The Randomness Of Selina : Year 2 Day 17 – Fell8: The Part With The Burnt Pork Scratchings

Elena had a lot to be concerned about. She had almost been killed by the man who employed her as a Housekeeper. But having narrowly escaped, she presumed she had found sanctuary in a passing car. However the occupants of the vehicle appeared somewhat reluctant to come to her aid.

Instead the blonde seemed more intent on arguing with the brunette in the wedding dress than coming to her aid.

Elena banged on the bonnet  in frustration. She grew increasingly impatient for the two women to finish their conversation. The tinny clash of her hand hitting metal attracted the attention of these things that wandered around.

She had not even begun to process why there were throngs of men walking around, their penises protruding, carrying out such acts of barbarity.

It weren’t just any men; she knew them. The sight of the kindly old gentleman who trims the hedges crushing in the skull of Mildred from the Woman’s Institute with his engorged member is not something anyone really should see.

Yet the streets of this well kept neighbourhood were littered with the bloody debris of this inexplicable rampage.

Why and how this was all happening would be a question to ponder when she was in a safer place. She’d be in that safer place if the two occupants of the vehicle would stop chatting and open the fucking door!

She smacked her hands down on the bonnet once more and that is when she saw him. More accurately she smelt him first, her employer, lurching towards her, his cock proud and he was on fire.

Elena sighed, taking one final look at the bickering couple in the car. She was going to have do this alone with no help from anyone.

She was used to having to do things for herself. Elena was raised in a rural part of Romania by just her Mother. They were poor but her Mother did all she could to provide for her daughter.

In later years Elena would reciprocate that love by caring for her Mother when her health rapidly declined. When she eventually passed away after a long and debilitating illness Elena wanted nothing more than to get away. Caring for her ailing Mother had taken its toll on Elena and she needed a fresh start.

Moving to London provided her with that possibility; this vast metropolitan city full of opportunity. With her Mother’s passing there was nothing left for her in Romania. It would be London where she would finally live that life she deserved.

That was the plan, at least. Her new life did not begin as she would have hoped; contrary to the story she found the streets of London were certainly not paved with gold.

She got by doing the odd underpaid job here and there but the all to familiar reality of poverty soon struck her. The need to eat pushed her closer to the lure of the criminal gangs who’d want to pimp her out to whatever horny guy cared to pay for her.

Elena resisted the temptation for as long as she could but the hunger in her belly was enough to defeat her wavering sense of pride.  But before she submitted herself to this life fate fortunately intervened.

A friend of Elena’s, indeed her only friend in London, told her of a job opportunity for some well to do family in Chelsea.  It was nothing more than glorified slave labour but, nevertheless,it was a roof over her head and meant she didn’t have to spread her legs to make a living…..Or so she thought.

The family she worked for seemed quite pleasant enough. The husband had his own Consultancy firm so would spend a lot of the time in his office at home. He barely paid much attention to her when she would bring him lunch or clean up.

The wife worked in television and once Elena got used to being spoken to like an idiot they got along just fine. The wife had a patronising tone when speaking to anyone. This was more pronounced when talking to Elena; the wife clearly assumed coming from a foreign country meant there would not be an automatic understanding of the basics of housework.

Nevertheless, the wife knew without Elena she would have to do more round the house which certainly did not suit her schedule; especially on a Thursday when she had Yoga with Paulo.

All was going tremendously well for Elena and then the son came home from university. His intentions towards Elena were immediate and obvious. He wanted to fuck her.

This young lothario intended not to woo her by compliments and avoided actually getting to know her. He was simply going to have her and any resistance would be quashed with threats of dismissal from her job.

Elena therefore submitted herself to his grubby whim. As she lay underneath him she would remind herself of the beautiful home she now resides in and how things could be so much worse.

Occasionally she did allow herself to daydream , that perhaps he would one day lean in and kiss her, tell her he loves her and they would marry so that she would be their equal rather than their servant.

His contorted , sweaty red face was not one of love but of lust. She was merely a preferable option to masturbation. Just an object he could take and use whenever he wanted. Someone he could brag about to his mates at the rowing club.

Elena would get a respite from his horny advances when he returned from

university of if he went travelling. That was enough to keep her sane.

When he was gone she could reflect only on how fortunate she was to have such a good job. Only occasionally,when cleaning his room, would her eyes drift to the bed and she’d be struck by the shame of what he has her do there.

Nevertheless she remained happy and content and then the husband begun showing her some attention. Previously he’d hardly noticed her with only the occasional grunt of appreciation when she brought him a sandwich.

Then very much like father like son he had her. In his study one afternoon his hands began drifting over her legs and without warning they were soon between them. He grabbed her hand and placed it on his groin. Before long she was on her knees pleasuring him.

There was a distinct difference between the father and the son. The latter would be rough, uncaring, cruel. He didn’t care about her.  All he wanted was a living doll to perform whatever perversion he was currently into.

The father on the other hand seemed kinder, more gentler.  He was reluctant at first to give in to temptation, not that Elena ever purposely tempted him.  But sexual relations between him and his wife had become strained, verging on the non-existent.

Their busy lives (and possibly the fact she was being fucked regularly by Paulo) meant intimacy was a thing of the past.  His sexual pleasure now confined to memories and his own hand.  Occasionally, his wife would indulge him but that only sought to prolong his frustration.

He liked it when she sucked him.  Yet any pleasure he derived from having that act performed had eroded. From the moment he entered his wife’s mouth he could only think how it may be months before he would experience that feeling again.

That’s what was on his mind when he noticed Elena in the study.  In a moment of frustrated arousal, he saw her differently.  No longer was she was a faceless employee but a way to relieve his frustration.  She was paid to serve and he needed servicing.

Elena dutifully obliged.  What choice did she have? Not that she had much opportunity to consider her choices, no sooner had he been in her mouth he was out again with the horny deed done.  He rested back in his chair uttering a thousand apologetic words.

The husband’s feeling of guilt was not enough to stop him wanting it again. The daily routine soon become bringing him is sandwich followed by Elena getting on her knees and sucking him off to completion.

Occasionally he’d want it more than once a day.   Any moment alone could see him insist on being in her mouth.  That is what Elena assumed he was after on this night.  Yet something was different.  He was a lot rougher, so much so she thought for a moment the son had made a surprise visit home.

He was pushing against her, she could feel his arousal.  His hands moved up to her throat.

He’s trying to fuck me!

This surprised Elena because not once had he wanted to have sex with her.  In his weird twisted way he had assumed having just oral sex was not really cheating on his wife.

His hands gripped round her throat tighter as he pressed his remarkably hard penis against her.  She would have agreed to have sex with him if he had asked.  But this was not asking.  It felt so wrong.  Elena struggled to free herself from his grip but his hands tightened around her throat.

She was struggling to breathe as his fingers dug into her skin.

No! Not like this.

Through gasps of air she pleaded with him to stop but he persisted. She could hear his low grumbling moans, the staleness of his breath on her cheek as his arousal pressed harder against her, it felt like it could break through the material of her trousers.

Panic begun to set in and Elena flayed her arms and legs, desperate to break free, but he was too strong.

Elena didn’t believe in God, she had seen too many horrific things, her faith eroded away by one tragedy after the next. But in the moments that followed she was prepared to re-assess the existence of a higher power.

When the husband commenced his attack Elena was in the process of washing up. The water from the tap had been running throughout and soon escaped the confines of the metallic sink and flowed onto the floor.

Whilst the husband had strength, he lacked balance and his feet begun to slip on the pool of soapy water that had formed beneath him.

He fell back taking Elena with him and they both crashed into the cooker. The husband attempted to regain his balance, grabbing at whatever he could.  His surprising strength caused him to rip at the cooker, exposing wires and the hissing sound of gas filled the room.

Free of her attacker Elena attempted to escape but found her journey slowed by the slipperiness of the tiled floor.  On hands and knees she crawled to what she hoped would be the safety of outdoors.

The bubbling water flowed defiantly towards the exposed electrical wiring as the husband managed to free himself from the temporary shackles of the cooker and in a similarly haphazard way begun his pursuit of Elena.

She managed to reach the expansive hallway and took a nervous look back. Elena saw the husband crawling towards her, his protruding penis scraping along the floor.  She turned, the knowledge of pursuit offering her a burst of speed.  She could see the front door…her safety and then…….

BOOM!!!!

A fireball swept through the house and sent the fleeing Elena through the front door.

She awoke face first on the neatly manicured front lawn.  Her ears rung and as she lifted her body from the ground she became immediately aware that every part of her hurt.

Gritting her teeth Elena lifted herself up and disoriented she looked on at the street where she lived, the street that once provided such security and comfort was now a war zone.

She rubbed her temples as she witnessed the bloody end of many of her neighbours as these things mercilessly ripped them apart.  She could not move at the sight of the sheer horror of this destruction.

Elena heard a noise from back inside the house and there she saw him.  The husband stalked through the charred hallway on his way towards her.  The flames emanating from his body did little to slow his journey.

Panicking she looked around and there she saw it – the car.  Despite every step causing significant pain she made her way towards it.  She did not look back but she could hear him….smell him. But the occupants of the car would help. They would be her salvation… wouldn’t they?

****

“Why do I have to go out there?” Lorna asked

“Because you know how to kill those things” Veronica offered.

Lorna looked out as this young stranger desperately tried to evade the lumbering clutches of what used to be a man….who was also on fire.

“So do you.  In fact you killed the last one” replied Lorna.

“Well there you go” Veronica said with a smile “It’s your turn.”

Still confused as to how a man can be on fire but still happily able to chase someone Lorna suggested “Maybe we should both go.”

“In case you’ve forgotten I’ve just witnessed my entire family and friends be slaughtered” Veronica replied “I’m still quite upset by that.”

Lorna sighed and gripped the door handle.  She wondered how many times Veronica was going to use that as an excuse.

“Fine…I’ll go” Lorna muttered as she opened the car door.

She immediately ran round to where Elena was and introduced herself “Hi I’m Lorna”

Elena responded very abruptly “What took you so long.”

Lorna was about to respond but the nearing presence of Elena’s flaming former employer alerted her to more pressing matters.  Instead she gave a reassuring “It’s okay.  I know what to do” which was probably more for her own benefit.

Poised on her knees she waited for the right moment.  Ignoring the shrieks of “What the fuck are you doing” from Elena she readied herself for what had to be done.  That’s when Lorna noted the problem.

“Hey…Veronica…Sweetie … There’s a problem” Lorna shouted.

Veronica cranked the car window down slightly and replied “What problem?”

“His cock is on fire”

“Blow it”

“I intend to but I need to put the flames out first…. Do you have any water?”

Veronica searched through the car and announced “No….I think you drunk the last of it.”

Lorna, acutely aware of the presence of the flaming man, turned to Elena and asked “I don’t suppose you have any water do you?”

“Why do you need water for?” queried Elena.

“I just need to put the fire out on his cock so I can put it in my mouth.”

Elena just stared at Lorna and was about to respond when Lorna shot her a look to indicate the urgency of her request.

Elena limped back to the house all the while confused by the request.  The blast had damaged a lot of the interior and water flowed from the kitchen.  Slipping and sliding she desperately searched for a receptacle for the liquid. She could hear Lorna shouting out

“Hurry!”

The erect inferno neared closer to Lorna as Elena searched through the scorched shell that was once the kitchen.

“Anytime now would be great”

In her haste Elena would lose her footing and a sharp reminder of her injuries would soar through her body.

“Quickly!”

He was closer and Lorna could feel the heat emanating from him.  Elena found a pan and begun to scoop water inside it.

“Fucking hurry up!”

Lorna would apologise later for her crude impatience but having got this far already she did not fancy being killed by a guy with a burning cock.

With as much speed as her injuries would allow Elena made her way back out the front.  She saw the husband so close to Lorna.  In desperation she flung the pan and water landed all over the flaming attacker.

Steam rose from his protruding penis and Lorna gave a few quick blows before taking it in her mouth.  Within moments Elena’s former employer lay dead on the floor, his head nothing more than a bloody pulp.

Elena had so many questions but as Lorna retched and puked on the floor she thought it best not to ask them straight away.

“Fuck..that tasted like burnt pork scratchings” Lorna exclaimed “Does anyone have a mint?”

“I think you had the last one” replied Veronica through the crack in the window.

With nothing further said about what had happened Lorna and Elena got into the car.

“Look” said Veronica “These things are all going in the same direction”

All three occupants watched as these lumbering powerhouses with their protruding penises all moved along the same path.

“Where do you think they are going?” asked Elena,

“Who cares” said Lorna as she started the car “If they are all going that way, then we are going the opposite way.”

When you learn to drive you are taught many things.  However, appropriate road etiquette during an apocalypse is not one of them.  Any rules of the road no longer exist and who has the right of way is something that does not need consideration.

It is the ignorance of driving in an apocalypse and the absence of any rules which caused the two cars to collide with each other.

The Needy Mule: Preview Of Headless by Banchitta & Ahmad

Well here is a first for my Needy Mule Comic Blog side of my website, I get to preview a comic book.

HEADLESS is written by Alex Banchitta with art by Robert Ahmad.

There is no date for release yet but this is certainly a comic you want to keep on your radar.

It’s a horror adventure set in a small town during the 1980s. A mysterious death prompts concerns that the demon Headless Horseman has returned.

The premise is certainly an interesting one and the first issue does well to set up the main players in this saga.

Perhaps at times the dialogue gets a bit heavy and in places could have done with it being more punchy. I can understand the need to cram as much into the first issue, especially for an independent publication that certainly needs the reader returning for that difficult second part.

And believe me the final panel will have you wanting more of this story.

Whilst I hate comparing stuff to established works, that does seem the way of the world for reviews nowadays. So, fans of Netflix’s Stranger Things or Image’s Paper Girls will definitely like the mood that develops throughout this issue.

The art is fantastic; the use of colours and stylised characters are very reminiscent of the late, great Darwyn Cooke; but you can also see influences from other artists such as Frank Miller and Cliff Chiang, which when mashed together has its own unique quality.

So, a strong first issue which sets up the rest of the story with the requisite amount of mystery and intrigue that bodes well for the rest of the series.

I would rate this 4 stars out of 5….Wait a star rating is so last year.

Ahem…. I rate this 6 Mules out of 7. That’s right, I have created a whole new system for assessing the quality of a comic book.

It’s my blog, I can do what I want!

Anyway keep a look out for Headless by Banchitta & Ahmad.

Until next time Mule fans.

The Movie Pitch Of Selina VIII : The Overlord Unicorned Squirrels From Mars : The Bowling Alley Attack!

The last part ended with Duprez rushing to the bowling alley in his Yugo.

To really ramp up the tension what we need to do is add a few scenes before Duprez gets the call of a squirrel disturbance.

In these scenes we will see a bunch of random people enjoying themselves at the Mother/Daughter bowling tournament. The mere fact we are paying attention to anybody here is a clear signpost that they are all going to die.

So we have the elderly mother and daughter couple. The daughter is 80 and the mother is 105 and they were at the very first Mother/Daughter bowling tournament; indeed they won it in 1972. Anyhow, they are going to be killed by squirrels.

Next you have a touching scene where a daughter tells her mother that she loves her very much. The mother holding a bowling ball turns and smiles, it’s a loving smile. Then a squirrel emerges from the bowling ball machine and pierces the mother’s head with its horn. Heartbreaking stuff.

We do of course need a loveable fat guy. I’m acutely aware there has been no loveable fat guy in this movie. Let’s change that by introducing Al. He works at the bowling place. Everybody loves Al.

Al tries to save everyone by grabbing the shot gun he keeps under his desk (no one has ever questioned why he has a gun at a bowling alley). Anyway he shoots a few squirrel bastards before ushering a number of patrons to safety into a store cupboard.

Locking the door he turns to utter the words ‘We’ll be safe in here’, right before numerous squirrel horns shoot through the wooden door and spear him to death.

Poor Al. He only had a few days left to retire before he can devote more time to that orphanage he was building.

As we know Duprez’s ex wife and daughter are at the bowling alley. Also there is Derek. You remember Derek, right? Loyal , loving Derek who has provided a stable home to Duprez’s ex wife and daughter.

Now he could be at home watching sports or be out with the boys drinking. Yet he has chosen to pop along to the bowling alley to support the love of his life. What a nice guy. Yet you’re still not going to give a shit when he dies.

But how are Duprez’s ex wife and daughter fairing in this squirrel onslaught? Surprisingly well.

Whilst others run for their lives they have the wherewithal to knock out a few squirrel bastards with hefty swings of a bowling ball.

Yep. Poor Al couldn’t see those squirrels off with a shotgun but a forty year old mother and her teenage daughter can get the job done with a bowling ball (a 12 pound one if you’re interested).

Strangely, the squirrels had been launching at people with pinpoint accuracy yet when it comes to Duprez’s ex wife and daughter they keep on missing.

Finally, Duprez enters the bowling alley. Despite agreeing to protect the entire town he’s more concerned with the welfare of his ex wife and daughter. No one seems to care much about that and are happy another guy has turned up with a gun (the other gun owner, Al, is presently hanging from the door like a macabre pin the tail on the donkey).

Duprez’s ex wife and daughter are both very happy to see Duprez. This proves that even if you are an absolute dick if you try to save someone during a squirrel apocalypse that’ll make you an okay guy.

However , these squirrels are cunning bastards. They circle around Duprez, his ex wife and daughter. This is strange because they could just all launch at them, giving them zero chance of survival. But now they are doing this stalking thing…..it’s for dramatic effect.

Duprez and co are in danger. Can anyone save them? Well Bland (remember him? No didn’t think so) tries to help. He got the call to assist and left his pregnant girlfriend at home. She told him to come back in one piece. He promised. The squirrels rip him in two. Therefore, not only did Bland not do very well at saving anyone, he lied to his pregnant girlfriend.

The squirrels approach the trapped Duprez family. He’s out of bullets. The ex wife has thrown the bowling ball (her motive remains unclear).

Unarmed. No where to go. Who will save them?

Derek. That’s who . Derek will save them.

He jumps in between them and waves a pole at the squirrels. Turning back he tells the previously trapped Duprez clan to run.

Now Duprez ought to be saying ‘No Derek I am employed to look after all residents including you. You go’

But he doesn’t. He grabs his ex wife and daughter and runs out of the bowling alley while Derek bravely fends off the squirrels.

The ex wife looks back to see the squirrels pounce on Derek. She screams and Duprez pulls her to the car saying there is nothing that can be done for him (you didn’t really try Duprez).

Poor Derek. Died saving the woman he loves….. You still don’t give a shit he’s dead.

They reach Duprez’s Yugo and get inside but they are not alone. Squirrels surround the car. A few take a shot at the vehicle piercing the metal. There is no escape. A violent and bloody death is inevitable.

Then suddenly they stop. The squirrels stand on their hind legs… something is calling them, but what?

They all begin to run away. Where are they going? Duprez wants to find out and decides that his ex wife and daughter are safer with him following every single one of the killer Unicorned Squirrels than maybe back at the police station or somewhere.

Soon Duprez realises where the squirrels are heading…. The Secret Astrological Research Centre.

But why?

All will be revealed.

Thought I would have finished by now. Never! Up next is the curiously named Portal

The Movie Pitch Of Selina VII : The Overlord Unicorned Squirrels From Mars : The Thickening Of The Plot

We head towards the final act. Melissa has brought a dead Unicorned Squirrel to Duprez, declaring that it is an alien species. Now, Duprez in his flawed but brilliant way, is having none of it.

Forgetting he has zero qualifications to even attempt a conversation about alien species, he’s straight up in there suggesting Melissa is crazy for saying it.

Then she shows him the green blood that is oozing from the temple of the Unicorned Squirrel (which occurred when Melissa repeatedly bashed its head in with a metal tray).

Even Duprez knows that green blood can mean only one thing….Alien; well that or you really need to be seeing a Doctor.

Duprez is now all happy to accept its an alien species (not that he really had any justification for disputing that in the first place) and he wants to know more.

Despite the very intelligent Melissa pointing out it was alien, Duprez decides someone else needs to provide more information, so it’s off to the Secret Astrological Research Centre.

Yes, I know it’s meant to be secret but it’s a small town and half the residents work there. Plus there is a whopping great telescope sticking out the roof.

Duprez and Melissa leave the Police station , pushing past the crazy homeless guy still banging on about someone coming, and drive to the Secret Astrological Research Centre.

Despite it being a top secret facility owned by the Government which clearly Duprez does not have clearance for he just storms straight in because Duprez don’t give a shit. Strangely, the people paid to actually stop anyone walking in to a top secret facility don’t really put much effort into stopping him.

Inside he meets Sophie and slams the dead Unicorned Squirrel on a table. WHAM! Just like he couldn’t care less about showing a member of the public photos of decapitated bodies, he’s just waving around dead alien corpses for all to see.

“We think it’s an alien” says Duprez, conveniently ignoring the fact that about ten minutes ago he was ready to have Melissa certified for suggesting such a thing.

Sophie begins to examine the squirrel corpse saying things like ‘interesting’, ‘curious’ and ‘I wonder’ (Like with the science stuff I haven’t got the alien bits all sorted yet but these vague sentiments will be enough to make the viewer think that some mysterious shit is going on).

They are interrupted by Professor Schrinkle. He’s being all creepy and when advised by Duprez of the alien species he offers to help in anyway he can. Schrinkle doesn’t mean it because he is a creepy lying bastard.

It is agreed that Sophie would perform an autopsy on the alien squirrel because that is apparently what Astrological physicists do. Melissa agrees to stay and help and promises to let Duprez know as soon as they find anything out.

Working into the night Sophie and Melissa start talking, it will be a great way to fill in some back story without taking up much time.

Having only just met these girls are not shy of over sharing. Sophie tells Melissa about her dad who was an astronaut that went missing on a one man mission to Mars. She explains how it destroyed the family and left her with a numb feeling of emptiness all her life.

Melissa tells Sophie she is a lesbian.

They then have sex.

Hot, naked lesbian sex.

Putting aside the appropriateness of having sex in a place of work , especially one where you are about to cut open an alien squirrel, there should be nothing wrong with two women expressing their desire for each other.

Love is love and this should be seen as the most natural thing ever.

However, from the point of view of getting people to watch the movie, a hot lesbian sex scene should see it ripped and posted on a website like Pornhub.

A number of guys eager to knock one our before their wife comes home or mum calls them for dinner will watch it. They will then assume that Overlord Unicorned Squirrels is full of hot sex.

They will of course find out that it just has a pair of male writhing buttocks at the start, a solo shower scene and a bit of lesbian sex. But we won’t care because they would have paid their money.

It’s not as if someone is going to post a review on Rotten Tomatoes saying ‘Can only jerk off one and a half times to this ‘.

Anyway, Melissa and Sophie have sex featuring saxophone music, heavy breathing and the sound of a mechanical arm going back and forth.

Melissa awakes from the post-coitus slumber and wraps a sheet round her. Despite not giving a shit about the alien squirrel when she was all horny now that she has had a few orgasms she decides to take a look….. But it’s gone!

She alerts Sophie to the absence of the previously dead alien Unicorned Squirrel. Where could it be?

Back in town, Duprez is just driving around in his Yugo when he gets a call on the radio. There are multiple reports of a disturbance at the bowling alley. Reports of rodents…with horns.

“Shit!” Duprez says performing a handbrake turn in his Yugo “It’s Thursday night. That’s the Mother and Daughter Bowling Tournament Night. I got to get there”

Don’t miss the action packed next episode

The Movie Pitch Of Selina VI : The Overlord Unicorned Squirrels From Mars : Revelations

We enter the second act with important scenes exploring the emotional complexity of the characters interspersed with many Unicorned Squirrel based deaths.

Duprez goes to visit his teenage daughter and is immediately faced with hostility from his ex-wife. She clearly did not appreciate that he is brilliant but flawed.

She has found stability with Derek but it’s important that the viewer has absolutely no respect for Derek.

Sure, he’s reliable, loyal and has provided a safe and peaceful haven for Duprez’s ex wife and daughter. He’s been able to remove them from a chaotic life that ultimately would have seen them spiral into a pit of depression.

He’s stepped up and provided a stable home; giving them all the love he can.

But, fuck you Derek, you’re so boring. When Duprez acts like a dick towards Derek, we won’t care. There’s never been a super hero called Mr Dependable. Batman never became a vigilante because he was tortured by which rubbish bin was being collected that week.

And no-one is going to give a shit when Derek gets brutally murdered by a Unicorned Squirrel.

Duprez wouldn’t have got killed – you loser.

We cut to a scene of a sweet old lady walking her dogs in a park. She lets them off the leash and they run towards the trees. There is rustling of leaves and a high pitched yelp.

The old lady calls out for her dogs. They don’t come. Concerned she walks amongst the trees and there she sees the mutilated corpses of her beloved pets.

With tears in her eyes she looks up at the tree and we see a Unicorned Squirrel pounce down on top of her.

Poor old lady. A retired nurse who, when her husband of forty years died , dedicated her life to a variety of charitable causes. Her five children, ten grandchildren and two great grandchildren are going to be devastated when they learn of her gruesome death. But you’re more upset the dogs died, right?

Duprez arrives at the scene, abandoning his theory that an animal is responsible, he now believes this is the work of a sadistic serial killer.

He examines the bloody consequence of the attack and speaks for the viewer when he exclaims “What sick bastard would do this to a dog?”

Some pointless dialogue and unnecessary explanations will follow from Bland and the Pathologist.

We move back to the Secret Astrological Research Centre where Sophie is getting nearer to solving the puzzle as to what happened to her Father.

We will know this by her exclamations of ‘Strange’ and ‘That’s not possible’. We won’t no exactly what is strange or indeed what isn’t possible. I’d like to say it’s to add a bit of mystery but to be honest I haven’t sorted out all the science stuff just yet.

But this scene is all about Sophie being curious, especially about that strange mechanical sound she hears whenever she turns her back on Professor Schrinkle.

Back to the action now as we cut to an amorous couple; a cheerleader and a football player about to indulge in some carnal pleasure in the woods.

She kneels down ready to perform some expert oral action. The guy throws his head back with pleasure and when he opens his eyes staring back at him is a Unicorned Squirrel, whom piledrives him in the skull.

Blood spurts everywhere which rains down upon the screaming cheerleader who tries to run away before she is also brutally murdered.

Duprez attends concerned about the escalation in murders. He wants to catch who has done this because Duprez gets results.

We quickly move back to the zoo and Melissa is doing zoo like stuff (just in case anyone has forgotten she is a zoologist….although the khaki shorts and the giraffe in the background should be enough).

An evil lurks in the zoo and from the point of view of a bastard squirrel we see it creeping up on Melissa ready to pounce.

Is this the end for poor Melissa? Could this movie be about to get its first meaningful death?

Despite the Unicorned Squirrels being pretty deadly and accurate thus far, for reasons no-one can explain or indeed care about, this particular squirrel misses Melissa as it lunges for her.

What follows is a dramatic and tense chase round the grounds of the zoo. The squirrel bastard relentless in its pursuit. Melissa hides in a room, out of breath..scared. Just when she thinks it is safe…..BAM… A horn pierces the wall.

She screams and tries to runs away but she’s trapped. All she can do is helplessly watch as the squirrel burrows through the concrete. It’s demonic red eyes and gnarling teeth are clearly visible.

She backs into the corner of the wall but the squirrel has its prey just where it wants it. It bares it’s teeth and launches itself towards her.

Then…..BANG….Melissa hits the squirrel with a conveniently placed metal tray. The squirrel is knocked unconscious and then, for good measure, she repeatedly stamps on the fucker.

Back at the Police Station, Duprez is staring thoughtfully at the Evidence Wall. He mumbles that he is ‘missing something’ , but what?

Outside there is a screech of tyres and in walks Melissa holding a bag, her top has conveniently , yet somewhat inexplicably , been ripped in the squirrel attack to show off more flesh.

She tips up the bag and the now dead (and somewhat stamped on) Unicorned Squirrel falls onto the table.

“Here’s your killer!” she pronounces.

Duprez, brilliant as always, enquires what type of animal this.

Breathlessly Melissa responds “This is not any species I know. This is alien.”

And with that revelation we move towards the Final Act!

Yep it’s still going on! Next part Here

The Apocalypse of Selina 

This is the original blog preview of Fell8 – You can read all the parts so far on Wattpad

No blog about my life this week. Sorry to leave you all in the darkness of my mind but I hope to continue the story real soon.
There have been a couple of reasons why it’s not possible to introduce you to the mysterious Keith.

Firstly, despite the fact I keep forgetting I do lead a normal life with a normal job. Quite unreasonably they expected me to actually do the tasks they pay me for.

Secondly I have been working on my first bit of fiction. Well that’s not strictly true, I have a whole book of ideas and half written stories.

This particular story was born out of various crazy twitter conversations I have with some brilliant erotica writers.  Mundane chats turn smutty and by the end of the thread I don’t think anyone remembers what we were actually talking about.

So that’s how Fell8 was born. A crazy idea of an apocalyptic world where eight women take a rather curious approach to stopping the brain dead monsters who roam the desolate streets.

It’s very much a work in progress and will be available on Wattpad.  The story fits in with my style of writing – that pulp fiction / Grindhouse sort of vibe.

Anyway as I didn’t want to leave you with no blog this week. A sneak preview of Fell8 — The Part Before The Start

                          Lorna

Lorna stared out of the window and watched the rain drops collect on the windscreen. She liked how an individual drop would land on the glass and slowly slide downwards, gathering pace whilst collecting others on its journey.

The car radio was on but she was barely paying attention, this particular station had stopped playing any songs ages ago instead opting to have overly excitable reports about the Premiere of a new movie that was happening in London later.

She used her sleeve to wipe the condensation from the window and through the rain soaked screen she could just make out a couple holding hands, pausing briefly to share a kiss.

Lorna allowed herself to daydream, squinting her eyes through the blur so she could just make out the romantic couple.  The female had blonde hair and was in her late twenties just like Lorna . It was clear from the way the male companion held her that they were madly in love.

Lorna sighed. Maybe one day she would find someone special, that person who adored her for ever more. She was pretty enough but as she watched the male protectively shield his lover from the rain she knew deep down that she would never get to experience such devotion.

She had made too many questionable decisions to ever be worthy of such a life. Lorna closed her eyes tight, turning her head away from the amorous couple.

When she opened them again she was presented with his gormless, smiley face. The momentary daydream of the life not lived had made her almost forget about him.

She followed his eyes down towards his lap where he eagerly stroked his penis. Lorna allowed herself one last look back at the couple before lowering herself towards his lap.

Hoshi

Hoshi swore if one more guy dare touched her arse she would do some damage.

Can’t a tall, attractive Japanese female in her thirties wear a skin tight outfit that accentuates every curve without having guys pawing all over her? The answer should be yes but the reality was very different.

She was an experienced cosplayer and knew what to expect. Perhaps she was just jet lagged from her flight over to London and therefore a little over sensitive.

Stop moaning Hoshi and just enjoy yourself.

Hoshi concluded the amount of attention she was receiving was due to her choice of outfit.  She had gone all out and designed a very tight fitting version of a uniform worn by a character in an upcoming Sci-fi movie. Skin tight royal blue latex with a section cut out at the front to show off her ample cleavage.

The movie was only getting it’s Premiere tonight yet already the hype was unreal, destined to break every box office record.  It had been Hoshi’s intention to go straight from the convention to where the Premiere was being held, but the crowds… there would be touching.. endless touching.

Hoshi turned to leave the convention and decided instead to just go back to the hotel. As she began to walk she noticed a cute guy had been staring at her. She dropped her purse and slowly bent over to pick it up.

Just one more look then before I go.

Veronica

She ran her slender fingers along the length of her white nylon clad leg. She loved the feel of the bridal lingerie and would be sad to take it off as it would signal the end of her magical day where all eyes had been on her.

Veronica looked in the mirror and adjusted her tiara, she felt just like a princess. She smiled as she looked round the honeymoon suite of the Country Club that had been the venue for her dream day.

She never wanted it to end, wanted to savour every moment.

Everyone, including her gorgeous husband, was down stairs waiting for her to take his hand and glide to the dance floor for this fairytale to continue.

She tidied her long brunette hair and touched up her make-up. Her attention was drawn from the reflection of her pretty face to the man who entered the room; tall, dark and so incredibly handsome.

She could see the unmistakable outline of his impressive manhood as he strode towards her. She smiled. She had meant every word she had said to Richard when they exchanged vows. She would remain loyal, dutiful and be the perfect wife. But he need not know about this stranger in her room.

Her and Richard would have the rest of their lives but she just wanted that little bit more attention. After all, it was her day.

Elena

Elena stood at the sink, her hands deep in a bowl of soapy water. She could sense him behind her.

She knew that as soon as his wife had left to go and host some outside broadcast for a World Premiere that was happening that he would not hesitate to take advantage of being alone with her.

Elena could hear the incessant sound of some children’s television show playing in the other room.

That’s the child entertained now for his.

They would do it in the kitchen. He would have her wherever the mood took him but never in the bedroom. He would be quick, no doubt just slip in from behind and it will be over before she has had a chance to dry the soap from her hands.

She would put up no protest, just submit herself to his horny whim. He would not say a word to her afterwards, clearly racked with guilt. The only thing he ever said was to remind Elena not to tell his wife.

She never would say anything, Elena needed this job. She had been in England for only a few years, arriving from Romania barely out of her teens.

Here she was living in a three million pound house in the poshest part of London, why would she ruin that. Other girls like her had fallen into becoming an Escort to make ends meet. All she had to do was just allow him to use her everyone once in and while.

Her short dark hair stood on end as she felt his breath on the nape of her neck.

Taylor

Taylor stared at her shapely buttocks in the mirror.  Talk about being typecast, a girl from Georgia dressed in low cut tight jean shorts, checked shirt tied up at the waist, all finished off with boots and a hat.

She would certainly stick out in the crowd, the majority of which were in their finest tuxedos and ball gowns.

It had been the idea of the producers that the more minor characters should come to the Premiere dressed in their movie costume. She played the sassy bartender, she wouldn’t have minded so much but it was nearly winter in London and had been raining all day.

Jeezdoes the sun ever shine in this country.

Taylor unbuttoned the top of her shirt so that her plentiful bosoms clearly showed.  She was only in the movie for a brief moment but she did get to say one line;

“Y’all best leave this mess to me” she repeated back to her reflection before smiling, her long blonde hair perfectly framing her dazzling white teeth.

There would be a lot of important people here tonight. Her agent told her this movie was going to be huge, the most successful in history… And she was in it.

Tonight was her opportunity to make it big. No more waiting tables, this was it.

You’re gonna be a star.

She leaned and kissed the mirror leaving a perfect red lip stick mark. Giggling to herself she could hear the sound of heavy breathing coming from one of the cubicles, that unmistakable sound of passion.

Well looks like someone is starting this party early.

Merci

“Quick! Help me” Merci screamed to a stage hand as she struggled to wriggle into a 12 inch strap on.

It was her big finish, one she had performed countless times in her twenty years with her band Merci and the Masturbators.

As the final long deafening chords to their crowd favourite Life is just a dildo played she would emerge on stage stroking her large plastic dong. A big ‘fuck you’ to everything, to everyone.

The crowd would go wild as she, with her blue hair sparkling in the spotlights and her tongue firmly stuck out, bent over and stroked it furiously.

She had noticed the crowd was slightly smaller tonight which was probably on account of the big Premiere happening down the road. Everyone wanting to get a glimpse of the big star, Miss Carmel Ash.

But here in this small hall she was the star. So fuck you Carmel Ash, fuck you music producers who thought her music was too edgy, fuck you organisers who wouldn’t let her drink from the bar for free. Fuck you all.

Angie

Beads of sweat ran down her perfectly smooth ebony face as she raced down the stairs.

Stumbling on the last step, Angie Raines cursed herself for choosing to wear heels. But how was she supposed to know that today would require her to run for her life.  She would have worn more suitable footwear.

It should have been a normal day working in the lab of Harmony Pharmaceuticals. Nothing during her dull commute to work, her normal purchase of a Toffee Latte and the usual fumbling for her security pass ought to have told her that today she would be running for her life. Hell, even the security guard gave her his normal jovial morning greeting.

Should she have realised what was about to happen sooner? Could she have warned everyone so it could all be stopped? These thoughts dominated her mind as she clumsily made her way down the stone steps.

Why had she not said anything? About 27 minutes earlier when she made the discovery it had all been so obvious. The true purpose staring right back at her.  Despite having multiple qualifications and being top in her field of genetics she had been too stupid to see what was happening.

No, it wasn’t stupidity. It was fear. She knew what they were intending but did not say anything. She feared losing her job, her career, to be pilloried by her peers. Being black and female had made it hard enough to advance in this career. She couldn’t risk it all by making wild accusations.  But the proof had been right there!

She let out a screech of pain as her ankle turned over misjudging the final step.  She deserved that for the role she has played in all this.

She ran as fast as she could to her car.  The underground car park was quiet, the only sound was the clip clopping of her heels.  This was soon accompanied by the sound of other footsteps, more heavier ones.

They know.

She tried to increase her pace but every quick step caused flashes of pain to shoot up her leg.  Maybe she should just give up. Let them do whatever they intended. It’s too late anyway.

She stopped turning to look at her pursuers as they gained ground on her quickly.

No. There is always a chance.

Kicking off her heels she made one last desperate stride towards her car.

Wendy

Everything was horrid!

Wendy L’Amour leaned against the wall drinking what must have been her third glass of wine in as many minutes.

This ought to have been her proudest moment. Her novel, the one she spent years tirelessly writing was being brought to life on the big screen.  Millions more people will finally get to experience her epic story; yet the reality was this had become her worst nightmare.

Six years of her life had been poured into this book. Sleepless nights revising and editing to create her opus – The Fell. It was an intergalactic love story about an androgynous alien species  (The Fell) who, although incapable of love, fall for the earthly charms of a human.

It was a beautiful story. Every moment of the book perfectly choreographed to evoke the intended emotional response from the reader. Wendy had been particularly proud of a 25 page love scene – no mean feat considering The Fell did not possess genitalia.

She emptied her glass and let out a groan as she recalled that moment she sold her soul to the Devil.  In this instance, her soul was the rights to her book and The Devil was one Miss Carmel Ash.

She should have just refused. The book was selling well but perhaps giddy with her 4.6 out of 5 rating she had wanted more.

Her relationship with Carmel Ash started pretty badly and very quickly got worse.  Wendy recalled their first meeting where Carmel just sat there, her eyes covered by sunglasses, expressionless.

The bitch never smiles.

It was Carmel’s assistant that did all the talking; he was a weasly looking man who Wendy disliked. No sooner had the ink dried on the contract all the promises made went out the window. She wouldn’t be writing the screenplay, instead some arrogant upstart got that job and he changed everything.

By the time that little shit had finished with it her beautiful story was unrecognisable. Gone was the idea of love transcending everything and instead The Fell has been turned into horny little aliens.

The conflict was no longer internal, metaphors of the struggles with one’s identity and the expectation of society, it was now an actual fucking space war.

Wendy was distracted from her self loathing by a very attractive, leggy blonde in jean hot pants walked past en route to the bathroom.

And what has a fucking cowgirl got anything to do with it!

She would have continued with this internal rebuke but the lights went out. A dazzling light display accompanied by some  enthusiastic drumming signalled the arrival of the woman responsible for Wendy’s rage.

Carmel Ash dressed in a futuristic silver outfit walked up to the podium; her image portrayed on a big screen above her. The crowd cheered her arrival as the fit-inducing light show went into overdrive.

In a painfully stage managed way, she lifted her manicured hands above her head and brought them crashing down on an oversized red button in front of her.

The lights disappeared leaving everyone in darkness, the only illumination were the faint glow of hundreds of smart phones suddenly being thrust up into the air. The drums stopped and there was silence save for a few whoops and cheers amongst the assembled crowd.

Then emblazoned in the night sky of London a countdown appeared.

10

The crowd excitably begun to cheer and completely out of sinc joined in the countdown

9

Wendy looked up at the large numbers which seemed to signal the countdown to confirmation of the dissolution of her soul.

8

Angie screamed as her car failed to start.  Every day for five years it had started perfectly. Only when she is about to be killed by a number of unknown assailants does it decide to play up.

7

Merci stroked her giant strap on while mouthing ‘fuck you’.  This would normally rile them up but tonight they seemed more agitated.

You still got it, girl!

6

Taylor was about to leave the restroom when she heard a moan followed by a loud thud.

“Hey” she called out “You guys okay in there?”

There was no response and concerned she walked towards the cubicle.

5

Elena felt him pressed up against her. He seemed more aroused than he had ever been. His hands reaching round her, gripping her tight. This was going to be rough.

He seemed angry.

4

Veronica’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped as her dark stranger walked towards her.  He was virtually bursting through his trousers.

She was sure that was lust he had in her eyes.

3

Hoshi felt his hands grip her buttocks.

“Hey! Look but don’t touch” she exclaimed.

But the owner of these wandering hands gripped tighter. The momentum caused her to fall to the ground with the mysterious groper on top of her.

2

With her mouth full all Lorna could think was she wished he’d shut up.  His deep breathing and low moans were starting to become an annoyance. She felt like stopping to enquire if he was asthmatic.

She felt his hand on the back of her head as he gripped her hair tight.  Really tight.

1

The crowd were too preoccupied with the countdown to notice what was going on.

Carmel Ash just stood there, her eyes transfixed, a smile appearing on her lips.

The bitch never smiles

0

The world was about to turn to shit.

If you fancy another short horror story then click here