The Randomness Of Selina : Year 2 Day 20 – Erotica Writers Don’t Want To Fuck You

I’ve mentioned it before but it appears some aren’t getting the message.

So, for the benefit of the people at the back let me repeat myself

Erotica writers don’t want to fuck you.

I should just have to stop there and say no more. After all, erotica is a legitimate literary genre then basically you are asking an author for sex.

That really isn’t good form. I mean you might have the opportunity to meet your favourite author at a bookshop. You will probably say to them what the story meant to you, get the book signed and that’s it.

You wouldn’t pause and say ‘Aaand so you fancy nipping out the back for a quickie.’

Yet that it exactly what erotica authors have to deal with on a daily basis, and it can be exhausting.

Many will receive messages that go something like this

– Just read your story. You’re a great writer.

– Thank you very much.

– The sex scenes were so hot.

– Thank you

– I got very aroused

– Okay

– I’m still hard now so…..

Look I know there is a growing sense of entitlement with consumers of entertainment but this really takes it to the extreme.

These horny guys are basically saying ‘How dare you arrange words in a carefully constructed sentence which has led to me having an erection. You are now responsible for it!’

It doesn’t happen in other genres. I stand to be corrected but I doubt that Stephen King gets loads of messages that says ‘That story was really scary. Now you must come round my house, check under my bed and sing my a lullaby until I’m asleep.’

There is a horrifically incorrect assumption that because a female erotica writer writes about sex she must be very much up for it.

If you honestly believe that then get your hand off your dick and listen up – erotica is mainly the work of glorious fiction. They are stories not invitations.

Writers like to engage with readers. It allows them to grow and improve. They just don’t want to see your dick with a request to fuck it.

Respect the writer’s boundaries. Unless a writer has in her bio ‘will fuck for reviews’ then understand the obvious etiquette.

Do not get sleazy in her DMs. Do not assume because they write about sex they are happy to talk about it in detail while you have a cheeky wank.

Just be normal. Just read their work, say if you liked it and leave it there.

We clear?

The Thoughts Of Selina II : Violence Good. Sex Bad

Following on from my Opinion on the present state of the Erotica genre I wanted to explore a little further a particular theme surrounding that.

I absolutely love Star Wars but fun fact after watching the entire saga you would have witnessed the death of trillions of people.

But that’s okay because it’s never really gratuitous. Sure genocide occurs, millions of people wiped out but it’s ‘oh well. When they going to start shooting stormtroopers again?’

The body count for The Fast and The Furious franchise runs into the hundreds. The violence in those movies are undeniably gratuitous, they add nothing to the storyline and only serves to makes those scenes more action packed.

But gratuitous doesn’t mean explicit. It’s comic book violence and is totally acceptable. Plus a lot of them were bad guys and deserved to die.

Yet movies such as Kick Ass and any Tarantino film contain gruesome scenes of violence. They are depicted in such a way that it leads very little to the imagination.

Indeed often they are both gratuitous and explicit. Yet these movies are lauded as being fantastic works of art, scoring highly on Rotten Tomatoes.

These random acts of gratuitous explicit violence are not limited to movies and are also a plot device in both comic books and literature.

But these are harmless action and adventure stories. We don’t need to know the socio-economic reasons which led a particular person to become a henchman for some evil bastard. He speaks with a foreign accent , he’s got a gun, he deserves to die.

That’s right isn’t it? It’s just a bit of fun. These scenes are infrequent and whilst not necessary they are, after all, exciting…..Lighten up it’s escapism.

And I would agree. There are far more qualified people around to comment on the reasons for our desensitisation to violence and it’s not the point of this opinion.

My point is, if it’s okay with violence then why don’t we have the same attitude towards sex?

Romance or chick lit stories often opt for the ‘Star Wars Implied Genocide Method’. We lead up to the sex but never really see it.

Just as we never saw all the kids playing on Alderaan before it was obliterated or witness janitor Clive’s final day before retirement on the Death Star, dreaming of spending more time with his grandchildren before Luke blew him up.

In a lot of thrillers and chick lit the main character may be having frequent gratuitous sex. But that is still okay because it’s not explicit, right?

Yet the moment you describe in detail the natural act of lovemaking and dare to mention words like ‘cock’ or ‘pussy’. The Erotica label is slapped on it and you are banished to the corner.

(Well that’s not exactly true – if you are an independent author you’ll be punished. The differing attitude towards mainstream authors is a whole other story.)

Look I get that some readers don’t like sex scenes. But that’s not the point. I don’t like Thomas Hardy novels, it doesn’t mean I’m advocating banishing all his work from ever being found on internet searches.

We all have our own preferences and tolerances of what we read and watch. Yet as previously discussed Erotica is automatically labelled as wrong. Dirty. Disgusting.

You want to watch a guy kill hundreds of people (including scores of collateral damage) then grab a beer and settle down. You want to watch people have sex then please leave town you depraved monster.

There is a continuing movement to push ‘porn’ further into the dark recesses of the web. If Governments get their way it will become more and more difficult to watch porn. Those who write under the erotica category are and will continue to find themselves caught up with this apparent cleansing of the internet.

However, on the likes of YouTube all the gratuitous explicit violent scenes from these mainstream movies are just a click away.

Sorry Explicit Sex Scene is blocked but you may wish to watch Top Ten Best Gruesome Action Movie Deaths Of All Time.

Violence good. Sex bad.

Yet sex is the most natural thing in the world. As I write this people are having sex. As you read this people are having sex.

Whilst I accept that there are also acts of violence being carried out at the same time, what is so wrong with escaping to a place where people are having sex?

Why is it fine that you can freely and without judgement enter a world where non-descript prostitutes are murdered as a cheap plot device, yet to explicitly describe the growing sexual relationship of a couple is disgusting.

And if you dare make that couple the same sex….Boy, have you crossed a line. Away with you must go, you purveyor of absolute filth.

Well written ‘erotica’ explores something that can’t be achieved by implied sex – how that person feels at the time.

Whether it be positive thoughts of desire, lust, happiness and passion or more negative concerns such as disgust or regret, they form part of the story. It maybe explicit but it’s not gratuitous. It is an exploration of their character.

If it’s justified to show explicit violence to further a plot then the same courtesy has to be extended to sex scenes.

Whilst some will include an explicit sex scene just to simply evoke arousal that cannot be said of every story that features an explicit sex scene. Yet the likes of Amazon will, for the sole reason it is simply explicit, banish it to the dark corners of it’s site.

The truth is everyone thinks about sex. People are rightly curious about sex and well written ‘erotica’ can provide some comfort, offer some answers; Rather than send them down the rabbit hole of depravity it can help them process their own emotions and attitudes towards sex. It is a positive thing.

Being positive about our sexuality is something that should be encouraged and not hidden away in the corner.

At some point in our lives we will all have been curious about sex. The same cannot be said for being curious about standing on a moving bus and taking out two vehicles with a rocket launcher.

If you are curious about that then you really need to be having sex.

The Thoughts Of Selina I: The Future Of Erotica & The Need For A Purge

In my continuing quest to make this blog a wonderful place to be I thought I would occasionally throw in the odd opinion about some topic.

For my opening attempt I want to look at the current state of Erotica.

Those writing in this genre are having a bit of a hard time recently with the forums for their work seemingly burying it as deep as they possibly can.

If this continues then it will be so difficult to find an erotica writer’s writing. This would be for the simple reason it has a bit of sex in it.

Erotica has enjoyed a bit of a golden period mainly in part to a combination of the phenomenon of Fifty Shades and Amazon KDP.

Fifty Shades was a huge success and no one can take that away from the author – well done to her. But let’s be honest, it’s a bit rubbish. A repetitive diatribe of grammatically incorrect erotic cliche. In short, she’s done alright but in the long term has done the genre more harm than good.

I have no doubt that people sitting at home thought ‘I can do that’ because certainly Fifty Shades is hardly an unobtainable literary masterpiece. Yet that has proven to be a problem.

Scores of wannabe writers with not much respect for the genre looking to make a quick buck with some crudely written smut

With Amazon KDP it provided those people the opportunity to do that. But the unforeseen consequence of tapping into this phenomenon is there is a lot of noise. That makes it difficult for any indie author with a great story to get heard.

It’s hard for a self published author. They have to do everything – writing, cover art and their own marketing often with the most limited of budget.

So I offer this thought what if Amazon etc just did away with the Erotica category. Even further that erotica or smut were not terms to be used to describe a book.

It would be terrible, right? How would you find your target audience?

In my opinion I think it would be the best thing that could happen.

Firstly it would do away with the dabblers. Those cluttering up the bandwidth with poorly written erotica short stories that really are nothing more than crudely created sex scenes.

A purge would leave those who actually want to do this, who care about writing, who are good at it still standing.

The massive problem with Amazon KDP is nothing goes out of print. There’s too much choice and consumers don’t like that and so opt for the safety of the mainstream.

If it were up to me I would have all ebooks published have a shelf life which when expired would have to be renewed by the author.

Thousands and thousands of stories keep entering the system and never go away.

Imagine walking into a book shop where every book ever written was published – a delight for some but a horror for the vast majority. They simply would not know where to start.

Secondly, should there even be an erotica category? What actually is it?

Well, erotica has many definitions but loosely it is a work of art designed to be sexually arousing.

So those one sex scene short stories I was talking about , yeh they are probably erotica but does that term apply to anything that may have an explicit sex scene in it?

That can’t be right. If you’re a guy and get a boner to a James Patterson sexy thriller is he now erotica?

I am proudly part of a community on Twitter of some of the most talented indie author who largely write under the erotica category.

I certainly do not speak for them but I would guess that a large number of them publish under erotica for fear of falling foul of the strict guidelines on content.

But are they writing erotica? No. They write romance, thrillers, horrors, sci-fi. Yet their stories include explicit sex scenes and so banished to the dark corner of Amazon they must go.

My current story A Song Of Tyler & Bryce begun life as a satire that those authors are labelled as inappropriate and hid away yet George RR Martin is lauded for stories that include incest, under age sex and plentiful non consensual sex.

If an indie author wrote those themes in a modern day setting they would be punished. Yet set it in fake olden times it’s perfectly acceptable.

I would also add that not once following the non-consensual sex does Martin ever explore how the woman may be feeling. Yet the big bad band of erotica writers dare to tell you what is on her mind before, during and after sex and they find themselves banished to the corner.

Whilst we could get angry about the injustice of this ludicrous hypocrisy I believe we should take note.

I refuse to accept that this world is made up of nothing but prudes. Mainstream literature, TV and film is littered with sex scenes. Overall society doesn’t seem to have a problem with sex.

You watch any HBO drama and the main characters are banging away whenever they can. Yet that wins Emmy’s

I believe it’s time to recategorise our work. If it is set in fake olden times it’s Fantasy. Modern Day it’s romance. A dark twist it’s a thriller or horror. They’re fucking in space it’s Sci-Fi.

Yes put the warnings that it contains explicit scenes (that would make you a better person than George RR Martin), change your cover to make it more, shall we say, user friendly.

If indeed there is a battle looming then prepare now. Play them at their own game.

If you are reading this and thinking but all I have to sell my book is a hot sex scene, then you may struggle if this trend continues (and I would suggest it’s only going to get worse).

But review your work, revise it. That’s the beauty of Amazon KDP etc your story can evolve.

Ask yourself can I add some scenes leading up to the explicit sex. In other words make it more mainstream.

Because Amazon etc cannot censor you for having an explicit sex scene. It’s a slippery slope that would have to include mainstream authors (including one Mr Martin) so it’s never going to happen.

My advice is to welcome a purge. Let’s encourage a reduction of noise and get your stories out there where they should be. Not buried because of some archaic categorisation but available to read.

Rightly or wrongly there is still a stigma about erotica – that it is cheap, nasty, dirty.

That is not how I view the stories I have read. They are well plotted, thought provoking with strong characters who are often female.

Yes they have explicit sex in it. But so fucking what. So does Game of Thrones.

The Saving of Selina 

Six months. That is how long I was with Keith, checking off the items  from his naughty bucket list.

I was feeling rather upbeat about this arrangement. I had seen the list, we had agreed upon which ones I would do plus Keith had promised it would be more than just sex.

On that front he was certainly true to his word, treating me to lavish meals, nights out at the theatre and whatever else I cared to ask for. I even managed to drag him along to a comic convention, where he spent most of the time gazing at the variety of cosplayers before promptly amending his sex bucket list.

Keith ,I don’t remember ‘ must be dressed as Batgirl’ on this one?’

It wasn’t the case that he would take me out somewhere as a reward for a sterling sexual performance. Indeed, sometimes he just wanted to have my company during a meal.

No Keith, a guy buys me dinner then I suck his cock..Thats how it works, right?’ 

Whilst it was all rather gentlemanly of him I was concerned that he was becoming too attached. That was certainly something I wished to avoid. I had no intention of being a slutty stepmother to someone who was the same age as me.

No matter how kind, attentive and considerate Keith may have been I was not after any relationship. Although he was showing me how a guy should treat a girl I was more focused on seeing through my part of the deal. I was determined that neither of us would renege on our agreement; even if regular lunch at the Savoy was quite pleasant.

The first of Keith’s fantasies to be fulfilled was to have sex in his office. He had it all planned; indeed, Keith would often brief me as to expectations of the fantasy. I did not mind,  as such was his innocent charm,  I found it mildly amusing as he bumbled over describing the sex act he wanted performed. Sometimes, I would play dumb or pretend I hadn’t heard something so he’d have to repeat it again.

The only slight downside to Keith’s pre-sex briefings (or pervy priming as I affectionately referred to them) was that the events lacked an element of spontaneity.

So when I arrived in his office,  wearing a long overcoat to disguise the fact that underneath was nothing more than bra, panties and stockings, I was immediately struck by how empty and tidy his desk was.

Keith had confirmed during the briefing that were going to have sex on his desk.  Clearly, he had spent the time when everyone else had gone home to put everything neatly away.

There was to be no passionate sweeping of papers as we ripped each other’s clothes off.  No, it was all choreographed to the point I had expected to see markings on the desk like some horny game of Twister.

Sorry, does my left buttock go here?’

Nevertheless the creator of these fantasies was having a wonderful time. I had reconciled previously that I would never experience true sexual pleasure. My role in all this was to facilitate someone else’s carnal desires and I was genuinely happy with that arrangement.

If I hadn’t been performing these well planned erotic adventures I would be having some random guy between my legs for no other reason than I felt compelled to do so. This was far more pleasant.

Of course such was my reliance on Keith’s briefings that I didn’t really do much thinking for myself. So as he got his breath back following his orgasm he suggested we go have some dinner.

“But I’m just in my underwear Keith” I pointed out.

“Oh” he replied “Did you not bring a change of clothes?”

As the months went on I felt the happiest I had been for a long time. My mind was flourishing in the brightness, having been stifled for so long under the dark clouds that had consumed me.

When I was with Keith I did not experience any feelings of anger, disgust or frustration that had led to culmination of the storm clouds and the manifestation of that feeling of numbness.

Perhaps the only slight frustration I felt was during one of Keith’s bucket list fantasies when he wanted to have sex whilst his favourite jazz tune played.

Once I had got past the distraction of whether the piano was actually  being played correctly, it all seemed to go a little chaotic.

Keith seemed determined to have sex with me to the rhythm of the music, yet there seemed to be no actual rhythm. Cymbals would crash and trumpets blare which sounded like a cat being strangled. Keith’s movements inside me replicated the cacophony of chaos that filled the room. If someone had been watching they would be forgiven in thinking that this fifty year old was having a fit.

The fantasy had been to make love to this one particular tune but after twenty minutes of random crash, bangs and wallops I brought Keith, who was happily humming away, closer to me and whispered

“Hun I think this is a different tune?”

Without breaking from his haphazard rhythm he replied “No. Still the same one.”

That evening I certainly had admiration for Keith’s stamina but cannot say that I had a new found love for jazz.

The final bucket list fantasy was left purposely to last, not by me but by Keith. I never asked why, perhaps he wanted to end our time together with a bang. Keith wanted to get a little kinky.

I was unsurprised that this particular fantasy would appear on the list; around that time it was all the rage. Thousands of sexually repressed British people were showing how much they loved their partner by tieing them up and whacking them.

I had been tied up before but rarely made a habit of it. Although I had no control over my compulsion to have random sex I still retained some semblance of intelligence. I was not suddenly going to let a guy I had just met tie me up so I could not escape, or at the very least kick him in the balls. But I had been with Keith for months, he was kind and I trusted him.

My arse had been spanked countless times during sex and some of my one nighters would get a little rough. Nevertheless, Keith was a gentle soul and doubted he could hurt me.

Therefore I had agreed to this particular fantasy expecting that this would all be performed rather half-heartedly and that Keith would lose interest halfway through and just revert back to normal sex.

However he had planned this quite methodically and wanted to insert a little roleplay into this fantasy. Here was where we encountered the first problem.

I had grown up in comic book stores and had listened to numerous heated discussions about plot holes and the problem with retcons.

I would never participate in such discussions but clearly some of the fanboy ranting must have rubbed off on me because I was unhappy with the plot of Keith’s fantasy.

“So you will be a naughty secretary that I punish for making mistakes.” said Keith.

I stifled a giggle as I watched Keith describe his naughty idea in such a bumbling manner. However, I felt this storyline needed to be clarified.

“Wait. What sort of mistakes?” I enquired.

Keith was not expecting any enquiry into the detail of his fantasy and stuttered his response “Ermmm.. You know, not filing properly, late.. That sort of stuff.”

“So I’m incompetent?” I replied

“Well.. Yes I guess you are.”

“So not naughty just incompetent.” I stated.

“Well… No.. You’re naughty and incompetent” bumbled Keith.

“Not doing the filing properly and that does not make me naughty it makes me shit at my job.”

Keith went to say something but I continued “I mean if I can’t do my job properly then you give me warnings… training… notify HR… Not fucking flog me. That’s not in the Company Manual”

“HR don’t know and you are too concerned about keeping your job to say anything to anyone.” Keith said, desperately trying to maintain the simplicity of this fantasy.

“Fuck off. My job is to do filing. You start threatening to spank me cos I’m shit at it.. I’ll bloody leave straight away.”

Keith smiled trying to find a compromise  “Look let’s just say I am a kinky boss that likes to punish poor workers that way.”

“Did you do that to Roger when he broke the photocopier?” I replied.

“Who’s Roger?” Keith asked, looking a little confused.

“Just someone I added to this scenario to give it some realism”

Keith held his hands up “There is no Roger.”

“He’s got a wife and two kids you know” I added

“SELINA!” Keith exclaimed before smiling and calmly he replied “OK you’re not incompetent just slutty and you make these mistakes purposely  to get me to punish you. ”

“So why don’t I just ask you to spank me?” I suggested.

“Excuse me?” asked Keith.

“Rather than just pretend to be shit at my job why don’t I just bend over your desk and say ‘spank me big boy'”

“Because….” Keith thought for a moment, sighed and went and got a drink.

The evening of the fantasy I emerged from the bathroom wearing black thigh high stockings and a basque, all finished off with a choker.  If there were any doubt what Keith intended to do then the fact my bare arse was clearly on show was a bit of a giveaway.

“I don’t think this is really suitable office attire, Keith” I said.

“We’ve moved on from that scenario now.” he replied.

Since my geeky necessity for plot perfection Keith had not shared with me the details of his new revised fantasy. My ex Steven used to do that a lot but Keith was kinder and gentler. I was certain I had nothing to worry about. At the end of the day I was simply submitting myself to a guy I’ve known for just a few months holding a paddle in his hand.

There was a pillar that separated his lounge from the hallway and Keith chose that location to tie me up.  Facing the pillar he begun to bind my hands and ankles.

“Oh… We need a safe word” he said.

“How about ‘Stop fucking hitting me you wanker'” I suggested.

Ignoring my comment he provided the name of one of his favourite Jazz musicians as our safe word.

With me bound and nowhere to go Keith stalked round me. He was naked save for a silk robe that did little to hide his modesty.

” You’ve been a bad girl.” He offered that cliché in a rather unconvincing way but followed it up with a crack of the paddle on my bare buttocks.

It was at that moment of the hard leather colliding with my soft skin that I realised something.  It was something I had not really thought about. All the rough sex and scrapes I had gotten into in my life it had never occurred to me until that moment.

I don’t like pain.

THWACK!!

I really don’t like pain.

“Fuckin’ Hell Keith” I screamed

“Yeh you like that don’t you? You naughty girl” he replied, now in full role play mode.

“No it fucking hurts” I screamed with  tears forming in my eyes.

But Keith did not relent and why would he? This was his fantasy and I hadn’t said the safe word.

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

Pride was not the reason I didn’t scream out the safe word. Nor was it because I was enjoying it; having my arse beaten was definitely not my idea of a fun Friday night.  However determined I was to fulfill Keith’s fantasies I had no hesitation in calling it off.

No, the reason I did not was because I wasn’t paying attention when he told me. I probably should have written it down but that was difficult on account of my hands being tied up at the time.

For all Keith knew my cries of pain were an act; an exaggerated performance to bring to life his fantasy.  He wanted to punish me for being slutty.  He wanted to punish me for being incompetent and failing to do the most basic things in life correctly. Art imitating life. Perhaps there were  reasons I wasn’t shouting out the safe word.

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

My buttocks stung and the soreness of my skin made each whack more painful. Keith was relentless, his normal kind demeanour had transformed into something more sinister. Was he trying to really hurt me? Or was he simply performing a role. Just all part of the make believe.

As I stood there, bound, being flogged an image flashed through my mind. It was an image that I had become familiar with but which had been absent from my mind for the entire duration of the  relationship with Keith.

It was of the dark towering behemoth. The one that would lead me towards that final descent into the dark abyss of nothingness.

At the start of our relationship I had contemplated whether Keith could be that final liason but had quickly dismissed that thought. He was kind and his bumbling nature had been disarming.

Yet, although I had no control over my compulsion which had seen me engage in all manner of sexual activity, I had always been careful never to leave myself in a position of vulnerability where I would be unable to resist the advances of the mystery monster that haunted my dreams. But I found myself bound, unable to move, unable to run. I was totally at the mercy of another.

I could sense the sinister black clouds forming, ready to erase the brightness of my mind that I had enjoyed the past few months. No doubt Lina would be riding the roaring gloom like a lustful valkyrie; crashes of thunder would ring out in my head to signal her return.

I closed my eyes as Keith continued to punish me. I had submitted to whatever Keith intended to do next. Would he hurt me? I mean really hurt me. Use me in whatever way he desired with no consideration of myself.

This was to be our final time together…..a final liaison. Bound tightly I could not see behind me. Dare I try to look? To see that once gentle face now contorted in an expression of dark lustful malevolence. His skin reddening from the exertion of the brutality he was delivering.

With tears running down my face I closed my eyes once more willing  the numbness that the dark clouds would provide to arrive.

Then the beating stopped. I stood there in silence, my breath in sync with the throbbing of my skin.  Why had he stopped? Was this the calm before the actual storm?  Then he spoke, the comforting bumbling tones a juxtaposition of the image of the raging punisher I had fixed in my mind.

“Well I must say this isn’t at all what I imagined” he said “Not at all. I am rather disappointed and really don’t see what the fuss is all about”

I let out a laugh which was more an exclamation of relief. “You not aroused then Keith?” I asked.

“Not in the slightest. I do hope I did not hurt you in pursuing this ridiculous fantasy” he said as he begun to untie me.

“No… Just stings a little” I replied.

Free of restraint I watched Keith slump mournfully into an armchair. Our final time had not been the event he had hoped for. He realised that was it, the end of the deal, time to go our separate ways.

Even I could not end it on such a sour note.  There was a element of pride there. The Fantasy Giver was not about to bow out on a loss. But also I had become rather fond of Keith.

I dropped to my knees and begun to slowly crawl towards Keith.

“Selina what are you doing?” he exclaimed.

I did not respond, just continued my slow, sultry journey to his lap where I took his flaccid penis in my hand guiding it towards my lips.

I looked up at Keith as I felt him grow hard inside my warm mouth. His look was one of confusion… Just what I like!

I sucked on his expanding meat until he was about to explode, all the while my eyes were fixed on his, watching the bewildered enjoyment he was experiencing. This is how Selina says goodbye… Or is that more Lina’s style.

I stood up and straddled Keith lowering myself onto his wet cock. He gripped my buttocks that were raw from the beating they had taken. A sharp intake of breath accompanied my descent onto his aroused member.

Keith buried his face into my pert breasts as I slid up and down upon him. It was raw and it was passionate. No briefing. No priming. Just instinctive spontaneous sex.  This aroused Keith more than perhaps he wanted. His orgasm came quick hard. He shook and in the final throes of his passionate release I swore he muttered “I love you.”

In that moment I probably could have said the same.  Keith was not to be my downfall. He was not my foe determined to destroy me, he was my saviour.

Instead of dragging me down into that dark pit of despair he had jumped in and plucked me out. He was my white knight, not so much in shining armour but in pinstripes.

Rather than confirm my ultimate destruction and sentence me to a lifetime of soul sapping numbness he had, through his kindness, banished those clouds.

Keith was a decent man. An honest man. So why would I not tell him I love him and carry on with the relationship?

What is that old cliché? It’s not you it’s me?  There was nothing wrong with Keith but there sure as hell was something wrong with me.

Despite the best efforts of the pinstriped warrior fragments of the darkness he rescued me from remained. Small reminders as to what I had done, what I was like, what I was capable of.

Lina would return; I had no doubt about that. I didn’t want Keith to meet her, he certainly did not deserve that. She would have no regard for his feelings and lay waste to his beautiful kind manner.

If I told him I loved him it would make what would follow harder. That moment I would callously and cruelly hurt him for no other reason than I was bored. To respond to his gestures of kindness with a numb indifference. That was not fair. He deserved better.

He had saved me and in return I had given him everything he wanted.  They had been a happy six months  and it was probably best to keep them that way.

So I could not tell him I loved him. It was time to move on and my parting words as I slid down his cock one final time were simple;

“Thank You”

Did you enjoy? Feel free to pop back to my Place and take a look around.

The Deal of Selina 

It was inevitable that I would have sex with Keith.

Firstly, ever since bumping into me, he had shown the requisite interest which, in recent times, had been enough to allow any man between my legs.

Secondly, following my failed encounter with the young guy in the toilet cubicle I had felt that burning compulsion to have sex.  I needed it. Not for any pleasure but to restore the numbness before those dark storm clouds once again consumed me.

Such was this need I did not care that Keith was twice my age. It had gotten to the stage in the frenzied feeding of my compulsion that I was willing to not be that picky.

Not that there was much wrong with Keith.  The grey flecks in his hair gave him that distinguished look and whilst time was starting to show on his lined face he was clearly quite handsome. I just hoped his cock worked. I had given a clear indication at least 30 minutes beforehand that we would be having sex in case he needed to go take a little blue pill.

By the end of the night I was inside his luxurious flat and he was inside me. It was a passionate encounter with Keith a mixture of enthusiasm and hesitancy. It was as if one part of his brain refused to accept that he was having sex with a much younger pretty girl. The other half seemed to be unsure whether he should be doing anything different.

Whether chemically induced or not he was hard and for my part I had just wanted him deep inside me. The dark clouds had been forming in my mind and I was in no mood to experience any of the malevolent shame they intended to strike down upon me.

Keith’s stamina surprised me. Perhaps unfairly I had assumed that it would be over in a matter of minutes or that he might just keel over. There was one moment when I looked at his face which was red, glistening with sweat, all contorted in the weirdest expression, I actually thought Keith might be having a heart attack. Turned out I was witnessing his orgasm face.  A furious combination of thrusts that defied his age followed then a satisfied moan before rolling off, all sweating and panting.

Normally, as soon as it was over I would be on my feet getting dressed and making a hasty exit. I continued to be haunted by this image, that had invaded my dreams, of a dark figure. He signified my final liaison. Therefore I tended not to stick around the guy’s house, just in case he was a psychopath.

However with Keith something felt different. The storm clouds had gone. Usually there would be some remnant of the dark swirl but instead I felt normal. I felt drunk… . I felt Keith’s arm slide across as me as he snuggled up.

Woatheretiger. Selinadoesn‘t cuddle. 

But I did not protest I just allowed my heavy eyes to close as I fell into a gentle slumber.

I awoke the next morning alone in the bed. My head hurt but it was a pain I welcomed. It was not caused by the ravages of the darkness but by the vast quantities of alcohol I had consumed the night before. I had a hangover.  Whilst it made every movement hurt I much preferred this to the numbness I had become accustomed to.

“I’m Alive!” I said internally before taking four attempts to actually get out of the bed.

I stood naked in some stranger’s bedroom and it was a dilemma I had not experienced in a while. Do I put on last night’s clothes? I picked them up from the floor, which took longer than it should have; every time I bent down the floor seemed to sink further away from me.

When I finally retrieved my clothes they smelt of last night – alcohol, cigarettes, sex. The accumulated scent made me feel nauseous. I was of course fully prepared to take the walk of shame home in yesterday’s outfit but another drawback of the hangover was my throat felt dry and I could certainly do with a coffee. I had no idea where my aging lover was. I didn’t really know where I was.

I spied on a chair a neatly pressed shirt which, along with my panties, I slipped on. This certainly should give him no funny ideas. When I finally reached the kitchen, Keith was at the stove cooking up some scrambled eggs. He had the air of a fifty year old that had just spent the night fucking someone younger. He was humming away to some awful jazz tune as he spied me;

“Ahh Selina. Good Morning to you” he exclaimed, stuttering a little as he noted what I was wearing.

He gestured to a round table for me to sit where he brought me some orange juice and the nectar of the Gods….. a coffee.

“I am making some scrambled eggs if you fancy some or there are some croissants on the table” he spoke in a posh accent, a hint of nervousness underlined each word.  He was like one of those kind yet bumbling British characters that Colin Firth always seems to play.

Keeping eye contact with him I grabbed a croissant and bit off the end, chewing suspiciously like I was some feral girl who had spent my life in some woods being raised by wolves. Keith would be the kindly gentleman who would teach me the ways of the human folk.  Alternatively, he could be the evil hunter intent of having me mounted on his wall as a prized catch. I opted for the former because Colin Firth only plays good guys, doesn’t he?

He joined me at the table with a steaming pile of scrambled eggs which he lavishly spread on my plate. Sitting down opposite  he flicked through the newspaper while still humming that incessant jazz tune.  I ate in silence. He didn’t look at me, just read his paper pausing only to take a bite of his breakfast.  He managed to do this all without breaking tune.

“Selina I’m thinking of taking a drive in the countryside this afternoon” he said suddenly without looking up from the paper “I wondered if you care to join me?..  There’s a lovely pub there who do a wonderful Ploughman’s lunch.”

He looked up at me for my answer just at the point I was devouring a massive spoonful of scrambled eggs.

Whydoguysalwayswanttoaskmequestionswhenmymouthisfull?!

I nodded my agreement. I maybe should have given it some more thought but I wanted Keith to return to his paper before egg spilled out of my mouth.

“Delightful” he said looking back down at his newspaper “Of course we will swing  round yours so you can change.”

The drive to the pub was silent, well apart from Keith humming away to jazz music. I was preoccupied with a thought;

I have just agreed to get in a car with a complete stranger and drive through woodland to the middle of nowhere.

Despite the fact I may have voluntarily consented to my demise I actually felt calm. There was something wonderfully disarming about Keith. His bumbling British manner put me at ease and I felt he was more Kind Keith than Killer Keith.

At the pub he generously bought me lunch and despite the remnants of my hangover still lingering I washed it down with several beers.   Keith was more than happy to tell me about his life.  He was a Partner in a big city law firm. I would tell you more about that but I kind of switched off whilst he was telling me….. something something corporate something.

He was presently going through a divorce and he had a daughter the same age as me; we both looked awkwardly away when he revealed that fun fact.  He asked me about myself and I was cagey at first to reveal too much but such was his innocent charm I found I told him more than I had intended.

I was going to end the brief summary of my life with the fact that I really hate being bludgeoned to death in the middle of a woods. You know, just in case. Yet I felt totally safe with Keith the only unease that was building was that it felt like a date. Was I dating a fifty year old? Did he think it was a date?

It was around this point that he finally raised our sexual antics from the previous night.

“Selina I must say last night was amazing” he begun “I know it would be foolish of me to believe you would want to do it again…Would you?”

He paused looking at me for some response but I was eating a chocolate cheesecake.

Again with answering questions whilst my mouth is full!

Still devouring the cheesecake and unable to respond I just smiled, Keith took the opportunity to continue.

“Well anyway at least that’s something I can cross off my list”

I gulped down the mouthful of dessert and replied “You have a list?”

“Oh yes” he said rather boldly “A bucket list. Do you not have one?”

I giggled whilst picking at the remnants of chocolate on my plate “No. Anyway I thought they were just about skydiving and visiting pyramids.”

A bashful smile spread across his face as he responded “Well mine was like that,  but there were a few.. carnal things I put on there.”

“A few?” I said raising an eyebrow “Like what?”

“Well… erm..” he bumbled “I can show you the list.. If you like?”

He picked up his phone and after a few taps on his screen he slid it towards me. I looked down to see all neatly presented Keith’s Bucket List.

I scanned through the dull ones like motor car racing until I got to the juicy portion.  I looked up at Keith who stared at me nervously as I flicked through the list.

“Done… Done… Not done..” I said as I scrolled through  “Don’t know what that is…. and you shouldn’t even be thinking that one let alone writing it down you dirty bastard.’

I looked up at Keith who had the expression of a school kid who was agonisingly waiting for his Teacher to mark his homework.

He gave a nervous smile and said “So? What do you think?”

I was unsure how to respond, unclear if he expected me to give feedback on each individual one.

“Yeh, they’re cool.” I answered nonchalantly “Although number 12… Wrong.. Just wrong.”

Keith let out a nervous laugh and replied “Well at least thanks to you I can cross one off the list.”

“I didn’t see one that said fuck a girl half your age.” I retorted.

More nervous laughter from Keith as he replied “No but a one night stand was.” He took a sip from his glass of red wine before continuing “I’d like to do a few more on that list …..with you”

I was rather taken back by his sudden boldness. I  had endured what seemed a lifetime of bumbling and indecision before he ordered his lunch, which turned out to be exactly what he always ordered,  yet here he was making a very direct request.

It was this directness  which caught me a little off guard. I had expected him to try and have sex with me again, I would have been offended if he hadn’t. Yet I was at a loss on how to respond and just raised an eyebrow.

Concerned he may have offended me Keith returned to his more familiar bumbling nature.

“I mean you of course do not have to. It wouldn’t just be sex.. I’d buy you things.. You know.. Treat you.”

“I’m not a whore Keith” I replied, a mischievous half-smile on my face.

“No.. No.. You most certainly are not.. What I mean is we can go out” he said, floundering for the right words “You know, like dinner or a show and if you fancied doing something off the list then…. we can”

Before I could respond he added “But only if you want to.. No pressure.” For good measure he concluded with “And you wouldn’t be a whore.”

I smiled and contemplated his offer. I had no idea why but being in Keith’s presence made the storm clouds stay away.  Maybe I could do with a holiday from the numbness. It had been a bad year and I was clinging on by a thread. Perhaps indulging in Keith’s list of lust would help me hold on that little bit longer.

I had no intention of ‘dating’ Keith and would have to be careful not to let him become too attached. It would be good for both of us. I can step out of the darkness for a short while and Keith… well he gets his naughty fantasies fulfilled.

Isn’t that how it all began? This desire to please others, to make their fantasies come true. Selina The Fantasy Giver – that’s what I used to call myself but recently it had just been Lina.  She had been thriving in the darkness and what it compelled me to do. I concluded there was nothing wrong with the offer Keith had presented me with.

“Okay.” I said “I’m up for that.”

His face lit up not quite sure if I had agreed to his proposal. “Really?” he exclaimed “Well now that is rather pleasant.”

“But not number twelve.” I pointed out.

“No. Well we can discuss the ones you are happy to do.” He replied.

I smiled and went back to finishing the last of my cheesecake, glancing over at Keith who had the expression of a child who had just been told he can have all the toys in the shop.

For my part I felt happy. Not that giddy happiness someone may have when first embarking on a relationship. It wasn’t going to be like that. It was most certainly not a relationship.

It just felt good to be the Fantasy Giver again and this time I knew exactly what I was letting myself in for. Here it was before me in Times New Roman font, all nicely underlined and arranged.  There could be no misunderstandings. No mistakes. Plus by the sounds of it I was going to get well fed for my effort.

It was a good deal and you only make good deals with good people.

I mean who else is there to make a deal with?

With the deal done, will Keith be my saviour? Find out here

The Treat of Selina 

There will be another chapter of my life very soon but as it’s Halloween and I missed posting a blog last week. Here is a little devilish short I wrote for Halloween. 

There is a urban legend in this town about a woman called Eve.

Little is known about who she was although some people say she just suddenly showed up in town one day, her family moving here in mysterious circumstances. Others reckon she was the daughter of that crazy woman who lives up by the forest. It don’t really matter. 

Her description changes depending on who you ask. Some say she was blonde, other brunette although the most common description is of a redhead with the most perfect emerald eyes you have ever seen.

Whoever tells you this tale there is no doubting she was pretty and caught the eye of many men. Yet she never gave in to their advances. Eve, you see, was a virgin and whatever her reasons she wanted to keep it that way. 

The folk who remember her describe her as being a quiet girl…a little strange even. She pretty much kept herself to herself. At school she would often sit alone… Yet she was so darn pretty it was difficult for guys to leave her alone. 

There was this one guy who never gave up. Would try everything he could to get with Eve. Whether through sheer persistence or charm he managed to get her to agree accompanying him to a Halloween party.

She must have been eighteen at the time and it was agreed they would meet at his house. So there she was at his front door dressed as some sort of sexy witch; others say it might have been a devil or even a fairy but you get the idea. 

Anyway, turns out there was no party, this guy just wanted to get Eve alone. He didn’t force her to do anything, you see as it turned out Eve had rather fallen for this guy. She was in love with him. 

He was handsome and had shown her kindness so when he suggested they should have sex… well.. Eve felt she was giving her virginity to her one true love. 

It sounds a little sappy but Eve was a bit of a romantic and she had been saving herself for that one special person. Her virginity was to be that guy’s treat.

They had sex. It was afterwards when they were getting dressed  she kissed him and asked if he loved her with all his heart. 

Turns out, however charming this guy may have been, he was a bit of a dick and he just laughed saying something like “No. It’s just sex.’

Well now poor Eve was devastated. She’d just giving her one true gift to someone who most certainly did not deserve it. In tears she ran out of the house. Neighbours reported hear her crying “You tricked me.”

 By this time it must have been the dead of night. You know how cold those October nights get in this town. 

We’ll,  this all took place before cell phones so poor Eve, distressed as she was,  had to walk all the way home. It must have been a good two miles.

She never made it home. 

The Police searched for her. Even the town all came out looking but no one ever found her. Before long everyone had forgotten about Eve and what may have happened to her. 

Then on the fifth anniversary of her disappearance strange things started to occur. People say that as Halloween drew to a close those who were mean of heart would hear a knock on the door. A slow three taps. It was Eve and she would say “Treat me or Trick me”……. 

“Wait. Wait. Wait.. Have you come up with this lame story ‘cos I was mean to those trick and treaters earlier” laughed Marvin down the mouthpiece of his headset. 

“No” replied his friend, Leo “The legend is true. You gonna let me finish it.”

“Forget it man. It’s getting late. You suck at this game and you suck at telling stories. Night.”

Marvin turned off his games console and closed his eyes.

Tap. Tap. Tap 

He awoke unsure if that knocking was on his front door.

Tap. Tap. Tap. 

It was definitely his door. Too lazy to get out of bed he bellowed “Who’s there?”  

There was no answer just another Tap. Tap. Tap. 

He checked the time, it was way too late for anymore trick or treaters. Besides he had scared most of them away. 

Annoyed that his slumber had been disturbed. He let out a large breath as he lifted himself out of his bed, padding heavily to the door.  Whoever it was knocking at this unearthly hour would be getting the full force of his fury. 

He hesitated opening the door. He didn’t have a spy hole and therefore had no idea who was on the other side. 

Tap. Tap. Tap

Marvin jumped a little at the sound of knocking. “Who’s there?” he asked, his voice wavering slightly. 

“Trick me or Treat me” came the feint reply from behind the door. 

Marvin only caught the words ‘trick’ and ‘treat’ and presumed the delicate voice must be that of a child. 

“Fuck off. You little shit” he responded and went to go back to his bed. 

Tap. Tap. Tap. 

“I said FUCK OFF” bellowed Marvin. 

There was silence and satisfied he would not be disturbed further he walked towards his bedroom. 

Tap. Tap. Tap

In a rage Marvin strode towards the door and yanking down the handle he was fully prepared to give whoever it was on the other side his full fury. 

As he opened the door he was faced not with an obnoxious child but a beautiful woman.

She had  fiery red hair, emerald eyes and wore a witches costume; stripey stockings, ankle boots and short skirt all finished off with a pointy hat. 

Eve? Surely not. It was a trick. 

Marvin began to laugh. He had no idea how Leo had done it but he must be congratulated for effort. 

With a smirk on his face Marvin looked at ‘Eve’. 

“Trick me or Treat me” she asked. 

Marvin had not let Leo finish the rest of the story but it was obvious the correct answer was ‘Treat Me’. That’s what made his stupid story so lame. Who would say ‘Trick’? 

“Treat you” Marvin replied with a smile. 

Eve immediately kissed him which Marvin gratefully received.  Women did not kiss him often and although he knew this had all been arranged as a joke by Leo he would take it. 

Eve broke away the kiss and walked towards his bedroom. She looked back and gestured for him to follow. 

Marvin followed her and once there she indicated for him to climb on the bed. He was waiting for the punchline to come but it didn’t. 

If this was to be an elaborate practical joke then he was unsure how having his penis in Eve’s mouth became part of it. Not that he was complaining he had never found himself in a woman’s mouth before. 

He enjoyed it and grew hard. She stopped sucking him and sat astride him, lowering herself upon his small but firm manhood. She slid up and down, her nails digging into his fatty chest.

Marvin had no idea how much this was costing Leo or indeed when the inevitable joke would occur. Maybe he was just being a good friend. Either way Marvin was going to enjoy it while he could. 

She grabbed his hands and moved them up to her breasts so he could fondle them whilst she continued to ride him. 

Marvin had never been inside a woman before. It was warm and he could feel the wetness on his cock as she continued to slam down upon him. 

He was in heaven and did not want this pleasurable experience to end. Although he doubted he could last much longer inside such a beauty. 

.…. Of course most guys always agree to Treat her and once they do she gladly gives them her body. I mean we are talking about the best sex you have ever had… 

Marvin was close to orgasm. He wished he had more staying power  but the pleasure was becoming too much. 

… When the guy is about to orgasm Eve leans in and whispers.. 

“Do you love me?” 

Marvin nodded enthusiastically. There was no one he loved more than this beauty on top of him. 

“With all your heart?” 

…. That’s what she asks next. The guy is having so much fun they’d agree to anything. You see she learned where she went wrong before.  She asked the guy after sex, once he got what he wanted….

Marvin nodded and let out at breathless ‘Yes. Yes. Yes’. At that moment he could not be happier. The world could end now for all he cared. 

... You see in all those years she was left heartbroken and humiliated, she regretted not asking the question sooner.

She knows now to ask it just before that point of release. When the guy’s passion, lust, desire is all building up inside him. 

Eve believed that this is the point when the human spirit is at its most honest. When heart and mind become one organ pumping honesty through the body. 

You see, separately the mind can play tricks and the heart when working alone does not always know what it wants. But together,  that shows the true essence of a person. 

It’s then, just at the moment when the consequence of a guy’s passion is about to flow that she reaches in. Buries her hand deep inside the chest and pulls out the still beating but truthful heart of the guy…. 

The Shaming Of Selina 

It was inevitable that following my experience with the escort that my relationship with Steven would end.

Firstly, as my mind drifted (often closely followed by my fingers) to that night, the perfection of my first time with a woman was ruined by repeatedly seeing his gormless face barking instructions.

Secondly, he had of course fucked the escort which slightly pissed me off.  Maybe it was part of the plan but he had failed to communicate that important detail to me.

Perhaps I had let him down by having such a mind blowing orgasm that I  was useless to anyone for the rest of the night. Maybe he had intended to show me how much he appreciated the show and just opted for the only other option available. Whatever the reason he was still a dick for doing it.

Thirdly, I was learning more about my alter-ego Horny Lina. She got bored and was tiring of Steven. Lina was certainly not the type to settle down and was itching to move on.

Any of these reasons alone would have been enough for me to walk away but if there was any shred of possibility that we could make this work, put the past behind us and start again, well that vanished when I received a text message.

I did not instantly recognise the number and had to scroll through the other previously unread messages before I knew who it was from.

The earlier ones started off fine with the usual ‘Hello? ‘, ‘How are you? ‘ and ‘Can we meet again?’ However, my lack of response prompted more suggestive messages of masturbation and what he wanted to do with me, told in very explicit detail….with emojis.

The frustration in the sender was obvious. Perhaps it was this which  led him to do what he did. I stared at my phone in disbelief as I read;

Ivemadeyouapornstar

This was followed by a link which out of curiosity I instinctively clicked. It could have been a virus that would infect and take over control of my phone. However as it turned out it would infect and take over control of me.

The link opened up a porn website and there on screen was someone I recognised instantly. I had almost forgotten that a video of me performing sex with a guy existed, but here the stark reminder vividly came to life on my phone.

Every bob of the head as I went down on this anonymous cock, every rotation of my hips as I rode him to orgasm was now available for all to see.

I felt sick. My body was shaking as my brain tried to process what was happening. My initial reaction was to turn off my phone as if in some way that would erase the video from existence.  That’s how the Internet works, right?

I slumped to the floor and switched my phone on again, my finger trembling over the power button. I anxiously waited for the screen to reboot, praying to whatever Gods who cared to listen that this had just been a trick of the mind. This could not be happening, someone hadn’t uploaded to the world a video of me having sex.

When my phone had fully powered up I hesitantly returned to my messages.

Pleasedontbethere. Pleasedontbethere.

My heart sunk into my stomach causing a convulsion of pain as I saw staring back at me the link to the video.  Then I saw another link and with the expectation of a boxer who is just about to be hit by a blistering right hook I clicked on it.

I was taken to the ‘Pictures’ section of the site where in all its candid glory was me in a variety of compromising poses. Strangely, it was not those which caused me the most concern, my face was mostly obscured and I doubted even my most intimate lover would know they were my tits.

It was the normal clothed headshot that caused me to let out a primal roar that echoed through my flat.  There I was… Me… If there could be any doubt whose tits and pussy they were well look at the stupid smiling blonde to your left.

Not quite finished with my self-flagellation I clicked back onto the link to the video to once again witness my gyrating buttocks under the heading ‘BritishBlondeAmateur‘.

I had no further interest in watching me bounce up and down on a cock.  My attention was drawn to the comments. The video had been online for a week and had received thousands of views already.

I scrolled  down to the comments section;

Idfuckthatbitch

She rides cock like a pro

Man I’ve just cum hard watching that

Who is this whore?

The revelation of the sex tape had  caused an immediate sense of anger.  I wanted to kill him. I wanted to rip off his cock and shove it down his throat till he choked.  But as I read each crass remark about me, I felt another feeling, one that darkened my mind like a storm cloud would the sun.

I felt shame. I felt disgust.

I was no longer angry with this guy but with myself for being so stupid. Heavy dark clouds swirled through my mind, little jolts of lightening struck emphasising the shame.  I began to cry.

Consumed by a sense of self-loathing, my mind torturing me with images of my friends, my colleagues, my family finding out about this sex tape.

What would the girls say? Pru would lecture me, Mel would want to watch it and provide the DVD commentary and Pixie?… She’d be so disappointed in me. I could just picture her face as she removes me from the pedestal in her mind.

What about work? Well to confront me meant they would have to admit looking at porn and this brought a minor piece of comfort.  I could rest easy that it would not be raised in a Team Meeting.

Andnextontheagenda, Selinaswrithingbuttocks..Wouldyouliketotalkusthroughthispresentation?’

However I knew many at work who would gleefully share the video around. What about my neighbours? My brothers?…. Oh God what if my Dad foundout.

That final thought, that final devastating  bolt from the storm clouds had me rushing for the bathroom to throw up.

Bent over  I splashed water on my face, breathing heavily, occasionally spitting out moments of disgust into the sink.

The storm clouds, satisfied that they had brought about enough misery for now, began to fade but bright blue sky did not follow. Instead,  left in their wake was something more sinister, something I always feared more than anything.

Nothingness. I felt nothing. I was numb.

Feelings of pain or anger awaken you, provoke you into doing something about your situation. However, numbness doesn’t, it leaves you not caring about what has and could still happen. A perpetual paralysis of indifference.

I lifted my head and stared into the mirror. My reflection scowled back at me as if to say ‘What you staring at bitch? ‘

One hour later I was in someone else’s flat, naked with him about to enter me.

Lewis had been surprised to receive a call from me. I had not really spoken to him since that night we had sex up against the side of the pub. I had no idea why I had chosen him, I wasn’t thinking… Rational thoughts and feelings had been swept away in the chaos of the raging storm.

No sooner had he opened the door I was kissing him hard, my hand already rubbing at his groin.

“Fuck me” I said breathlessly and shut down any protest by slipping my tongue inside his mouth and gripping him through his trousers.

Within moments I was laying on my back naked as a confused but very erect Lewis slid himself inside me.

He was gentle, rotating his hips, not pushing his cock all the way inside, unsure what to do with this crazy girl who had arrived at his door demanding sex.

I wrapped my legs around him, hooking my feet over each other and pulling him deeper into me. My hands curled round to the back of his head, with my mouth by his ear I whispered “Fuck me”.

My legs tightened round him, my hands moving from his head to his shoulder blades, digging nails into his hot flesh causing Lewis to let out a grunt.

“Harder” I moaned in his ear.

With my legs hooked firmly round him, he duly obliged and with every short, hard thrust the comments echoed round my mind.

Idfuckthatbitch

“Harder” I moaned.

Lewis increased the ferocity emphasising each powerful entry inside me with a low grunt.

Whatawhore

“Harder”

My nails dug deeper into his flesh, breaking the skin. He let out a yelp of pain and I could see from his eyes I had hurt him. His thrusts were now more aggressive, he was a nice guy but in that moment he wanted to reciprocate the pain.

That’s it Lewis fuck me hard. Don’t worry you can’t hurt me. I don’t feel anything anymore.

Suchadirtyslut

Harder”

Those short grunts had now elongated to one long roar of passion and with fury he pounded away inside me. This is not how he wanted to have sex with me, he wanted it to be loving, gentle, sensual. I didn’t.

I welcomed every entry inside me, not for pleasure. I did not deserve pleasure.  No, it served a greater purpose, it momentarily silenced the comments in my head as if the force of Lewis’ cock jolted them out of my mind.

Idfuckthatass

“Harder”

Imgonnacumoverthisbitch

“Harder”

Shitshemakesme erect 

“Harder”

Lewis buried his head into my shoulder, his cock moving in and out of me with such speed, such power.  It was clear he would not be able to keep up this intensity.   He signalled the end with a few hard, powerful thrusts inside. It was exactly what I deserved.

Ivejustshotmyloadoverthisbitch

Ohfuckyehshesgood

His buttocks convulsed as he emptied his load, then he rolled over exhausted and confused. I sat up and looked over at Lewis who lay staring at the ceiling, breathing deeply.

I stood and padded naked to the bathroom. Inside I splashed water on my face. The comments were already returning, swirling through my mind. Scores of anonymous people all talking about me at once, only being able to make out certain words.

Slut

Whore

Bitch

I stared into the mirror, that scowling soulless reflection looking straight back at me as the faceless comments once again raged inside my head, this time with shameful clarity.

Whatawhore

Dirty slut

Hornybitch

Filthy cock lover

I stared intently at person in the mirror, her top lip furled at the corner. Then I closed my eyes and breathed allowing the numbness to spread over me.

The comments disappeared, fading into the distance as I opened my eyes  one final comment floated through my mind as it fluttered into silence;

Whoisthisgirl?

I smiled, yet it was not an expression of happiness.

Yeh Selina, who the fuck are you?

Next up a Descent into the dark.

The Awakening of Selina 

Introducing Steven to my alter-ego Horny Lina may have saved our relationship but it came at a price. He wanted more.

They always want more.

I did not blame him for this. No sooner had I slid off his cock after riding him hard, I was practically inviting him to do whatever else he wanted.

In the days that followed he seemed distracted, probably unsure if my invitation to experiment was real, mixed with a sense of arousal as to what he could experience.

He was coy at first perhaps not wishing to frighten me into the timid girl on her back again. They begun as subtle requests – he would buy me specific lingerie that he would like me to wear and often he would throw in lines such as ‘Could you do that thing you did the other night’.

His pursuit of his own sexual happiness meant that mine was to be neglected. Unless his fantasy required it,  any real foreplay for me was not part of the plan. Occasionally he would slip a finger inside if I was sucking him,  but I felt that was more to give his hands something to do; it was like my pussy was an erotic fidget spinner.

I was not overly concerned that our sex life now revolved solely around Steven’s pleasure. After all, it was I who had planted that seed of possibility in his head.

I felt a degree of enjoyment in fulfilling his sexual desires. I was a more than willing participant and I felt a different form of satisfaction than the elusive earth-shattering orgasm I had been seeking; it was more a carnal contentment, a pleasure derived from performing the act however good it may have been.

There was, of course, a part of me that was not totally thrilled by how our relationship had developed – Sensible Selina.  She now stood at the back of stage as Horny Lina took centre. It was Lina that was lavishing the praise and admiration of Steven and all Selina could do was watch helplessly, unable to intervene, her dreams of her perfect life fading away.

She could still have the theatre and days out but they had become a way for Steven to pass the time before he could indulge in his next desire. Often he would become impatient and distracted, his mind clearly elsewhere.

“What do you mean there is another Act to this play. I’m horny. Look it’s Shakespeare they all die. Now let’s go and fuck”

Even when we went out to a meal,  he would eat his food so fast as if he was trying to break the world record for the quickest time to eat three courses.

“Selina come on I’ve nearly finished my dessert and you’ve not touched your starter. I want to go home and have sex. Nooowww”.

The walks in the park continued but now the trees no longer provided a romantic backdrop to a loving kiss; instead they were cover for whatever sexual act Steven wanted.

Soon, his suggestions were no longer said with any coyness but uttered as someone might suggest trying out a new restaurant.

‘Tonight darling I think we should try anal. I’ve heard it’s rather good. Judith at Number 42 highly recommends it’ 

This development of course was not what Sensible Selina expected. She knew that picture perfect life of a detached home with a garden and perfect kids was now impossible.

Even if we did marry and have children it was unlikely that Steven’s horniness would disappear.

Mummy why do we have to stay at Aunt Susan’s? ” 

“Cos your Daddy wants to tie up and spank Mummy again sweetie… Now eat your corn flakes” 

Then one day, in the usual casual  manner he announced his latest fantasy to be fulfilled.

“I think we should have a threesome”

I lifted my head up from where moments before I had been servicing his penis and replied “Sorry? What?”

“Threesome” he repeated, a horny glint in his eye as the word rolled off his tongue.

“What? Me, you and another guy” I enquired.

“Absolutely not!” He said, his eyes indicating I needed to return to what I was doing previously “I mean with another woman.”

Of course Steven wanted a threesome with me and a yet undetermined female. It made perfect sense. It was Male Fantasy 101. I was surprised he hadn’t brought up sooner.

Strangely, although I had read about many threesomes in erotica I had not had any specific fantasies about them. Likewise, I had not given much thought to being with a woman.

Perhaps my mind had drifted occasionally towards the curiosity of feeling the sweet caress of another female. At University I had even shared the odd prolonged drunken kiss but it never went any further.

Then there was the practicalities of this suggestion. Steven had been particularly vague about how this threesome was going to happen.

Was he expecting me to go out and find a girl? Just randomly walk into a bar and ask?

Hey hun…. Oooh nice shoes… Would you like to come and have sex with me and my boyfriend?”

Perhaps the potential difficulties in arranging this naughty collaboration even put Steven off, even despite how eager he had been for this to occur.

Then one day as it neared to his birthday he announced that as a present for himself he had arranged for this threesome to happen. He was still a little vague on details, only that we would be spending a night at a nearby hotel.  Indeed, little more was said about it, although as the day got nearer there was a growing excitement within him.

It became very clear that Steven had planned every moment as to what would occur, yet he failed to pass on any details to me.

When we arrived at the hotel room and unpacked he laid out on the bed the items he wished me to wear – a silk negligee that barely covered my arse and black lace top thigh high stockings.

Whilst waiting for our unknown guest to arrive I chose to polish off a bottle of wine, my plan was to replace nervousness with drunkenness.

Any anxiety I felt was not helped by Steven excitedly pacing the room, checking his watch repeatedly.  Eventually there was a knock at the door and he almost leapt towards it, opening it up to reveal a beautiful woman on the other side.

She must have been a similar age to me. She had long light brown hair, that curled round at her ample breasts. She wore a short black dress with stockings and heels.

Sheobviouslygotthememo.

Steven presented her with a small glass of wine, muttering something about there being another bottle somewhere. She elegantly walked towards me and sat down, crossing her long silky legs.

“You must be Selina” she said, her voice had a slight regional accent but I could not be clear exactly where from.  “You are such a sweetie” she continued, placing her manicured hand on my knee.

I muttered some words of thanks as I looked down at my now empty wine glass, my finger running up and down the stem.

She placed one of her hands on mine and leaned in “Is this your first time with a woman” she whispered.

I nodded and lowered my head to stare intently at my glass. I felt her finger under my chin as she raised my head to face her. She moved closer and kissed me gently. Her lips were so soft, the kiss so tender that I instinctively closed my eyes; my senses alive to the aroma of her perfume and taste of her lipstick.

She slowly pulled away and smiled but I found her lips drawing me back in closer and without thought I returned for another taste of her lips. The second kiss was more passionate, our tongues passing each other in an oral dance as they made their way into the warmth of the other’s mouth.

It felt beautiful and at that moment I would have gladly just spent the rest of the evening kissing this mysterious beauty.

“Woaa! Ladies. Don’t start without me” exclaimed Steven.

The woman pulled away giggling. Inside I was just thinking ‘fuck off Steven’.

She approached him and asked ‘So what would you like to do first”

“Well” he replied clapping his hands together “I thought you and Selina could… erm… be together and we will go from there.”

She smiled “No problem. You’re paying for it.”

I, of course, had suspected she was an escort. There was simply no way that Steven’s over enthusiastic bumbling would have managed to convince a regular girl to participate.

Secretly I was impressed by his choice. She was certainly one of those top end, high class escorts; this night would be costing him a pretty penny.

She turned her back so Steven could unzip her dress which she allowed to fall to the floor.  She kept her heels on as she returned to join me on the bed.

She immediately returned to kissing me, breaking away briefly to whisper in my ear “Just relax. Follow my lead”

I was hesitant, my inexperience of being with a woman clearly on display as I sat their frozen, not knowing what to do with my hands.

If she had been a guy my hands would be touching  all the right places but with her I was unsure. She embraced me and it felt unnatural, yet at the same time there was the growing feeling of arousal.

I was becoming lost by the tenderness of her kisses, the touch of her hand on my bare skin as it ran down my arm awoke every nerve in my body.

I had never experienced this feeling with any guy before and my nervousness was becoming replaced by desire; my hands reciprocating the same pattern over her body.

The intensity of the kissing increased, our bodies conjoined in passion moved to the centre of the bed.  I was dizzy with lust, unaware of my surroundings, only caring about this beautiful woman that I was entwined with. It was perfect. Nothing could spoil this moment.

“The breasts. Play with each other breasts”

FuckoffStevenyouprick!

I glanced over at Steven who was already in a state of arousal. Clearly he believed he was directing some porno. I suppose he had paid for all of this but still….. fucking annoying!

The woman sat up and expertly unhooked her bra, playfully throwing it over to Steven. I looked up at her, from my angle her breasts seemed huge. She lowered the straps of my negligee and pulled them down revealing my perky smaller breasts.

She lowered herself down on top of me, our breasts rubbing against each other. I could feel my nipples harden as hers circled them.  I could feel the moisture building in my panties as she rubbed her thigh against my covered pussy.

I was breathing heavily, small moans of pleasure occasionally rising from my throat as I submitted myself to the pleasure this woman was providing. I did not want this feeling to end.

“Play with her pussy”

ShutthefuckupSteven.

Her fingers curled round my panties and tugged them down. She spread her legs, running her slender fingers over my thigh. I arched my back and moaned as her fingers entered my wetness, she playfully bit my lip as I panted with pleasure.

I writhed on the bed, my hips following the motion of her finger as it explored the circumference of my wet lips before exploring deeper inside me.

Every lap round sent waves of pleasure to flow around my body. I could feel my orgasm building, I could sense the feeling of that mind blowing completion I had so desperately craved. I…

“Lick her pussy.  69”

Ohfortheloveof

She removed her finger from inside me and I let out a whimper which almost sounded like ‘Don’t go’. She stood up and took off her panties revealing her beautifully shaved pussy.

Moving to my head she straddled me and in the shadow of her thighs I could see her lips, tantalisingly hanging slightly down.  My view became clearer as she lowered herself down until I could see nothing…. Only feel.

I hesitantly explored the darkness with my tongue. Deprived of sight my other senses rewarded as I tasted her sweetness.  My tongue returning for more as she rotated on my face.

I then felt something alien between my legs, the softness of a female tongue.  She retraced the journey her fingers had made only moments before. This time the pleasure was increased.

I had been close to orgasm with just her fingers and I knew that it would not be long now.  I could the pleasure of her tongue and of her breath,  blowing gently on the beads of moisture that formed.

If Steven was talking like some horny teenager I could not hear him; her thighs providing the perfect solitude to his incessant talking.

I wanted this feeling to last forever, spend eternity in a never ending cycle of this gratification .  It was intense, that perfect moment when your mind and body combine, each perfectly reacting to one another as every nerve, every cell is bathed in the flow of pleasure that moved up my body.

It would be wonderful to remain in that perpetual state of bliss but one cannot.  I reluctantly surrendered to the finale of this thrill.

I came hard.   My body shuddered as pleasure flowed from between my legs into the gracious mouth of my host.  I roared my loud approval inside her.

During my orgasm I had no concept of time or place. I could have been anywhere. The final throes of my desire seemed to go on forever. Maybe I was going to be afforded this permanent bliss.

Then it was over.  I was returned to the light as she emerged off me. I rolled over, still breathing hard, my eyes closed, desperate to savour every moment.  I had never experienced this feeling at the touch of someone else. It was perfect and…

Then Steven stuck his cock in my mouth.

Hard from the show he had been directing he thrusted back and forth. Still exhausted I could not move, my mind and body still discussing what they had just experienced.

Then he was out of my mouth as quickly as he had entered. The sound of my own blood flowing through my head I could make out the faint noise of wet slapping and Steven’s over enthusiastic groaning.

He was fucking the escort!

I probably should have been concerned. Maybe I should have said something but I lay there content.. satisfied.

As my eyes became heavy and I was rocked into gently slumber by the movement of the bed I did not see it as a problem.

I know I ought to have but little did I know then I was going to have a much bigger problem.

Steven fucking another woman that could destroy our relationship.

This other problem on the horizon could destroy everything.

Up next…..Shame

The Courtship Of Selina 

I needed a boyfriend.

It had nothing to do with sex but more to do with my perfect plan for the perfect life.

In a short time I had obtained a good job, place of my own and a loyal group of friends. All that was needed was a boyfriend to complete the set.

To Sensible Selina it made sense – the perfect boyfriend to live with her in the perfect house, to be there when she comes home from her perfect job. They would get engaged and have the perfect wedding and eventually raise a family of perfect children.

It would be, well, perfect.

It was everything I had imagined since I first stepped foot in school and realised this was the life I wanted to live.

I never really had a boyfriend before, perhaps the closest was Daniel,  the artist from university. However, that always had a feeling of being temporary but I now wanted something more permanent.

I was on the hunt.

It wasn’t Horny Lina on the hunt, she just wants to find someone she can devour to satisfy her burning hunger. No, I – Sensible Selina – would be doing the hunting.

There was a slight problem in that I’d never actually tried to find a boyfriend before. Either I had no interest in this pursuit or I would simply unleash Horny Lina.

I didn’t want to use Lina to find a boyfriend. It’s true that her scent could lure the guys to me but it was questionable whether those caught in the snare would be boyfriend material.

The guys Horny Lina attracted normally did not stick around once they got what they wanted. Those who did return had a high expectation of the level of sexual gratification they would receive. That was not how I would wish my relationship to begin or indeed continue.

I desired that normal relationship that other people seemed to have. Of course  I wanted the physical side to be good. I wanted it to be passionate but, dare I say it, I wanted it to be loving.

I wanted him to look into my eyes when he enters me, kiss me on the lips and tell me he loves me before confirming this statement with his physical actions.

All I had really experienced previously was a quick peck on the cheek and maybe a considerate tap on the head to indicate completion was imminent.  There were no soft whispers of love just an encouraging slap on the arse followed by a self-congratulatory ‘Yes’.

My role as The Fantasy Giver was never intended to be permanent and indeed it had not brought me to the earth shattering orgasm I had hoped for. No, I needed to feel that connection; that the guy wanted to be with me because he loved me. You know, all that soppy, romantic shit.

So with Horny Lina firmly in her cage I set about my new quest with very little clue as to what I was doing. Fortunately, I did not have to look far because he came to me in the shape of a banker named Steven.

He was good friends with Pru’s boyfriend and had joined us on a few nights out. Initially, he did not show much interest in me nor I with him. But soon we begun to talk and I could see his potential as my perfect Prince.

He was certainly handsome enough; sparkling blue eyes, firm jaw line, blonde hair and muscular physique. He was also very charming if not somewhat nervous when talking to me.

I did not mind his nervousness because I had no idea what I was doing. If I had wanted a quick fling he would have been between my legs weeks before but I held back believing that’s what normal people did, right?

Our relationship slowly progressed and soon we were seeing each other away from our friends; dinner, theatre, exhibitions – the whole dating experience. He would hold my hand during walks in the park and not once did he suggest we nip round the back of a tree for a quickie – The perfect gentleman.

Eventually we had sex. The first time was not the magical experience I had expected. I was probably to blame in some way as I my inner struggle to keep Horny Lina under control gave off mixed signals.

It was to be honest  dull, boring, average sex. Not much in the way of foreplay, a bit of heavy kissing, a quick fumble and he was inside me.  His movement was erratic, torn between a sensitive lover or frenetic fucker resulting in him hesitantly juddering and thrusting inside like a car stalling up hill.

It probably did not help that I just lay there,  the internal confusion raging inside me; Horny Lina rattling the cage to come out and play.

Why was I so scared to let her out? Because she wouldn’t be staying; once I settle down this side of me would be gone and as I lay there I chose not to introduce him to Horny Lina.  If he never meets her he will never miss her.

When he came there was no wondrous climax for either of us. Just a few heavy pants but I did notice something in his eyes, although not totally formed yet,  I saw a look of love. Then taking me totally by surprise he leaned in to kiss me.

He kissed me…. after sex 

No-one had ever kissed me after sex; whether that is because they knew where my mouth had been I don’t couldn’t be sure.  He rolled off me and held me in his arms. This was all new to me, normally the guy rolls off and starts ordering me a taxi. Maybe I was on to something here. I closed my eyes and snuggled into him. I was content, I was in love.

This feeling stayed with me for sometime but slowly cracks begun to appear in our relationship. We still enjoyed our time together but it was the sex that was becoming the problem.

By this time I was staying often at his flat; he would rarely stay at mine which suited me because it meant I did not need to tidy it up.

Even though I would sleep at his we would not always have sex and when we did his body language seemed to suggest he was doing it more out of necessity than want.

I begun to suspect he was releasing his sexual urges watching porn before he climbs into bed with his pretty but ultimately unsatisfying lover.

Sometimes he would act like he did not want me to stay as if I was disturbing a planned jerk off session. I knew what would come next – he would find someone else.  I was losing him. My perfect Prince was tiring of me.

Whether it be pride or arrogance or both I was not going to lose a guy because he thought I was shit in bed. I knew what I was capable of doing and I was going to show him.

StevenyouareabouttomeetHornyLina.

We had been to a charity event hosted by his work – all ballgowns and tuxedos. Steven spent most of the time with his male colleagues, talking and laughing. Everything had to be a pissing contest – how much money they made, who is better at sports and who has the best partner to fuck; Steven went particularly quiet at that point.

I was left with the various wives and girlfriends to chat about things I really had no interest in. I would simply drink and nod, throwing in the occasional ‘absolutely’ for good measure.

During the taxi ride home Steven was already making his excuses as to why we would not be having sex tonight – he was tired, had a lot to drink, early start tomorrow but I paid as much attention to him as I did the women he had left me with. Horny Lina wanted to play and there would be nothing to discuss.

We arrived back at his flat and due to the lateness of the hour went straight to his bedroom and begun to undress. Steven helped unzip the back of my full length sparkling dress I was wearing. It fell to the floor revealing my lacy black underwear and thigh high stockings. I had felt that such a pretty dress deserved equally pretty underwear.

Perhaps I had hoped that the sight of me in that lingerie would have been enough to cause arousal in Steven but he seemed more interested in removing his cufflinks. Had it already got that bad that even seeing me in stockings was not enough to find me desirable? Or was he telling the truth that alcohol and tiredness meant that any sexual contact would be impossible? I was about to find out.

Still wearing my heels I walked over to Steven who was undoing his bow tie. Without saying a word I kissed him, my hand curling round to the back of his head pulling him into me.

“Selina it’s getting late” he protested but I ignored what he said and continued to kiss him. My hand ran slowly down his chest till I was by his groin. I was wasting no time. He instinctively grabbed my hand mumbling some exclamation of protest.

I flicked his hand away and begun to massage his groin. I did not care for any protests, his growing arousal told me what I needed to know. I unbuckled his belt and pulled it from around his waist. My fingers worked at removing his trousers while I continued to kiss him.

Unbuttoned,  I tugged at his trousers which fell to the floor. He was wearing boxer shorts and his cock was already proudly peeking out. I rolled my fingers round his shaft and slowly begun to stroke him.

He threw his head back and let out a deep moan as I kissed his neck. I quickened my strokes and Steven breathed harder. He shot his hand down to my busy hand, holding it still.

“Stop” he moaned.

This was not a protest said because he was not enjoying himself. On the contrary he was enjoying it too much. A few further strokes would have seen him end the night over my luxuriously expensive stockings.

He took hold of me and moved towards the bed. His intention was clear, he was aroused and wanted to be inside me. Perhaps I had done enough and should let him finish off with him on top of me. Any concerns of a less than satisfying sex life allayed after a quick handjob and fuck.

However, Horny Lina was fully out of her cage now and she was not finished. I put my fingers up to his lips and whispered for him to get on the bed. He duly obliged, removing his boxer shorts in the process.

I joined him on the bed, straddling him as I resumed our kissing. I rocked gently over his cock, my covered pussy rubbing up against his cock.

Sitting up he reached towards my breasts and started to massage them. With his arms fully outstretched I took the belt and wrapped it tightly round his wrist, hooking him on to the bed post.

“Selina what are you doing?” he asked.

I gave him a smile and stood up. Unhooking my bra I playfully threw it at him whilst letting out a little giggle. I kicked off my heels and stood over my boyfriend, admiring his toned physique and presently throbbing cock.

Standing in between his legs I ran a stockinged foot over his balls and up his shaft which prompted a moan of pleasure from him. I continued to explore the thickness of his cock with my toe until I sensed he was about to cum.  I slid my foot over his belly, up his chest and into his mouth to be welcomed by some enthusiastic sucking.

Removing my toe from his mouth I slowly slid my panties off and moved up the bed so I was standing over his head. I slipped my fingers into my wetness as Steven watched intently. He had never seen my like this.

Previously all he had known was a timid girl that would just lie there while he would just bang away clearly retreating inside his head to make it as sexy as he could for himself.  But that same timid girl now stood over him, sliding her fingers deep inside herself and letting him taste the consequence of her exploration.

I had begun to get used to the confusion on men’s faces as they meet Horny Lina; my body language changed, my facial expressions were different. Indeed, Steven could be forgiven for thinking that he had brought a different girl home. I swear at one point he moved his head to the side to double check it was still me.

Sorry Selina that I left you at the party… The funniest thing just happened 

I turned around and slowly lowered myself onto his face, grinding my now sopping  wet pussy onto him. Steven graciously flicked his tongue out to welcome my advance.

Flopping  forward I ran my tongue along the shaft of his cock which twitched with excitement. I took him in my mouth and Steven showed his appreciation by going deeper with his tongue.

I could hear him moan into my luscious hole as I sucked him harder. His legs began to shake and I could sense his orgasm was imminent. He was certainly very excitable. It was liking handling a bomb, liable to explode at any moment.

I relinquished him from my mouth and watched his hard cock slap back down. I rocked back onto his busy tongue whilst staring at his glistening manhood that twitched, precum oozing from his slit.

Moving off his mouth I heard Steven take in a satisfying breath of air. Reaching over and grabbing his ankles I hovered over his cock. It pulsated so much I was concerned that when I took him between my fingers he might explode. I guided him into my warm, wet hole and slowly begun to rock back and forth on his hardness.

Steven was moaning, letting out small yelps of excitement. I had never rode him like this and by the way he moaned it seemed this was going to be a short ride.

I sped up, slamming down on his cock. He was so hard, more aroused than I had ever felt him. I saw his toe curls and his legs tense and a cry of satisfaction coincided with his orgasm.

Spinning back round I released Steven from his makeshift binds. Resting my head on his chest I listened as his breathing settled.

It was perfect and I knew that any concerns Steven may have had vanished the moment he had cum. He was happy. I was happy.

Back in your cage Horny Lina. 

“Wow Selina that was…. Fantastic” Steven said, still breathless.

I should have just kissed him and rolled over to sleep, leaving him to reflect on what had just happened. But I didn’t. Circling my fingers around his broad chest I spoke

“You like that hun?”

“That was… amazing” he replied, still breathless.

That’s it Selina you’ve got your compliment, go to sleep now.

“I want to make you happy” I continued “You know that, right?”

He kissed me on the forehead “You do make me happy”

And there’s the reassurance – sleep now.

“No I mean sexually. You know ..that kind of happy”

Steven ran his fingers through my hair “Well certainly I am happy there” he replied.

Okay night night Selina

“You.. um.. liked being tied to the bed” I said with a giggle.

He sat up, slightly embarrassed by my directness “Well yeh…” he stuttered “Never really had thought about it before”

You tied him up. He liked it. Sleep now

“But you’ve thought about other stuff?” I asked

“Well yeh but.. It’s getting late and..”

There you go. You’re tired. He is tired. Everyone sleep.

“Maybe you can tell me another time” I paused and rolled over in bed.

Yep, definitely a conversation for another day 

“Or you could show me.” I purred.

I closed my eyes but knew that Steven would not be sleeping just yet. I had given him something to think about.

My eyes begun to get heavy but just as I drifted off to sleep I thought I heard a noise. It might have been a cat knocking something over.

Or perhaps it was the sound of the door to Steven’s desires opening up and flooding his mind with potential delights.

Or it could have been Horny Lina slamming her cage door shut from the outside, excited that she will be required to stay that little bit longer.

You should have just gone to sleep, Selina. 

Next up….My Sexual Awakening