that Lewis fantasised about having sex with me and I was after all The Fantasy Giver. But even I noticed there was something different about this time.

Sure it had been a quick fuck up the side of a pub. I didn’t orgasm but there was nothing unusual about that.

Seeing Lewis had invariably brought memories of Lucy back to the surface. They had been long buried but still raw. I hated her for what she said and I hated myself for what I did.

As Lewis was inside me I had a thought; it was only fleeting but long enough for me to remember.

I wanted Lucy to see what Lewis and I were doing. That every thrust inside me was further validation that I had won. I had beaten her.

I imagined her watching as Lewis’ athletic buttocks rocked back and forth. What would I do? Look over his shoulder and smile at Lucy. Keep eye contact with her as I welcomed every hard thrust inside me.

Where the fuck did that come from? That isn’t me. I’m not a bitch. It was ridiculous to think Lucy would know let alone care what Lewis and I did.

But that feeling lingered perhaps a little longer than was comfortable. When he came would I smile at her, blow her a kiss confirming I had beaten her?

Those feelings, those thoughts came from the slush of negative emotions. The slush that Horny Lina emerged from and feeds upon.  The slush she now slept contentedly amongst.

Yeh, Horny Lina could be a bitch.

My story continues with The Fellowship

The Evolution of Selina – Part One

I was quite sexually active during my years at university. However like with Mr First Time my early experiences did not leave me truly satisfied.

For me something was missing, the acts I performed were for the gratification of whoever I was with. We don’t need to go through them in any real detail but they mostly consisted of handjobs, blowjobs and quickies.

Neither are the people, whom I performed these acts with, relevant to this part of my story – my evolution.  A few are probably worth mentioning;

Mr Talkative 

I hooked up with this guy who just simply loved to talk – before, during and after sex. It wouldn’t be sexual talk either just really mundane stuff interspersed with the odd acknowledgement of what I was doing.

So there I would be sucking his cock as he would be holding a conversation with me;

“So this weekend I’m going to the lake. Mm yes that is good Selina. The lake is beautiful at this time of year. You really should come along. Would you like to?”

I would normally give some muffled response. Not that I could get a word in, the only time he shut up was when he was about to cum. It would be like;

” We will probably take the boat out, there is the wonderful spot just along the river bank which……. Ahhh…. is wonderful for a picnic”

Mr Silent 

Conversely there was this guy who never said a bloody word. I’m not sure if he were training to be a ninja or something but he’d lay there deathly silent as I sucked him.

He was by no means the first cock I had sucked & I was confident in my technique & ability but even I had to double check everything was okay.

I’d look over his cock to check he was still alive, flicking at his balls for any sign of life. When he acknowledged I sat up and like an inexperienced lover asked him if this was okay, that I was doing it right.  His response was to give me a thumbs up!  When he eventually came he would  let out a little sigh as if he were watching a puppy play for the first time.

Gamer Dude 

This guy actually deserves a lot more credit than being a mere footnote in my sexual life because he was the first real step in my evolution.

Gamer Dude was a very fit, black guy. He had cornrows and a small whispy chin beard.  I had seen him around campus and we knew each other well enough to say hello but nothing more.

Then one day I was in the local shopping centre. It was my brother’s birthday and I was looking to get him a video game.  Gamer Dude approached me and saw I was buying the latest Call of Duty.

“That’s not a girl’s game – all the cute animal ones are over there” he said.

I smiled, ignoring his casual sexism and replied ‘Fuck you, kick your arse on these games any day”.

He laughed, “Prove it.”

So with the challenge accepted I would hook up with him every Thursday. Initially it was just to play video games and eat pizza but before long we were having sex.

At first sex with Gamer Dude was good – really good. He was by far the most well-endowed and proficient lover I had. Indeed, it was the first time I had experienced the delights of a black cock.

Despite being blessed with such a powerful weapon of pleasure he was not arrogant with it. He didn’t have me begging on my knees for a taste of his dark meat.

He would finish his game which normally involved him winning a big battle & like a triumphant warrior return home and have his woman.

Fuck me oh mighty warrior for I am yours. 

It was fun at first but quickly became stale. It just became part of our Thursday night gaming routine – pizza, game, sex.

Any initial passion disappeared and sex was no longer a prize he craved for a battle well fought; he seemed to get more excited when one of those stupid achievements popped up on his screen.

“Well done honey you killed all those bad guys.  Let me suck your cock” 

“Yes killed five enemies with a single grenade… Sorry did you say something?” 

It even got to the point where he would play on a game for so long that he would announce he was too tired for any sexual activity that night.

My Thursday night hook up was becoming boring & when I get bored I get horny and when I get horny I get naughty.

On this particular Thursday night he had become obsessed with playing online multiplayer on a particular game – I recall it was Halo. He had barely acknowledged my existence and I had resolved to end these Thursday night hook ups but, of course,  with one final sexy goodbye. It would, after all, be rude of me not to kiss that beautiful black cock goodbye.

I watched as he and his faceless band of merry men tried to capture a flag for what seemed the hundredth time. I was getting bored and knew he would not be turning this game off anytime soon.

I stared at his groin and  began to crave what was hidden beneath his sweatpants. I reached over and caressed his flaccid cock through the material.

“Not now Selina” he said slapping my hand away. But I persisted and I could feel his cock grow.

He flashed me a look and firmly said “No!” I could hear the tinny sound of his merry men emanating from his headset querying his exclamation.

I queried it too. His mouth was telling me one thing but his cock that bulged from his sweatpants told me something else. I chose to listen to the latter.

I unfurled his waistband to release his glorious penis. He was already erect when I took him in my hand. He felt harder than before and  spent time tracing every large vein of his huge member with my finger.

I playfully ran my tongue up the full length of his cock and admired how my saliva glistened on the darkness of his thick shaft.

I wrapped my lips round the brown head which expanded as if it were breathing. He was beginning to become distracted and I could hear the distorted sounds of concern from his team mates

“Hey man are you OK?”

“Dude are you with us?” 

No, he was with me and I begun my oral descent down his thick dark cock. He filled my mouth and I took him inside me inch by inch. I could feel his head brush up to the back of my throat depositing drops of precum – a salty thank you to such an hospitable host.

I bobbed my head up and down as he desperately tried to continue playing his game. Stifling his moans; his voice cracking as he tried to communicate with his team.

I lifted my head up from his cock, taking a deep satisfying breath of air. Saliva dripped down my mouth. His eyes firmly on the screen, his cock standing proud.

I took a condom from my purse and bent over to sheath his rigid cock. I looked up at him and he broke away from the screen to offer a weak shake of his head. But he was past the point of any real resistance.

I straddled him and begun to impaled myself on his rigid cock. It had never felt so hard & as I slowly lowered myself upon him I let out a satisfying high pitched yelp.  I looked him in the eye as he filled my pussy. I could sense a dark brooding passion but he broke eye contact to move his head to the side & concentrate on the screen.

I  slowly rocked back and forth, panting into his ear whilst in his other he could hear his team mates.

“Dude what the fuck are you doing” 

“Concentrate man” 

“Do you have a dog?” 

I started to ride him harder, my pussy rising over his shaft before slamming back down with a satisfying wet slap.

“The enemy has captured the flag. Go. Go. Go” 

It felt like I was riding a different cock. He had been inside me many times but it never felt so good. Every slide down his rigid pole felt more intense. Then I realised – he  was getting off on this.

It wasn’t so much the thought that his cock was so desirable that he hardly had to move a muscle to have a girl jump on it but it was something else.

He knew from our previous Thursday nights that all he had to do was, turn the game off and give me the nod.

This had nothing to do with me – it was them, his merry band of men. He knew none of them at that present moment currently had a girl sliding up and down their cock.

He was their Alpha. Their Master Chief and it aroused him.

I dug my nails into his shoulders as I rode him hard. I could sense he was about to cum. He dropped his controller and gripped me hard pounding deep inside me causing me to let out a moan of pleasure.

He rose from the sofa and announced each jet of hot cum that crashed against the protective sheath with a powerful thrust.  I screamed in delight – my own personal acknowledgement of his achievement.

With both of us breathless he lowered me gently onto the floor. I handed him back his controller and with his cock still twitching he returned to his game.

During the passionate finale his headset had been on and his merry men all experienced the climatic showdown.

“Dude were you just fucking a girl?” 

“You are the fucking man!” 

“What’s up with your dog, man?” 

All hail the Master Chief.

That night had all the right ingredients – spontaneity, passion and that something else. I’d given him something that he wanted, that he desired whether he knew it or not.

I don’t know whether during our previous hook ups he had hoped I would just jump on his cock whilst he was playing a game but it aroused him – like nothing had done before.

It was his fantasy, his desire and I had facilitated that. It was I who made that happen. That feeling of given someone what they want… what they truly desired aroused me.

I may not have reached the powerful orgasm I long craved but it took me so close.

As I lay naked on his floor watching him finish his game & accepting the plaudits of his sex starved compatriots I reconciled that this is how it would be from now on.

I was not going to be a convenient hole to satisfy a moment of horniness. I did not want my mouth or pussy to become nothing more than a masturbatory aid for the horny men needing release.

I wanted to feel that connection. That desire. I wanted to make people’s fantasies come to life.

Selina – The Fantasy Giver.

As I lay there I could not think of anything that could possibly go wrong with submitting to someone else’s fantasies.

Nope – could not see any problem with this plan at all!

The Evolution continues.