We enter the second act with important scenes exploring the emotional complexity of the characters interspersed with many Unicorned Squirrel based deaths.
Duprez goes to visit his teenage daughter and is immediately faced with hostility from his ex-wife. She clearly did not appreciate that he is brilliant but flawed.
She has found stability with Derek but it’s important that the viewer has absolutely no respect for Derek.
Sure, he’s reliable, loyal and has provided a safe and peaceful haven for Duprez’s ex wife and daughter. He’s been able to remove them from a chaotic life that ultimately would have seen them spiral into a pit of depression.
He’s stepped up and provided a stable home; giving them all the love he can.
But, fuck you Derek, you’re so boring. When Duprez acts like a dick towards Derek, we won’t care. There’s never been a super hero called Mr Dependable. Batman never became a vigilante because he was tortured by which rubbish bin was being collected that week.
And no-one is going to give a shit when Derek gets brutally murdered by a Unicorned Squirrel.
Duprez wouldn’t have got killed – you loser.
We cut to a scene of a sweet old lady walking her dogs in a park. She lets them off the leash and they run towards the trees. There is rustling of leaves and a high pitched yelp.
The old lady calls out for her dogs. They don’t come. Concerned she walks amongst the trees and there she sees the mutilated corpses of her beloved pets.
With tears in her eyes she looks up at the tree and we see a Unicorned Squirrel pounce down on top of her.
Poor old lady. A retired nurse who, when her husband of forty years died , dedicated her life to a variety of charitable causes. Her five children, ten grandchildren and two great grandchildren are going to be devastated when they learn of her gruesome death. But you’re more upset the dogs died, right?
Duprez arrives at the scene, abandoning his theory that an animal is responsible, he now believes this is the work of a sadistic serial killer.
He examines the bloody consequence of the attack and speaks for the viewer when he exclaims “What sick bastard would do this to a dog?”
Some pointless dialogue and unnecessary explanations will follow from Bland and the Pathologist.
We move back to the Secret Astrological Research Centre where Sophie is getting nearer to solving the puzzle as to what happened to her Father.
We will know this by her exclamations of ‘Strange’ and ‘That’s not possible’. We won’t no exactly what is strange or indeed what isn’t possible. I’d like to say it’s to add a bit of mystery but to be honest I haven’t sorted out all the science stuff just yet.
But this scene is all about Sophie being curious, especially about that strange mechanical sound she hears whenever she turns her back on Professor Schrinkle.
Back to the action now as we cut to an amorous couple; a cheerleader and a football player about to indulge in some carnal pleasure in the woods.
She kneels down ready to perform some expert oral action. The guy throws his head back with pleasure and when he opens his eyes staring back at him is a Unicorned Squirrel, whom piledrives him in the skull.
Blood spurts everywhere which rains down upon the screaming cheerleader who tries to run away before she is also brutally murdered.
Duprez attends concerned about the escalation in murders. He wants to catch who has done this because Duprez gets results.
We quickly move back to the zoo and Melissa is doing zoo like stuff (just in case anyone has forgotten she is a zoologist….although the khaki shorts and the giraffe in the background should be enough).
An evil lurks in the zoo and from the point of view of a bastard squirrel we see it creeping up on Melissa ready to pounce.
Is this the end for poor Melissa? Could this movie be about to get its first meaningful death?
Despite the Unicorned Squirrels being pretty deadly and accurate thus far, for reasons no-one can explain or indeed care about, this particular squirrel misses Melissa as it lunges for her.
What follows is a dramatic and tense chase round the grounds of the zoo. The squirrel bastard relentless in its pursuit. Melissa hides in a room, out of breath..scared. Just when she thinks it is safe…..BAM… A horn pierces the wall.
She screams and tries to runs away but she’s trapped. All she can do is helplessly watch as the squirrel burrows through the concrete. It’s demonic red eyes and gnarling teeth are clearly visible.
She backs into the corner of the wall but the squirrel has its prey just where it wants it. It bares it’s teeth and launches itself towards her.
Then…..BANG….Melissa hits the squirrel with a conveniently placed metal tray. The squirrel is knocked unconscious and then, for good measure, she repeatedly stamps on the fucker.
Back at the Police Station, Duprez is staring thoughtfully at the Evidence Wall. He mumbles that he is ‘missing something’ , but what?
Outside there is a screech of tyres and in walks Melissa holding a bag, her top has conveniently , yet somewhat inexplicably , been ripped in the squirrel attack to show off more flesh.
She tips up the bag and the now dead (and somewhat stamped on) Unicorned Squirrel falls onto the table.
“Here’s your killer!” she pronounces.
Duprez, brilliant as always, enquires what type of animal this.
Breathlessly Melissa responds “This is not any species I know. This is alien.”
And with that revelation we move towards the Final Act!
Yep it’s still going on! Next part Here