“Fuck me, what you done to your hair”
“Hi Dad” I smiled as he gave me one of his big bear hugs followed by a kiss on the head.
He took me by my shoulders and led me into the lounge “Here she is! Our clever girl” he said as I was greeted by some unenthusiastic cheers from my brothers. Also present was my Uncle Joe and some bloke I had never seen before; there was always someone in our house that no-one seemed to want to claim ownership of!
“I haven’t got my results yet, Dad. I may not have passed” I said, a little embarrassed by the attention.
“Rubbish! You’ve done well. You have the brains that they forgot to give to these numpties” he scoffed, gesturing to my brothers who were sitting on the sofa.
This prompted them to say ‘Hey clever girl get us a beer’ and ‘Hey Selina if you are so clever cook us some lunch’. Being the youngest I was always on the receiving end of their teasing. We would argue and fight; indeed to an outsider it would seem that we hated each other. The truth was we loved each other very much.
“What the fucking hell have you wankers done to my room” I screamed down the stairs.
“Oh yeh” said my older brother “Dad wanted to watch the snooker so we moved all the game consoles up to your room… It’s now a gaming room”
“Where the fuck is my stuff?”
“Calm down it is in a lock up. Go get it if you want” he replied with a smile.
But I never went and collected my stuff. I knew my time back home would be brief. The plan I had set in motion did not include remaining in the East End. I felt a little bit ashamed when I thought like this; as if in some way I was betraying my roots by not wanting to be here anymore.
I feared that when I would come and visit my Dad people would say ‘Look there goes the girl who thought she was too good for us.” But it wasn’t like that and besides no-one would say that – East End people are good people.
I will always look back at my time there with pride. My Dad raised all of us on his own, he worked long hours although none of us are sure exactly what he did and perhaps it’s best not to know! He instilled in us a great worth ethic and encouraged all of us to better ourselves, to achieve our goals and dreams. Above all, he did this all with love – a lot of love.
My past is firmly in the East End of London but that is not where my future was to be. As my Dad confidently predicted I obtained my degree and with it a decent job quickly followed. Within less than a year I was ready to leave home and start my new life.
Before I officially left I took one last walk along the streets where I had been raised. It was ridiculously over-sentimental as I was only moving to a different part of London and would be returning to visit my Dad regularly. It was more a symbolic stroll to signal I was moving on.
My walk took me to our local pub where numerous celebrations and commiserations had been toasted. It seemed fitting that I should pop in and have a final drink – until I’m back the following weekend!
When I walked in there were about fifteen or so people dotted about the place – guaranteed they all knew my Dad. I sat at the bar and ordered a wine.
“Hey Selina? Is that you?”
I turned to acknowledge the voice and saw Lewis. He was an attractive boy I had gone to school with. He had light brown skin having been the perfect fusion of a beautiful African lady and a white gentleman.
We lived on the same street and therefore used to walk to school together. We would talk about the latest comics, video games or movies. He seemed impressed with my knowledge on these; aside from the fact they are not exclusive to just boys, living with three brothers it is unsurprising these would also become my main interests.
If Lewis had any romantic interest in me he never showed it; we never held hands and he was never my first kiss. There were two reasons for this, I was not really interested in boys at that age and in any event the Queen Bitch of the school, Lucy, had already got her claws into him.
As the self-proclaimed prettiest girl in the school she had secured herself the most handsome boy in the school who was Lewis. Lucy surrounded herself with a group of like-minded bitches, always significantly less attractive than her. The group would engage in the normal bullying and humiliation of other pupils.
I kept myself to myself. I had no interest in playground politics. I just wanted to put my head down and get through school with qualifications. However, I had found myself on Lucy’s radar because of my friendship with Lewis.
She confronted me one day just as lunchtime was ending. As I made my way to my next class the group emerged and surrounded me.
“What you fucking doing with my boyfriend” said Lucy, angrily getting up into my face.
I ignored her and tried to walk on but she pulled me back by the shoulder.
“Don’t fucking ignore me you bitch” she screamed.
“We’re just friends Lucy” I said and went to walk away but two of the fatter girls in her group blocked my way.
“Get your own fucking boyfriend you whore” she responded before pushing me.
I ignored her once more trying again to walk away but they persisted. First it was the pushing, then they were spitting and then slapping me; punctuating each slap with the word ‘Slut’.
I did not want any trouble and once again tried to escape the spitting and slapping. One of the girls grabbed my backpack and handed it to Lucy who opened it up and spilled all the contents on the floor.
I got to my knees and begun to pick my stuff up all the while the slapping and name calling continued. I ignored their taunts of ‘Slut’ as I gathered my bits together. My willingness to avoid trouble kept me from lashing out. But, here’s the thing, everyone – and I mean everyone – has a breaking point.
I knew I could beat them. My Grandfather was an amateur boxer and had taught me to fight but my ability to throw a punch was at odds with my desire to avoid trouble.
Lucy bent down and picked up my purse and saw the dog-eared photo of my mother holding me as a baby.
“Who’s that?” she asked “Looks like a slut just like you” she taunted.
And there it is………..Snaaaaappppp!
I rose from my feet and face to face with Lucy I swung at her. There was a sickening sound as my fist connected with her nose. She let out a cry and fell to the floor. But I was not finished – I was angry. I was overcome with rage.
I climbed on top of her and began to pummel away at her face with my fists. Her gang were offering no resistance, their loyalty tested by their own sense of self-preservation. There was no willingness to risk their own safety at the hands of this feral girl beating their leader.
Lucy tried to block my onslaught but my punches were getting through. It took two teachers to come and prise me off her. They dragged me to the Head’s Office still screaming, my arms and legs flailing.
I sat outside the Head Teacher’s Office awaiting my fate; my face contorted into an expression of sheer hatred. This did not diminish until my Dad arrived. He put his hand on my shoulders and I cried.
“I’m sorry Dad” I said tearfully “But she said something about Mum”
He took my hands which were bruised and sore and smiled “You have nothing to be sorry for but be careful otherwise you will end up with hands like your old man”.
Such was the ferocity of my assault on Lucy that the Head Teacher wanted to exclude me permanently from the school. However, a kind word from my English Teacher reduced this to one month suspension and a letter of apology to Lucy.
Sorry I broke your stupid fucking ugly nose.
That month was spent keeping up with my studies or helping my Uncle Joe out on his stall. I also reflected on what happened; I had lost control and it frightened me. I resolved to keep check of my emotions but in making that declaration what I really was doing was just throwing all my anger, frustration, upset to the back of my mind.
On the surface this meant I was calm and happy but bubbling underneath was this concoction of negative emotions. This is where Horny Lina emerged from her. She is too raw to have come from my hopes, dreams and fantasies. Her hunger was more primordial. As she grew she would absorb the negativity and release it in the only way she knew how.
“Hey Lewis!” I replied “You still with wonky nose?”
He laughed taking a seat next to me “Nah! We split up a while back. Can I get you a drink?”
I accepted his offer and we spent the evening chatting about the latest pop culture and reminiscing about school. Lewis even attempted some casual flirting by often referencing the fact he wished he had asked me out instead of Lucy.
The evening went on and despite his sheer handsomeness he was nervously trying to find the right words to indicate he was attracted to me. I teased him by playing dumb so he became more uncomfortable in his attempts.
I finished my drink and Lewis asked if I wanted another.
“Yeh, going to go out for a cigarette first. You want to come” I said.
“I don’t smoke.” he replied
“Good for you. Come keep me company though, yeh?”
We walked outside the pub and round to the side. I leaned up against the wall and lit a cigarette. Lewis lingered nervously around me.
“Why don’t you just say you want to fuck me” I teased
“Whaaaa? ermmm. Where did that come from?” he stuttered.
Exactly, where did that come from? There is a TV show in the UK and I am sure there are similar in other countries called Stars In Their Eyes. It’s a show where members of the public get to become their favourite popstar. They would go through a door as themself and emerge through smoke dressed as Elton John or whoever.
Sensible Selina was who Lewis was talking to in the pub but when I went through the door to the outside I became Horny Lina.
Tonight, Matthew I am going to be a little bit slutty.
“It’s what you want isn’t it?” I asked
“Well…erm yeh..I mean I wouldn’t put it like that” replied Lewis
I exhaled a plume of smoke and gestured him over “Come here then”
He slowly walked towards me “We can’t do it here” he protested.
I did not reply. I grabbed him by his shirt and kissed him, my tongue slipping into his mouth. Lewis just stood there his arms hovering by his side, his brain not yet caught up with what was happening and therefore unable to control any of his limbs.
I wrapped a hand round his head pulling him into me and as we kissed my other hand run down his front, down towards his groin which was already bulging. He lurched backwards;
“Selina we can’t…not here”
I shrugged and grabbed his shirt pulling him towards me again. I hooked my leg round the back of his and begun to grind on his swelling which groaned within his trousers. I could hear his protests which were now no more than a whisper, his resistance fading.
I unzipped his trousers and released his cock stroking it as I pulled down my tights and panties. With my legs hooked round his I lifted myself up and lowered myself down upon his arousal.
He let out at breathless moan as I slowly led him inside me.His strong legs took the force of me sliding up and down on his thick pole.
I raised my arm above my head and pressed against the side of the pub as I slammed down onto his cock.
He put his arms round me and brought me in closer; lifting me up and down upon him. My mouth was by his ear and I began whispering to him
“Did she let you fuck her like this?”
I slammed down harder on him. His grip tightening.
“Did she get you this hard?”
His athletic physique allowed him to thrust inside me as he held me. The force of his passion pressing me against the side of the pub.
“Did she Lewis? Did she let you do these things?”
He was losing control, his thrusts quickening.
“Did you think of me as you fucked her?”
His pace ever quickened. Hard, passionate, raw thrusts inside.
“This is what you want. Fuck me Lewis”
He could not hold back any longer. He let out a moan which he stifled by burying his mouth in my shoulder as he climaxed; his legs almost buckling before he could finish the last shot of his orgasm.
He gently lowered me to the ground and I pulled up my tights. I looked at Lewis who was breathing deeply, that look of confusion still on his face.
“Shall we get that drink now?” I asked, smiling as I made my way back inside the pub.
The rest of that night Lewis hardly said a word. It was as if his cock and his brain were having a conversation to see if they can work out what just happened.
I reflected that Lewis fantasised about having sex with me and I was after all The Fantasy Giver. But even I noticed there was something different about this time.
Sure it had been a quick fuck up the side of a pub. I didn’t orgasm but there was nothing unusual about that.
Seeing Lewis had invariably brought memories of Lucy back to the surface. They had been long buried but still raw. I hated her for what she said and I hated myself for what I did.
As Lewis was inside me I had a thought; it was only fleeting but long enough for me to remember.
I wanted Lucy to see what Lewis and I were doing. That every thrust inside me was further validation that I had won. I had beaten her.
I imagined her watching as Lewis’ athletic buttocks rocked back and forth. What would I do? Look over his shoulder and smile at Lucy. Keep eye contact with her as I welcomed every hard thrust inside me.
Where the fuck did that come from? That isn’t me. I’m not a bitch. It was ridiculous to think Lucy would know let alone care what Lewis and I did.
But that feeling lingered perhaps a little longer than was comfortable. When he came would I smile at her, blow her a kiss confirming I had beaten her?
Those feelings, those thoughts came from the slush of negative emotions. The slush that Horny Lina emerged from and feeds upon. The slush she now slept contentedly amongst.
Yeh, Horny Lina could be a bitch.
My story continues with The Fellowship