Following on from the epic flashback/montage opening the movie settles down as we are transported not to some distant planet but instead to some place in America. A nice pleasant suburb like the one that Marty McFly grew up in. Alternatively, we can set in England like Basingstoke or Margate.

We meet Spencer, fresh out of college and still lives with his mum. He’s cute but shy and fancies this girl but is too nervous to do anything. ….. (Look, I’m not aiming for any sort of originality with this character.)

Obviously you’re all wondering how we went from an astronaut crashing into a space station while copulating with a sex doll to some guy fresh out of a teen romance movie. Well the two will be linked in a very subtle way as Spencer gets home and is confronted with his mum looking angry and brandishing an envelope.

Mum: What is this?

Spencer: Mum!! Jeez have you been opening my mail? I’m not a child

Mum: This letter is from NASA! Why would NASA be writing to you? You know how I feel about NASA! Your father was killed during that incident with the space station and it’s a good job that they abandoned their stupid program and dumped all those strange dolls in space when they sent that probe to monitor Saturn.

See? Seamless.

Now Spencer is none too pleased about his mum opening his post so he storms out and goes into town on a skateboard or bike or something. If it were a musical he’d being singing a song while pedalling away about how he just wants to be treated like an adult.

But it’s not. However, for what it’s worth, if it were there would be a line in it that went:-

You may make my toast, but that don’t mean you can open my post. Ooooohhh just let me be me.

Anyway, when he is in town he goes to the local Cafe and sulks over a milkshake. Also in the Cafe is the girl who he fancies but she’s hanging with all the cool kids led by Dean who is clearly a dick.

Spencer is alone at the table fiddling with a NASA pendant that was his father’s. In case anyone watching thinks Dean with his chiseled good looks and wonderful abs isn’t a dick he’s gonna do something dickish right now.

He grabs the pendant from Spencer and holds it up to the rest of the gang while saying “Oooh what a pretty necklace” to the over the top howling approval of his cock comrades.

Spencer asks him to give it back but Dean still wishing to drive home the fact he’s a dick holds it up and goads Spencer to come and take it. Spencer tries to take it but Dean pats him away with his hand and Spencer falls over the table, landing on the floor covered in milkshake. More unnecessarily exaggerated howling ensues from Dean’s Gang Of Dicks.

The Gang run out the cafe laughing with Head Dick Dean still carrying the pendant. Except not all the gang leave. One person stays, the girl of his dreams and she is called Becky.

She kneels down and wipes the milkshake off him. Becky tells Spencer that what Dean did was wrong and she will get his pendant back. There’s a real tender moment here. He loves her and perhaps she loves him too.

Of course we could make it a little creepy by inserting an earlier scene of Spencer knocking one out to Becky’s Instagram posts and when she is telling him she will retrieve the pendant he was so looking down her top at her cleavage. But for now let’s keep it tender and sweet.

She leaves to rejoin the Gang Of Dicks and we also leave Spencer to be transported to a NASA facility where some generic technician is staring bored at a screen when suddenly an unexpected dot begins.

He says ‘What the?!’ to indicate this flashing dot was both unexpected and important. He taps furiously on the keyboard while staring intently at the screen, begging the question why NASA hasn’t invested in touch screen technology or at least the ability to point and click with a mouse.

Generic technician picks up the phone and says ‘Sir. You’re gonna want to see this’

Keeping the mystery going we do not find out what the generic technician wanted someone to see (it may very well have been a photo of his penis he took in the bathroom). Instead we are back with Spencer and he is on the roof of his house being all broody….. or just recalling the sight of Becky’s cleavage… it’s one of them.

As he stares all angsty into the sky suddenly there is a bright light and a ball of fire shoots through the sky landing with a large explosion in a nearby park.

Instinctively, Spencer hops down from the roof and decided to investigate. He cycles or takes his space hopper to the park where a crowd of people including the emergency services all hover round a crater that has formed in the middle of the park.

If the CGI budget allows we can show the fireball crashing into the park and in the 4K version you can see it landing on a couple having sex – legit I can build a whole back story for these tragic lovers.

Spencer cannot see what is inside the crater because he is blocked by an over officious Police Officer. We see him being moved away from a different POV implying someone is watching him. But who?

He looks over at the crowds who have gathered and sees Dean and his Gang Of Dicks. Dean taunts him by holding up his pendant before sticking his finger up and running off laughing. Becky lingers and shrugs her shoulders with a sympathetic smile. Spencer feels sad, maybe because of his unrequited love for Becky or because he can’t see her cleavage from a distance. It’s one of them.

We follow Spencer home from that mysterious ‘ you’re being watched’ POV. As he is putting his bike, skateboard or pogo stick away he hears a noise in the dark corner of the garage. “Hello? Who’s there?” he calls out as he grabs a crowbar to investigate.

Emerging from the gloom a woman appears. Completely naked with a mysterious glow in her eye. She slowly walks towards Spencer who drops the crowbar out of shock or just sheer horniness.

Face to face with Spencer this mysterious woman says “I forgive you” as she slowly lowers herself to her knees.

Here ends Part Two. More to come in Part Three or we could just skip to Part Six for the bantz.