The Movie Pitch Of Selina II – The Overlord Unicorned Squirrels From Mars – Meet Detective Duprez

Well you’re back so I’m guessing the initial tease of this movie has left you wanting more. Or you’ve happened upon this by mistake, in which case you have a few seconds to go.

Still here? Right so the opening credits end. They need to run for sufficient time to allow the horny guys who had to go and release following the sex scene time to ..ahem…complete. So say at least 30 seconds.

Actually make it a minute so they can pick up something from the confectionary stand.

So the first scene after the opening credits is set in an apartment.

It is the apartment of Detective Dan Duprez. He’s a brilliant policeman but he’s damaged. Three ex-wives and a teenage daughter who doesn’t like him.

Dan solves crimes in an unorthodox way. He’s difficult to work with but no one seems to mind. Nope HR are cool with his inappropriate comments to his colleagues making the working environment rather toxic. His bosses don’t seem to mind that he has on more than one occasion rammed the face of a suspect against the wall of an interview room, only for it to turn out that guy didn’t do it, because Dan gets results.

I understand a brilliant but flawed Detective is nothing new so if you need him to have ‘a thing’. You know, something he can be associated with that separates him from the countless other brilliantly but flawed Detectives….then …I’m thinking he could presently be shacked up with a sex doll.

Hear me out. Firstly we are not just talking about one of those cheap sex dolls but the more modern ones. You know the ones with real feel skin and actual hair.

Next you got to be thinking about the merchandise. We need as many Pop Vinyl characters as possible and ‘Doll’ would look awesome on the shelf next to the Overlord Unicorned Squirrel.

Thirdly, I am quite confident I can fill the 1 hour 30 minutes of runtime with action and killer dialogue. I don’t need to use up screen time by having Nordicesque staring over a lake for five minutes.

However we need to explain crucial plot points to those who haven’t been paying attention.

So I’m thinking Detective Duprez goes home and tells ‘Doll’ about his day, telegraphing all the important plot points that the viewer needs to know….then he has sex with ‘Doll’.

Good eh? Okay but just don’t rule it out.

So in this scene we establish that he is a detective (his badge and gun are hanging on the bedpost), he is a drinker (he kicks over some whisky bottles), he is getting divorced (court papers are on the fridge) and he also has a daughter (photo also on the fridge). He also has opted for a simpler relationship with a sex doll….See, it really does fit in with the character development.

You may disagree but this has the same vibe as a Castaway Man loves Ball thing. Doll will be the new Wilson and she has tits.

So Detective Duprez goes to the fridge and starts drinking milk when the phone rings. He’s summonsed to attend the site of the grizzly slaughter by the unicorned squirrel we saw before the opening credits.

How much more time do I have to fill with this movie? Really? That long?

Okay maybe he can take the scenic route to the murder scene. Lots of atmospheric driving through narrow lanes in the forest with eerie music.

Exciting? Want more? Oh sshh you know you want to click here

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